Death of a Fairy

Death of a fairy

I smell magic
It’s all around me,
Making me drowsy,
Putting me to sleep.

My wings, they are drooping,
My eyes, they are heavy,
My soul, it is weary—
I want my release.

For years have I walked
On this changing World,
No more do I desire
For spells or for sparks.

They called me the Fair One,
Though all fairies are fair.
I helped in every way I could,
I showed them that I cared,

I smell magic,
It smells like old books,
Memories come back to me,
Well-known yet faraway.

My songs were the sweetest,
Putting rocks to sleep.
My smile was the brightest,
Even stars accepted defeat!

My spells, they were invincible,
As I remember now,
I drove away the Troll King,
The most powerful one around.

The fairy clan held me as Queen,
I had a dew drop crown.
Then slowly, like ink in water,
Dispersed in me a change…

Power tasted sweet,
I craved for more of fame.
Love tasted sour,
Who needs love, anyway?

So went by sunsets many,
With more power and more praise,
So went away my humility,
Alas! Did I know then?

I smell magic,
It smells like fresh rain.
The night is getting darker,
It’s taking away my pain.

On one winter’s day,
As I was looking at Me,
An evil sprite came up
And said, “Fight me, O Queen.”

“Fight you?” I laughed at him.
My mirror followed suit.
“Come now, you’re not afraid?”
Was the sprite’s evil move.

Sparks here and sparks there,
Earnestly we fought.
I found myself telling me,
“Careful, he’s not too bad.”

Then came the moment,
“Ah, now’s my time,” I thought.
I sent a dark spell
And it hit the looking glass.

As my ray rebound at me,
The sprite quickly moved away.
Evil laughter all around,
Victory was his…

Life’s short. Life’s sweet.
I realize now and cry,
“Pride, thou art my downfall!
Too sure then, now too sorry.”

I lay dying in the night,
And I feel strangely free.
I smell magic,
It smell likes me.

wow this was great. i loved the discriptions. very well done.

kim

hmmm. good ideas. i enjoyed your vibrant discriptions but, i have to say, i strongly discourage the use of exclaimation points. a good writer and poet should be able to convey the feelings you want without using punctuation as your 'crutch'.

Intriguing, intriguing title; I like very much. ^_^ I think that one of the best aspects of this poem is that you began with one idea, but you carried it through and related it to the end, which was absolutely lovely, especially for such a long poem!

I think my biggest comment about this poem is that too much is told. For instance:

My wings, they are drooping,
My eyes, they are heavy,
My soul, it is weary--
I want my release.

^ The last line isn't really necessary because the three lines preceding have explained it.

They called me the Fair One,
Though all fairies are fair.
I helped in every way I could,
I showed them that I cared,

^I like very much the first two lines, but I'm not so sure about the second two here; they almost seem there only to make the third and fourth lines of the stanza. What purpose do they serve to the overall narrative?

I smell magic,
It smells like old books,
Memories come back to me,
Well-known yet faraway.

^ The second two lines are rather cliche here and again, don't seem to add much that is new.

My songs were the sweetest,
Putting rocks to sleep.
My smile was the brightest,
Even stars accepted defeat!

^ Putting rocks to sleep, haha! and the rest of the stanza too. Cute.

My spells, they were invincible,
As I remember now,
I drove away the Troll King,
The most powerful one around.

^ Something about the "most powerful one around" sounds too vernacular, almost, for this more poetic style. I think it's in the naming of the Troll King as "powerful one" coupled with "around". Maybe you could segue right from the "As I remember now," to the "The fairy clan held me as Queen".

The fairy clan held me as Queen,
I had a dew drop crown.
Then slowly, like ink in water,
Dispersed in me a change…

^ I think here's where the over-telling comes in; The "then slowly" in the third line above is unnecessary, as "slowly" is a vague word that doesn't seem to fit with the rest of the line, and in the grand scheme of things, does it really matter the speed of the change?

Power tasted sweet,
I craved for more of fame.
Love tasted sour,
Who needs love, anyway?
[/qutoe]

^ These lines seemed almost all over the place. Almost like the fairy narrator is going mad and talking to herself; the wording is less careful, and if you want it like that, nice job, but I don't know if it quite fits.

So went by sunsets many,
With [s]more[/s] power and [s]more[/s] praise,
So went [s]away[/s] my humility,
Alas! Did I know then?

^ Gramatically, this doesn't make too much sense, the first line. Could you not say something like "So passed many sunsets"? And I struck out the unnecessary words as well. "went" is such a common word, used for so many things. It might be nice if you could find a more precise word for the same idea.

I smell magic,
It smells like fresh rain.
The night is getting darker,
It’s taking away my pain.
[/qutoe]

^ this dips a little into angst, with the darkness and the rain, especially because it rhymes with pain. I'd take a second look at it. These might be the feelings the fairy is expressing, but I think it can be done a little more carefully.

“Fight you?” I laughed at him.
My mirror followed suit.
“Come now, you’re not afraid?”
Was the sprite’s evil move.

^ But where was there a mirror? *is confused*

Sparks here and sparks there,
Earnestly we fought.
I found myself telling me,
“Careful, he’s not too bad.”

^ The second line above seems bland to me, "earnestly" not a sufficient word to describe all the sparks that flew, and all. I liked the "I found myself telling me" for some reason. It just sounded very... in tone, and fitting with the rest of the poem. Again, the phrase "he's not too bad" sounds a little too twenty-first century for the rest of the poem. Maybe try something else than direct dialogue?

Then came the moment,
“Ah, now’s my time,” I thought.
I sent a dark spell
And it hit the looking glass.

^ The "I thought" in the second line is unnecessary, and leads to wordiness. Though I'm still confused as to where this looking glass appeared from...

As my ray rebound at me,
The sprite quickly moved away.
Evil laughter all around,
Victory was his…

^ Again, I think "ray" in the first line breaks the tone, as it is something more associated with mechanical things than with magical ones. I think "quickly" in the second line might be unnecessary too.

Life’s short. Life’s sweet.
I realize now and cry,
“Pride, thou art my downfall!
Too sure then, now too sorry.”

^ ooh, so obvious! I agree, that there must be something before the final stanza to transition things, but you don't really need a summary here; the rest of the poem speaks well enough for itself. The final line above is confusing as well, since it breaks parallel structure.

I lay dying in the night,
And I feel strangely free.
I smell magic,
It smell likes me.

^ In the last two lines [sorry I'm going all grammar-y] the "it" is vague. Although I know it refers to the magic, it is a bit confusing at first glance, which shouldn't happen since this line has the possibility of being so lilting. In fact, anywhere else, I don't think I'd like it. I think it'd be too... I don't know... happy or something. But here, it works because it's been set up to work, because it's been discussed already, and is returning once again (awesomeness!). I think the best bet is to add a "the" in between "smell" and "magic" so it becomes "I smell like the magic/it smells like me". Though that might still sound a little awkward.

All in all, well done, Sohini! It is difficult to pull of longer poems (I know; I've tried XD) but you've done it! Congratulations ^_^

PM me if you have any questions; I'd be happy to help!
-Amelia


P.S.: You should make sure to rate your work so that it can appear on the front page! Unfortunately, not many people wander into narrative poetry, so you've got to go out and grab their attention ^_^ And as to the title's subtitle, don't be afraid to PM people with crit requests! That's what we're all here for ^_^

-Amelia

I'm no master but I think that this narrative poem would be a little lot better if everything rhymed. The introduction's nice but the climax towards the ending was well, anti-climatic. Understanding the death of the fairy was like.."Urm, OK. It's dead." Maybe some drama and gory descriptions will help make this more interesting and poetic.

I'm not a master in the area of Poetry either, but I think I can recognize talent when I see it. I love the way most of the stanzas flow smoothly without rhyming --very good! And even though it was pretty long, I didn't find myself skimming at all.

I got a little lost in the scene with the mirror and the spirit, so you might want to clear that up a little bit. But I love the repetition of "I smell magic" and the last stanza is just beautiful. The only thing I would change is in the last line you say "It smell likes me." Which was a mistake, I gather, and should be made "It smells like me.

Very very good poem! keep up the good work!


~Azila~

Ooo, I liked it.
I smell a life lesson!
Haha.

No, please don't die!
"I do believe in fairies, I do, I do!"

Freaking amazing! I love it! ^-^

I really, really wanted to like this, especcially with the fantastic title. But somehow it wasn't serious enough. The ryhme didn;t work. I think it'd be better with a bit of darkness/evil woven in.

I think rhyming would have added a nicer flow to it, but it was fine how it is! I loved it! I just have one little nitpick...

I showed them that I cared,

The subject of punctuation was already brought up, but this in particular irked me. I think there should be a period after 'cared' instead of a comma. Otherwise, it seems like a very long sentence that goes on for two lines.

Sohini!! This is awesome!
I liked it alot!
It was deep, yet so vibrant!
Amazing job!
I love it!

~Lulu

Very nice. It's kinda rare to find a poem about fairies. It needs some improving, but it's still a piece of good work! Keep up!

This was long, but it didn't bother me. The problem was you don't keep the seriousness of a poem like this. It didn't bore me. But when you took away the seriousness of it, it seemed more contrived. You need to remember that with death, it needs to be treated with respect. You start serious but then it falters and dies with her death.

Overall: It's a nice idea just treat it right, don't go on tangents, make it all worth to the story and poem.

Good luck
VSN

Incredibly smooth writing, not a cliche subject, everything here is wonderful! I envy your talent at writing narrative poetry. I really, really do.

GOLD STAR FOR YOU!

Wow...thanks everyone.