Are You Alone In This World?

This poem really touched me, I am not an expert on writing poems, but I do know what I like. This flowed well and was easy to read. It touched me in a way I did not expect it to. It puts things into perspective for me. Thank you for writing this, I needed to read it.

Hummingbird

I happen to completely agree with Amelia on this one. Even her choices on the paragraphs (nice work ^.^). I also agree with Gladi on the treatment of Amelia. This is what critquing is about, honest feedback, what's the point of lying? It'll just hurt the individual later.

From the first stanza I could tell where the poem was going, and it seemed much longer than it needed to be. I think the flow was okay, thought not brilliant. When reading the poem I occasionally felt myself stop at odd spots, where my mind thought there should be more.

"Are you alone in this world?
No you are never alone.
There is always one who loves you."

"No, you are never alone" (added the comma) Seems to stop my mouth when it wants to continue. The full stop is not needed, a comma would suffice. You do this in a few spots. Try reading through the poem out loud. Add the most natural punctuation and feeling that you can.

In the end I felt the poem was slightly tepid. I couldn't get into it. I understood the religious allusion, it was rather obvious (to me anyway) and I think you did that in a nice way. It has huge amounts of potential.

Keep it up.

Any comments, rants or hate-mail? Feel free to pm me.

*Hearts* Le Penguin.

Hmm, I have to say I quite liked this. I still like you other poems better though; I know you can do a lot better than this.

I liked the structure of it all; it was easy to work with and it helped with the flow and rhythm meaning that when it's read out loud, it sounds quite majestic.

The idea was wonderful, but I think that maybe it was - I'm not sure how I can put this. It wasn't very original, but I think it may have been a little cliche too; I don't know if that's the right word to use. When we think or God, or anything Holy, we always mention someone going through a hard time and then turning to their religion, whatever it may be. You never really see a poem about that that has a happy meaning to it; maybe someone offering thanks to the Lord for a certain thing?

I don't know; I myself, am not very religious so of course you don't have to listen to me.

Good work, once again Kimmy,
GingerLove

I have a hard time with your comment Gadi. Being mean to people to help them? Isn't that an oxymoron? People can critique, but do you really have to show your stuff by being obnoxious? Seriously, point out what the writer needs to change, but if you don't like the subject matter, that doesnt need to be said.
What a boring world this would be if we were all alike. Don't you think?

Carl

thanks for your comments, all of them, i appreciate them .

kim