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Wild Heart chap 1 part 2

canislupis · 2007-10-25T22:37:25Z

Hey, this is the last part of chapter 1. please look at the prologue and the first part of this chapter before reading this. I realize that this needs a lot of work, so if you think you can help me improve, then comments would be welcome. Thanks! ____________ The whole thing had been so vivid that Deuce could not calm herself down the entire time that she had to do the chores. The animals could sense her anxiety, and behaved better than they usually did, knowing that she was not in the mood for playfulness. Even while she ate dinner with her family’s loud talking and laughing, she could not bring herself to join in. She kept reliving the scene in her mind with the flash of metal before the sound and the pain. She dreamt almost the same dream again that night, with the addition of a small, red wolf following the alpha into the clearing where the first wolf had dragged her. Deuce was so affected the next day that she begged her father to let her come with him on his rounds just so she would have something else to think about besides her dream. He eventually let her, and told her that he was going to go by the place called Trout Bridge to try and catch lawbreakers. She would have to stay out of his way, but she could explore the area as much as she liked. The Trout River was a small bridge that was built across a seasonal stream. During the spring and winter there was water in it, even it if was frozen, but in the summer it dried up to almost nothing. However, it did house a large amount of fish during the warmer months, and was one of the favorite haunts for many of the tourists who enjoyed watching the sparkly fish jumping. Unfortunately, it was also the favorite haunt of the illegal fishermen. Beside the stream were a few boulders which were fun to climb, and there was very thick forest all around on all sides. Deuce was wearing high socks to avoid insect bites, and she liked wandering through the woods. There was always a thick carpet of pine needles on the forest floor, since there were no deciduous trees for lack of light. She always saw different animals while she was here, usually no bigger than squirrels, although once she saw a black bear up a tree. It did take her mind off her dreams, and she spent almost an hour playing in and out of the trees. Every time she went to see what her father was doing, he was usually talking to one of the fishermen/women. As always, most of the people had been in this area for many years, and had learned the laws. Today there was only one lawbreaker, and even then he got by with just a warning. Her father only had serious cases about once a month, and they were soon resolved. Deuce ate lunch with her father, sitting at one of the ancient picnic tables that dotted the grassy clearing near the water. As usual, Deuce was only about halfway through her lunch when her dad finished, and he left to talk to the people who had just pulled into the narrow parking lot. Deuce liked to think while she ate, and was a very slow eater. She took a small bite and chewed slowly. She looked around the clearing quickly, but stopped when a sudden flash of movement caught her eye. Suddenly the previously refreshing breeze became cold. A pair of golden eyes was visible, then silvery shoulders and a long back. Standing there, at the edge of the clearing was a wolf. Deuce hurriedly looked away, but there was no one near enough to see. She wondered why the wolf was out, near people in the broad daylight. Then it occurred to her that it might have rabies. It looked normal, but Deuce was no expert on wolf behavior. Then it turned to face her, and with a start she recognized the wolf from her dream, the she-wolf who had been licking her. Deuce felt the hairs on the back of her neck rise. Then the wolf looked straight into her eyes, and she could have sworn that there, in the two orbs of golden light, recognition had flared up. The instant that it happened Deuce felt a strange connection leading not to the wolf she was looking at, but to one far away, the one who had been injured. She also somehow felt that she knew this wolf, the one who had looked straight into her eyes. The moment was over to quick, and the wolf slipped back into the trees, out of sight. Deuce let out the breath which she had been holding. But then there was the wolf again, this time almost directly in front of her, and close enough that in a few steps she could reach out and touch her nose. The rabies thought again flashed through her mind, and it occurred to her that she should probably be backing away. But, somehow she didn’t want to. She also felt in some strange way that she knew this wolf, and the wolf knew her, and would not attack. Then the wolf took a step towards her. Nervous, Deuce almost jumped out of her chair to run, although she knew this would be a bad idea if the she-wolf was out to get her. But then, the wolf took a hesitant step back, and started to turn into the forest. Just before it faded out of sight, it looked back at her and made a slight motion with its ear. Without thinking, Deuce made a move to follow, for that was what she was sure that the wolf wanted her to do. The she-wolf made a little whimpering sound, and then disappeared completely into the trees. Almost without thinking, Deuce dropped on all fours to get under a large pine tree’s branches, and followed. Almost immediately, she recognized the clearing where she had woken up in her dream. Next to it was the gully where she had fallen, and where the she-wolf that was guiding her now had dragged her to a spot more easily visible to the rest of the pack. There was no injured wolf now, and Deuce could not catch a glimpse of the wolf she was supposed to be following. She took a few steps down to where she had been lying in her dream. Sure enough, there was a patch of blood on the moss, and it was still wet. Excitedly Deuce walked around the other places from her dream, and in several places she found footmarks, where the pack had gathered around the injured wolf, which she was now convinced was real. There were also pieces of silvery-coarse hair, where the wolf had been lying. As she bent down to examine the tracks, she was startled by a strange bark-howl, and she looked up to the top of the hill and saw a wolf that looked nothing like any wolf that she had ever seen before. He was red all over, and almost as big as the alpha from her dream. Then there was the she-wolf, and as soon as she came the red male ducked his head, lowered his tail, and flattened his ears. Deuce was wondering what she should do. Her father would not miss her for almost another hour. She almost wanted to look at these wolves all of that time, but she felt some sort of feeling, and it was very sinister. Then the dominate she-wolf chuffed, and another head appeared, another she-wolf, and then another one, this time a male. After a while there were many members of the pack, and all but the alpha male, and the injured she-wolf were present. They all just stood on the hill, looking at her. She wasn’t sure what to do, until the she-wolf trotted down the hill, signaling the others to stay put. Before Deuce could do anything, the cold black nose was pressed into her hand, and those yellow eyes were again staring through her. "Greetings"

canislupis

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Wed Nov 28, 2007 6:19 pm

canislupis says... · Wed Nov 28, 2007 6:19 pm

Haha, I don't think so...... :lol:

It took us a month to settle on it!

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Wolf

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Mon Dec 31, 2007 5:09 pm

Wolf says... · Mon Dec 31, 2007 5:09 pm

The Trout River was a small bridge that was built across a seasonal stream.

The Trout river is a small bridge?!

However, it did house a large amount of fish during the warmer months, and was one of the favorite haunts for many of the tourists who enjoyed watching the sparkly fish jumping.

I think 'sparkly' sounds a little childish in comparison to the serene, rather mature tone you've acquired for the rest of the story.

The moment was over to quick, and the wolf slipped back into the trees, out of sight.

I think it would sound better if you had 'quickly' instead of 'quick'.

There were also pieces of silvery-coarse hair, where the wolf had been lying.

I think it might sound better as 'coarse silvery hair'.

Overall, this is very nice!

You would do well to draw the reader in a little more, though. Make it more riveting. However, I love the plot (I'm a sucker for wolf stories) and I can't wait to read the next part!

Cheers,
Camille

everything i loved
became everything i lost.

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canislupis

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Points 7715

Reviews 522

Mon Jan 07, 2008 6:07 pm

canislupis says... · Mon Jan 07, 2008 6:07 pm

Thanks! That was very helpful.... As I said, this was my NaNo novel, so I haven't done any major editing yet. I'm not suprisied that there are a few little errors hanging on.

I'll keep everything you said in mind.

Thanks again!

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