Decahero - Ch1

Edited:

The Decahero story, along with it's counterpart Uberhero, is no longer canon as written here. As is such, I have removed it. Thanks for reading, and I hope you guys get to read the real thing!

Although is was pretty good, one thing bugged me throughout. Pretty much over half of it was one big info-dump. This is a big no-no as it deters peopel from reading much furthur into your piece. Plot wise, it's not obscure and I can see roughly what it's about. If you worked on your info dump problem this could become pretty good.

Ryter,

This is… weird. O_o But in the positive sense of the word, of course. Especially the first part. It’s a response? A written response? If so, then turn it into italics, to make it stand out more. That’s all I have to say, really. Looks as if I’m not much help, but I really don’t know what to make of this. At least of the first part. For now, I’ll plunge into a false sense familiarity and deal with the boring grammatical-like issues:


Quote:
yes, that’s it.
Capitalized?


And that’s it for that. Again, I don’t really know what to make of this… I can’t help you with the spacing or anything, because I just don’t - I’m just lost. Puzzled. Perplexed. Bamboozled. I don’t understand. Or I do. Or rather, I haven’t ever read anything like this. ^_^ Hello, Test Subjects nr 1.

Commander Burgeon looks like an interesting character…

But back to your MC. *Cough* Or to your MC, since until now I haven’t mentioned it. The way you presented you POV is very interesting, and it drew me in. Point for you, there. What I didn’t like was the ultra-short sentences - it makes it sound a bit choppy. The style, however, I like. Ow make something of that, if you will.

I didn’t actually see any info-dumps, to tell the truth. And it’s all interesting, very interesting…


Cheers,
Esme

I see... (taking notes)
but what exactly is an info-dump? (Whether or not if I've done that here)

Thanks for all the critiques!