Life Is...

Life is like a cloud,
it comes and it goes.
Like a cotton or wool puff,
When through the wind it flows.

Life is like a rainstorm,
Thundering throughout it self.
But also when it clears up,
You will discover it's wealth.


Hm... do you guys like it? There is more, but I left it at school.. lol.. later, (Tuesday) I will post the rest. I didn't have time to write it all because it was either do this, or be tardy.

It's cool. Good analogies.

wow bear, did not know you wrote poetry to. is there nothing you cant do? this is great, i loved it.

kim

Beautiful imagery, but the rhyme scheme is a little jerky.

Life is like a cloud,
it comes and it goes.
Like a cotton or wool puff,
When through the wind it flows.

I had to read that last line a few times to understand it. I think you can come up with a better rhyme. Don't get me wrong--rhyming poetry can be really frustrating! But if anyone can come up with a rhyme with "orange," it's you.

In the "Thundering throughout it self." part, the "it self" should be "itself" unless it was intentional.

Like Fangala, I found the rhythm a little jerky, but other than that I really like this poem!

I liked this, it made me smile and think; whoa this is funny but also quite mellow at the same time. I like how you put the cotton buds as "puffs", that was a very good kind of metaphor.

I think the only complaint I have about it is; "But also when it clears up." This seemed a little, I'm not so sure. I think, "Clears up" doesn't sound very poetic. Hm?

Good work,
GingerLove

I do like this, but agree with blackstorm and Fangala. The imagery is lovely, and you've expressed yourself well. I might suggest tweaking the third line by just admitting the "or" so it would be "like a cotton wool puff" as I think that it flows better.

The first stanza as a whole was very good, I really can't fault it. In the second stanza, I might try "It thunders through itself." as again, I think it flows more easily.I think the last line is weak in comparison to some of your other lines, which were really great, but I can't really think of anything that rhyme with "self" so I see your problem. Is there any way life could thunder through something else which would make rhyming more easy for you?

Anyway, overall, this was an enjoyable read, and I hope this helps.

Jas

nice poem. i would like to see the rest of it though. you used good imagery and lot's of analogies but what, exactly, do you mean when you say that life is "like a cotton or wool puff"? (just out of curiosity, i mean, how is life like a puff?) also pertaining to that line, i might change it to EITHER

"like a cotton puff"

OR

"like a wool puff"

it's weird to have both. it screws up the meter and makes the poem harder to read.

i LOVE the stanza about the thunderstorm. so true...

keep working and i can't wait to see the rest!
~abby~

p.s. i would have gone for the tardy =]

Sorry guys. I keep forgetting to post more. I will for sure post more on Monday, because it is in my history book. (sad)

Anyway, PM me constantly to remind me to bring it! Please! I know I'll forget! The rest is really cool.

Anyway, thanks for your helpful suggestions!

BBB