Mercenary Wings 24

*removed*

24 is right.

Dominic swallowed heavily as he saw them staring at him.‭ ‬He didn't know exactly what to tell them‭…‬so he decided not to [try] any sort of inspirational speech.

You forgot a word, tsk tsk.

raisin the sword slightly

raising

the short-sword's men kneeling

I believe it would be "short-swords men," but I'm not sure.

Looking down, he waited until several soldiers were behind him on the ladder, then drew out his sword

He waited for several soldiers to enter a castle? Is he suisidal or something? I think you need to increased the numbers here a LOT. Castles take TON and TONS of men to take. I know he's not trying to take the castle, but he wouldn't even be able to get in and out alive without LOTS of men. Trust me on this one, I've been to a lot of castles.

then Dominic lead the soldiers back towards the ladder.

led not lead.

Yes, and I'm sorry, Raztik. But a counterattack is not the wise way to go!" Mariamne said urgently. "You must send a message to the Nameless King, set a day for an assigned battle so that it will be fair - no surprise attacks."
That's kind of a modern-sounding term. You might say, "not the wise thing to do," or something of the sort.


Okay...err...that's it.

-GJ

Ah, I can understand your need to concentrate on NaNo so no worries my dear and first of all I'd like to say that I love how you ended this part! The pure irony of 'As the king commands' is brilliant and I'm very glad Dominic didn't kill the girl but perhaps one of the men behind him should have? In general, you have some exquisite detail and description, as always, and I like the idea of the use of magic to create a ladder. Very good thinking. Here's a few things I'd like to comment on -

Dominic swallowed heavily as he saw them staring at him.‭ ‬He didn't know exactly what to tell them‭…‬so he decided not to any sort of inspirational speech. [A word or two missing from that last part and it could be reworded. Perhaps something like 'so he decided against an inspirational speech.']

He heard the loud sounds of many feet marching behind him.‭ ['Loud sounds' isn't very descriptive and lately you describe it as quiet so maybe take another look at that?]

‭Dominic, slightly surprised at the enthusiasm of the response [Perhaps enthusiastic response would sound smoother?] but encouraged nonetheless, turned forward, raising the sword slightly.

The archers fell to the rear and readied their bows, the short-sword's [Not sure about the punctuation here. Maybe without the apostrophe?] men kneeling in front of them, weapons drawn and faces grim.

Overall, some excellent work, loving Dominic's character still and I look forward to more. Also, let me know when you post any of that November novel, I'd love to take a look.