The Ventriloquist's Punishment - For Halloween

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So it turns out I randomly write fiction once in a while. Enjoy?

--

Roy lived alone in a third-floor apartment overlooking the narrow city street below. The apartment was small, with a warped hardwood floor and water spots on the walls. Through his windows, which had been painted shut years ago, he could hear the screams of cars and people alike. A solitary chair accompanied a small round table. Roy didn’t care much. He and the world maintained a policy of mutual indifference, and, for the most part, Roy was pleased with it.

He left his single room only at night, when he went out to perform his act. He checked the painted-shut windows—though he knew there was no point—and carefully locked the door behind him, pocketed his key, and set off down the hall with a boxy brown case swinging at his side.

It was on these nights that Jacques emerged. Roy would unbuckle the case backstage, prop it open, and pull him out. He would check that the paint on the large, glossy eyes was not chipping, and then slip his hand under Jacques’ flamboyant striped shirt. On stage, they were a pair, each as human as the other. The dummy was Roy, Roy was the dummy, and there were no others but the laughing faces below them.

Roy returned home as he left it each night; feet striding forward strongly, as if to spite his sullen, bowed head, and his brown case beside him. He would carefully unlock the door and step slowly into the room, eyes searching for anything out of the ordinary. Then he would set the case in the corner nearest his bed and throw his coat across the lonely wooden chair.

On one particular night in late August, Roy returned home long after sunset. His performance at a local theatre had earned rounds of applause. The sound of clapping was still ringing in his ears like the shriek of a telephone as he stepped slowly into the room. His eyes scanned the kitchen sink, the table, the windows. With the swift movement of his hand, he flicked on the single electric light bulb.

He rested the case in the corner as usual and collapsed on his bed with a sigh, still wearing the coat. He was sweaty and uncomfortable; for a moment, he felt the urge to throw open the windows. Shaking his head at the notion, he closed his eyes and turned over on his bed, sweating through the coat’s thin fabric onto the sheets.

Hours later, he woke to discover that he was still in the same position. Wearing the annoyed expression of someone who has fallen asleep without expecting to, Roy craned his neck to look at the alarm clock on his bedside table. The green digits were fading; they no longer cast the same glow that they once had. It was after two in the morning. Roy stretched his arms back to shimmy out of the coat, but he paused; something seemed wrong. He strained his eyes, but the street lamps outside offered little light. Cursing the alarm clock and its dim glare, he stumbled out of bed, heading for the cord dangling from the light bulb fixture.

He had just grasped the cord in his fingers when he stopped, the string pulled taut in his hand. A click had just echoed around the room. Roy shivered. It was an old building, he reminded himself. One click among thousands of creaks and lurches was not out of the ordinary, was it? But then he heard another, identical click. He turned his head back towards the bed, attempting to locate the source of the noise.

He relaxed the string and let it go. Sweat appeared, uncomfortable and chilly, on the back of his neck. Something was wrong, but he didn’t dare turn on the light. He turned away from the bed. His eyes were becoming more accustomed to the dark; he could see the glimmer of street lights and of the neon sign across the street reflected in the white wall opposite the windows. The skeletal wooden chair was still in its same gloomy position next to the table. Roy turned back to the bed—he saw not the bed or the pathetic incandescence of the alarm clock, but a pair of shining, glossy eyes inches from his own.

He let out a silent scream of disbelief and shock. His eyes darted to the sides, as if searching for an explanation. The brown case lay open on the floor, its two latches undone. His eyes returned to Jacques’—was it his imagination, or was the dummy breathing?
The slow, dragging breaths were certainly not his own, for he was sure he had stopped breathing. “Jacques,” he mouthed. The dummy’s own mouth fell open. Roy felt two wooden hands grip his jaw. He reached up, desperately trying to force the dummy, which seemed suspended in midair, away from him. “No!” he yelled, aloud this time. A scream issued from the dummy’s mouth as he gripped the ventriloquist’s neck in his carved fingers, shaking the man from side to side.

Roy stumbled backwards, legs dancing a macabre jig, for he suddenly could not control them. He could feel slivers driving into his neck as his mouth opened and closed of its own accord, voices that were not his own issuing from it. His shoulders met the windows, and he fell down, down, until he met the sidewalk below amid the crunch of bones and the high, ringing clatter of broken glass.
"My pet, I've been to the devil, and he's a very dull fellow. I won't go there again, even for you..."




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WOW.this was really, really good. if you were aiming for sending shivers down whoever reads this and have them waking up in the night looking for large, glossy eyes then you've achieved exactly that. i couldn't find anything wrong with it, or am i not looking hard enough??anyway, cheers
Oh, Lisa, you and your stories: Bart's a vampire, beer kills brain cells. Now let's go back to that... building... thingie... where our beds and TV... is. --Homer Simpson




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Yes, I agree. This was amazingly scary, and I am now going to have nightmares for a month. :D

It was a little choppy in the beggining, but nothing you can't straighten out. Keep up the good work with this!




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Cade wrote:So it turns out I randomly write very good fiction once in a while. Enjoy?


I did enjoy. You did very well with this, the writing was great, and it certainly accomplished the Halloweeny feel.

However... It was a bit... predictable. I'm not going to complain, your piece executed it's objective well. But from the moment I began reading I knew what the ending would be.
Final thought: Why are all evil characters given French names? Why is a French name an immeadiate clue for insanity. If you call the dummy something like "Stanley" or " "Garett" (pulled those names out randomly) then you could prevent a bit of the predicability of it and (I think) make it seem scarier.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
- Robert Frost

It cost $7 million to build the Titanic, and $200 million to make a film about it.
The plastic ties on the end of shoelaces are called aglets




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Hey guys, thanks for the comments!

smorgishborg - I definitely see what you're saying about the piece being predictable. I thought the same thing myself, but I wasn't sure if that was because I wrote it or not.
Good point on the French names. Um...Jacques was just what popped into my head (maybe because I do subconsciously associate French names with creepy puppets?), but I could reconsider naming him Stanley, perhaps, or Chester. XD

-Colleen
"My pet, I've been to the devil, and he's a very dull fellow. I won't go there again, even for you..."




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I actually rather liked this story. The prose is easy to read, the narrative is smooth, and I don't have any problems following it. You have a nice style.

The description of the apartment is brief, and I'd like to see more details and get a feeling for the setting, especially since the apartment is seen twice.

Near the end: He was sweating when he fell asleep, then when he woke up he started sweating again. The two events seem too close together, coupled with with heat of the season, and it doesn't quite send the uneasy vibe you seem to be going for. I almost think that you should hold off on the climatic moment until much closer to the end.
The first million words you write are for practice. It doesn't count. Practice getting rejection letters. Don't worry. It doesn't count. If someone accepts your practice novel, it doesn't count either. Practice cashing that check. (-David Gerrold)



I see no reason to celebrate the random timing of natural events by eating poison and singing.
— Dilbert