The Ocean

Rolling in, fading out
Almost like a breath
Thunder roars as she walks along
But afraid, I am not.
I will sit and watch her dance
As long as time permits.
It’s time to leave
But she will play
Never stopping, never ceasing.

-Bobiscool

This has real potential,but you're not using it!
You can make it longer because when I finished, I had the feeling it would go on, but it didn't.I was waiting for more. You just stopped at a bad place and that isn't good.

It is really nice, it took me a while to figure it out, but that's just me.
You see. She is dancing, and it won't stop, and... the rest is not written yet...

Keep working on this, there is a lot of potential

Hello again! I like this, a very pretty little poem. Here's a few suggestions -

Rolling in, fading out
Almost like a breath [I like the imagery here but perhaps re-wrod it a little to something like -

Rolling in, fading out;
Almost like breathing.]

Thunder roars as she walks along
But afraid, I am not.
I will sit and watch her dance
As long as time permits. [This is nice.]
It’s time to leave [This line could be better. Perhaps 'And now the time is come']
But she will play,
Never stopping, never ceasing. [Not a bad ending and in general, a descriptive little poem but it's hard to be original with such an over-used subject. Overall, I liked it but maybe try something a bit more adventurous next time?]

this is very good, but i do agree it could be alittle longer. i love the ocean and you described it well.
if you dont mind a suggestion,

"Almost like a breath" i would reword , only because i could imangine the waves being the breath. maybe something like, " they heaved with each breath. or they released their breath.

it is still not wrong tho.

i truly loved this poem

i look forward to reading more of your work.
keep going.

kim

i love it. especially cuz i love the ocean . is there more to it? if there isn't i suggest making it longer.

i really liked this. i know other posts told you to expand and stuff and you might want to do that a little bit but i would encourage you to keep it short. you really get your point across with this but it's still short and easy to read. i have noticed that sometimes, in poetry, it is harder to get your point across when the poem is long and the reader gets tired of it easily.
~abby~

i really liked this. i know other posts told you to expand and stuff and you might want to do that a little bit but i would encourage you to keep it short. you really get your point across with this but it's still short and easy to read. i have noticed that sometimes, in poetry, it is harder to get your point across when the poem is long and the reader gets tired of it easily.
~abby~