The Gummi Bear Poem

ABCDEFG, Gummi Bears are chasing me!
One is Red and one is blue,
The yellow one just ate my shoe!

HIJKLMN, I remember way back when,
My sour Skittles bit my lip!
They pinched my skin and kicked my hip!

OPQRST, At the theatre, in seat three,
Jolly Ranchers jumped on me!
They tickled me ‘til I went pee!

UVWXYZ, Now for surely you must see
Me and candies don’t agree!
You don’t have to pay a fee
To see them all come after me!

*Note: This Poem was co-written with my sister and my best friend about four or five years ago*

Erm...it's cute, but pretty childish. I find it darn near impossible to take seriously. The colors don't help either.

One is Red and one is blue,
The yellow one just ate my shoe!

Here, it would be better to say:
One is red, another blue
A yellow one just ate my shoe
Otherwise you're implying that there are only two gummy bears, a red and a blue, and then this yellow guy pops up out of nowhere.

OPQRST, At the theatre, in seat three,
Jolly Ranchers jumped on me!
They tickled me ‘til I went pee!

The rhyme scheme changes here. Previously it was a-b-b, c-d-d. This has the same rhyme for all three lines of the stanza. It's also a little crazy because the same rhyme continues in the last stanza.

Remember, writing about childish themes doesn't always mean that you have to write a childish poem. Here's a favorite by Howard Nemerov that you might like...

Howard Nemerov wrote:A Primer for the Daily Round

A peels an apple, while B kneels to God,
C telephones to D, who has a hand
On E's knee, F coughs, G turns up the sod
For H's grave, I do not understand
But J is bringing one clay pigeon down
While K brings down a nightstick on L's head,
And M takes mustard, N drives into town,
O goes to bed with P, and Q drops dead,
R lies to S, but happens to be heard
By T, who tells U not to fire V
For having to give W the word
That X is now deceiving Y with Z,
Who happens just now to remember A
Peeling an apple somewhere far away.

Keep at it!
-Colleen

OH MY GOD! *keels over with laughter*

You are a truly talented comedian! The line about going pee nearly killed me. I love poems that smack you in the face with their randomness. You're a genius!

Rea! This is so adorably cute! I love the style and the sense of voice that it has! The rhymes were all cute and I love the gummi's and sour skittles! I giggled when I read it and I giggle now, as I think on it.

You, your sister, and your friend did a wonderful job at making a terribly silly and fun poem. Nice work ^.^

Oh, though I must mention, I agree with Cade on the first stanza's gummi issue, it dounds like there're only 2 gummi bears and then a third crashes in unanounced. The suggestion to fix it was good too, lovely advice

Love it my dear, really

*Hearts* Le Penguin.

Silly fun, all that, which has a place assuredly, but nothing that sticks with you.

It made me laugh! I liked it. It is nonsensical, but in a good way.

Lol. This is so funny! The rhythm in stanza three is kind of out...I'd make suggestions on how to imprrove it, but for some reason I wanted to read this whole thing in the tune of the alphabet,and sometimes the tune and the alphabet didn't agree, like in "OPQRST". I love "the yellow one just ate my shoe."Heehee. Cade makes some good points, and I agree about the "another" thing and the rhyme scheme, though admittedely I didn't notice either of these things at first....probably because I was too busy singing this in my head to the tune of the alphabet...*swats away crazy fairies.*

I think its wayyyyy funny! Poems are a heck of a lot more fun to read when there funny like that! Thanks that just totally made my day!

Cade basically said everything I wanted to say. Let's just remember: the best poems can be ont he simplest and most childish things. Just don't make them "cutsey". Overall good job on making me smile

-Evang.

this made me laugh, it was so much fun to read.

i personally liked the colors, it is a poem for children, and the colors showed that. i love where you peed on your shoe. lol.

i think this is great, it was a welcome change from all the emotion in most poems.
if i were you, i would keep this one forever and not change a thing. especially since it was written with your sister.

awesome job, thanks for the smile it put on my face.

kim

That made me laugh.

It's random, but in that utterly funny way. It'd be good for a children's book on poetry, too. At last! a poem that isn't like every single other poem!!!


Jenni321