My Infernal Sight

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this is a political statement that i wrote up in math class today. its rough and needs work, so any critique is welcome.


I can see nothing here
Except an ivory dome.

Inside, a curious child
Lights up dynamite’s fuse.

The watching neighbors laugh
As the building implodes.

It would be better
For me to be blind.




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I really like it!
But its hard to understand is it about war?




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Surrealist? It didn't make sense, wouldn't the building explode if the kid lit up dynamite? Eh well, it was good but ambiguous. Elaborate! Write more, please!
Last edited by Rjjr_vectra on Fri Nov 02, 2007 11:05 am, edited 1 time in total.
I'm not here, this isn't happening...




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Gender Female
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i reallly like it, i cant write poetry so i cant critique for you. but i can tell you if i like it lol. you are very good.

kim



To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.
— Proverbs 18:13