Are You Alone In This World?

.Are you alone in this world?




Are you alone in this world?
No you are never alone.
There is always one who loves you.

Does your soul ache with loneliness?
There are many out there, who feel the same.
The despair takes over; it is hard to rise above it.

Do you feel you can no longer go on?
Hope has abandoned you.
There is no light at the end.

Then come to Me.
When you are hurting.
And I will bind your wounds.

When your heart aches.
And feels empty.
I will give you My embrace.

In your need of comfort.
Come to Me.
And I will carry you.

In your deepest sorrow.
When you feel most consumed.
I will wipe your tears.

When you are uncertain of My love.
Turn to Me.
I will speak My heart to you.

I died for you, so you could know hope.
The comfort of My embrace
But most of all My unconditional Love.

Every tear you shed falls into My hand.
I know your pain
Give it to Me and I will fill your heart with joy.

I like the poem, and I like the subject mater.

The only thing I found that I didn't like about the poem was this

Are you alone in this world?
No you are never alone.
There is always one who loves you.

Does your soul ache with loneliness?
There are many out there, who feel the same.
The despair takes over; it is hard to rise above it.

In the first stanza, it is very short, however, the second stanza is longer. But that could just be me.

I liked how you described everything however.

-bobiscool

Wow! thats i so good!
sniffle it nearly made me cry even though i'm a guy
Lolz
AWESOME!!!

Nice.

At first when I saw the title, I thought it'd be some cliched teen angsty one, but it was good!

A new waa y of putting Loneliness. Truly, it brings about the message of hope and friendship.

Question, since the "me"s
are with capital "M"s, the speaker of the poem is God, right?

And since it's Free verse, I like it even more.

One thing: should "hurting" be "hurt" here?

When you are hurting.

And the title will look better in Title Case

not bad, this could be a song that a praise and worship band would like.

this reminds me of the Psalms, personally im not so much into alot of the Psalms, so idk what critique really to give cause its not my forte.

Hey! Kim this is great. I thought that the Narrator was God, which He probably is. Anyway, Kim I loved this more than anything else you have written, besides your novel. This is the best poem you have written, and it has really touched me. Kim, I loved this so much, and I hope that you are proud of yourself. I am going to copy and paste this and hang it up in my room. Is that alright with you? I won't do it w/out your permission though. Kim, I just loved this poem. It really affected me.

Thanks alot Kim. This poem has made my day!


BBB

wow...that was beautiful. I'm not a poetry expert so I really don't have a good critique, but I just had to say that I really liked it.

This all seemed rather blatant to me, right from the first stanza:

Are you alone in this world?
No you are never alone.
There is always one who loves you.

The two stanzas that follow don't do much to elaborate on this point, only reiterate it with common terms of hope/abandonment/light, even if I am reading it with religious subtitles [EDIT: as apparently I should be]. As an additional idea of praise, it's another one in a million poem/song/whathaveyou that does its job all fine and well, but doesn't stand out among the masses.

I think that all could be said here in four stanzas: numbers three, four, eight, and ten. Other than that, it's just needless repetition of what we've heard a million times.

Amelia, you could at least give her some good advice and not to tear her down. I mean, come on! How would you feel if I said that your poem sucked?

Sorry kim. I loved this poem as I have said before. Keep it up!

I think this poem is great kim.
keep up the good work.

Amelia i agree with bigbadbear.
Give everyone some slack.
Not everyone is a great writer.

i just want to thank everyone that has commented. i appreciate all of it.
thanks again.

kim

I liked everything about this poem. I could tell it came from your heart and that is the best way to write anything.

what to say. i really like the poem.
half way thru i figured out who "Me" is.
that changed the way i read it, so i had to go back and start over.
this was very touching and different then the normal teen angst that is found in most poems. i did not find this blatant or repetitous. unfare to say that.
i dont see any grammar errors to speak of.

well done.

carl

Amelia doesn't need to give some "slack"! That's the whole point of critiquing--being mean to people in order to help them. I think her suggestions are incredibly just. If she said, "Oh, this poem is great" to every poem on the site, there would be no good poets!

Now for the critique:

The rhythm, I must say, was incredible. Your words really flowed out on this, didn't they? I could read it and my tongue just rolled like waves until the end.

Other than that...meh. I don't see what all the hype is about. A good concept, with some pretty bad... well... almost everything... except rhythm of course--which is fantastic--makes an okay poem.

You never show us. This is more like an endless, repetitive chant, sorta like a church sermon,

Some suggestions:

Include MORE:
anecdotes
metaphores
imagery

DELETE:
the first stanza and the last three stanzas
all the "Come to Me and I will do something to you" lines. Unnecessary repetition that is somewhat cliche.

An example that really disattracted me from this poem:
"When your heart aches.
And feels empty.
I will give you My embrace. "
Heart aches are such a cliche these days. "And feels empty." Okay, which one is it--empty or aching? "I will give you My embrace." Why not just the simple "I will embrace you."

Much less confusing. Much clearer.