"Degrating"

[pre]You disgust me.
You're filthy.
Covered with my blood.
Scratching me against your blades.
Slowly degrading me.

My skin is raw and fiery.
I hate what you do to me.
I hate who you've grated me to be.
I hate the way you twist me,
The way you grind me harder
Trying to get what you want.

Your teeth chop me apart.
I am torn in a million crimson pieces
And what is worse…
There is no escape.

You won't stop grinding me until I am pulp.
You want me to not be whole.
You knew I was not full to begin with.

You continually grind at me;
Just like my hand-held grated did.
But you, you electric grater is more degrading and powerful.
You are powered by my tears that flow from my eyes,
Which wrap the turbine, empowering you even more.
And when my tears stop flowing clear,
And they are bloody no more,
Your motor will shut off forever.

Until that day comes,
You wait until I solidify long enough,
They you snatch my broken self up
Stuffing me deep inside your twisted, over powering mind.

You abuse me.
You force ugliness upon me.
You force me to hate.

You grind me beyond a pulp.
You make me unwanted,
Who would want your waste?

I am now a liquid.
I will solidify no more.
My crimson tears will never empower you again.

I am beyond the state of returning to what I once was.

I am evaporating.

Thanks to your crushing, degrading words and actions,
I will float up high, higher than your power can obtain.[/pre]

sdshaw08--


This is mind-numbingly boring prose cut up into barely bite-sized pieces with a blade not sharp enough to cut hot butter.

Throw it out.


Best,
Brad

It's kinda... weird isn't the word I'm looking for... DEMENTED!!!!!! I don't mean to hurt you but... IT'S DEMENTED! Were you depressed or something when you wrote it????? FIX IT!!!!!!!!! Don't take it to hard now. Get it in your head! Don't cry now! Better luck next time!

A little histrionic, perhaps?

You grind me beyond a pulp.

That seems a bit out of place with

They you snatch my broken self up Stuffing me deep inside your twisted, over powering mind.

It's a bit... odd?

And I thinki the title should be, "Degraded"

i dont see anything wrong here at all. i could tell you were writing with emotion. how can that be wrong?
it showed severe deep pain and abuse. i think you should keep it, and keep writing.
remember if it comes from inside you, then write it. write it for yourself. and do not change it for others.
dont stop.

kim