Love's Life

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A short, skinny female elf watched as two female humans came back from their walk in the pasture. As they got closer to her, she jumped in the bushes to hide. They were berry bushes. She munched on the huckleberries as she waited for the humans to pass. By the time the humans past, her lips were purple from berry-juice. She ran into the trees, looking for her love.
“Adeis! Adeis!

“Here m’lady! Here!” She fallowed the voice of the man and found him. They hugged and she looked up at him.

“What do ye here at this time of day?”

“I be busy m’lady.”

“With what?”

“I’m hunting for food. I shall share with thou later.”

“When doest thou leave? Where and when shall we meet again?”

“Now. We meet here, ye stay here and I be back.”

“A kiss do us part?” He nodded and they had a short kiss, it left a purple mark on his lips

“Bye Seia.”

“Bye Adeis.” He ran off into the trees. Seia prepared the spot for their dinner, she made a spot for a fire, sleeping spots, and grabbed some tools to light the fire.


He aimed his bow and arrow at a fine buck and waited for the right moment….then he shot it! It went through the buck’s heart and killed it right away. He went up to his kill to see how big it really was, and it was fantastic!
‘Now I just need to get some plants to eat’ He thought. He stayed near his kill and gathered herbs to eat. He tapped on his chest, feeling the plate of armor he put under his shirt he added for safety, should a human attack. While bending down he felt someone…something hit his back. It knocked him out cold. It was a human! The man thought the elf was dead and walked back to his home.


Seia waited, waited, and waited. Her lover did not come. She ran through the trees looking for him and calling him.

“Adeis! Adeis!” But she did not hear him say what he always did ‘Here
m’lady! Here!’. She stumbled upon a dead deer and her lover on the ground.

“ADEIS!” She cried.

She turned his body over and felt his heart to see if he lived, she did not feel his heart. She grieved and cried over his body but then she remembered what he told her everyday: ‘Always be strong no matter what, always be even with others too!’. She wanted revenge on the one who attacked her lover. She fallowed the deep tracks in the mud and hid in the bushes as she watched a man hold a spear over his campfire until the rock turned red. This was her lover’s attacker and she new it. Seia grabbed some rocks, jumped out of the bushes and started throwing them at the fat man. She missed her target every time. But before she new it, his flaming hot spear was in her heart and she fell…dead.

The next morning Adeis woke up, but did not know which way to go, so he grabbed the deer carcass and just started walking one way. He went through some bushes, to what looked like an old human camp spot. But then he found what looked to be…his lover.

“Seia…” He whispered to himself frowning.

He knew what had happened. She would come looking for him if he didn’t return and she would not have felt his heart through his armor and would have thought he was dead. She would have thought he was dead, and would have wanted revenge. He dropped his carcass and carried his lover back to where he killed the dear. He dug a hole and put Seia in her grave, before he covered the hole he put his plate of armor on top of her shirt.

“This is to protect thee from bad spirits m’love.” He said as he started covering her grave. When he finished covering her grave, he grabbed the buck and some flowers and left them both on her grave. Then he disappeared into the darkness of the trees.
[Griffinkeeper] 10:45 pm: The guard appears "We have weasels now!"
[Firearris] 10:45 pm: askes the guard for the weasel!
[Griffinkeeper] 10:45 pm: The guard gives Firearris the Weasel.
[Firearris] 10:46 pm: aquires the weasel and renames it "Cat"

Take that, Lumi.




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Gender Male
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Hmm okay, this was bad okay, but if you put more in this, I'd feel sorrow more for the character, lets begin.

Suggestions blue
Corrections red
If text underlined it's not needed.

A short, skinny female elf watched as two humans came back from their walk in the pasture.(My suggestion for here is to change this to "A short, skinny female watched as two females arrived from their walk in the pasture.") As they got closer to her, she jumped in the bushes to hide. (Again here's my suggestion to word this better, "She ducked down into the bushes to hide.") They were berry bushes. She munched on the huckleberries as she waited for the humans to pass. By the time the humans past, her lips were purple from berry-juice.(You say humans two time change to this, "By the time they'd past, her lips were purple from berry-juice." She ran into the trees, looking for her love.
(I put a space between the speech.)
“Adeis! Adeis!

“Here m’lady! Here!” She followed the voice of the man and found him. They hugged and she looked up at him.

“What do ye here at this time of day?”(Elves don't generally speak olde english. :s)

“I be busy m’lady.”(Why olde english? :s)

“With what?”

“I’m hunting for food. I shall share with thou later.”

“When doest thou leave? Where and when shall we meet again?”

“Now. We meet here, ye stay here and I be back.”

“A kiss do us part?” He nodded and they had a short kiss, it left a purple mark on his lips

“Bye Seia.”(We all love Shakespere, but I've never heard any elf speak olde english, not even Toilken elves.

“Bye Adeis.” He ran off into the trees. Seia prepared the spot for their dinner, she made a spot for a fire, sleeping spots, and grabbed some tools to light the fire.(Way too many spots :p, calm down and use a theasuauras*sp* if need be.

Me thinks you need something seperating this and below "*******"

He aimed his bow and arrow at a fine buck and waited for the right moment….then he shot it! It went through the buck’s heart and killed it right away. He went up to his kill to see how big it really was, and it was fantastic!
‘Now I just need to get some plants to eat’ He thought.

He stayed near his kill and gathered herbs to eat. He tapped on his chest, feeling the plate of armor he put under his shirt he added for safety, should a human attack. While bending down he felt someone; something hit his back. It knocked him out cold. It was a human! The man thought the elf was dead and walked back to his home. (A suggestion for here how about not telling us anything about armour and splitting this up into paragraphs, they're lovely things you know :p. Here's it split up.)


Seia waited and waited. Her lover did not come. She ran through the trees looking for him and calling him.

“Adeis! Adeis!”

But she did not hear him say what he always did

‘Here m’lady! Here!’.

She stumbled upon a dead deer and her lover on the ground.
(Correctly split up.)

“ADEIS!” She cried.(Her actions speak better than capitals here "Adeis!" She cried rushing over to her love")

She turned his body over and felt his heart to see if he lived, she did not feel his heart. She grieved and cried over his body but then she remembered what he told her everyday: ‘Always be strong no matter what, always be even with others too!’.

She wanted revenge on the one who attacked her lover. She fallowed the deep tracks in the mud and hid in the bushes as she watched a man hold a spear over his campfire until the rock turned red. This was her lover’s attacker and she knew it.

Seia grabbed some rocks, jumped out of the bushes and started throwing them at the fat man. She missed her target every time. But before she knew it, his flaming hot spear was in her heart and she fell, dead.

The next morning Adeis woke up, but did not know which way to go, so he grabbed the deer carcass and just started walking one way. He went through some bushes, to what looked like an old human camp spot. A question what's the difference between a human camp and elves, my point is how he know it's a human camp, something to think about) But then he found what looked to be, his lover.

“Seia…” He whispered to himself frowning.

He knew what had happened. She would come looking for him if he didn’t return and she would not have felt his heart through his armor and would have thought he was dead. She would have thought he was dead, and would have wanted revenge.

He dropped his carcass and carried his lover back to where he killed the deer. He dug a hole and put Seia in her grave, before he covered the hole he put his plate of armor on top of her shirt.

“This is to protect thee from bad spirits m’love.” He said as he started covering her grave.

When he finished with her grave, he grabbed the buck and some flowers and left them both on her grave. He then disappeared into the darkness of the trees.


Not a bad story, edit it a bit and work on it and we'll have something.

Good luck VSN :).
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We are the ink, we are the quill.
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