The Girl I Wish I Wasn't

You were the guy who was meant to be mine.
The only one, who I couldn't find.
Even in my own mind.

I'm just a friend,
and she's just the end to us, to us.

I'm just a girl,
and she's just your world.

By the second day,
I thought I would lose my mind,
I was forced to hide my empty feelings inside.

I'm just a friend,
and she's just the end. To us, to us.

I'm just a girl
and she's just your world.

Because I'm just your friend
and she's just the end
to love, to us, to our friendship and trust.

I'm just broken inside,
I was left behind, left to find.
Dead or alive.

I like it, but the sentences are a little chopy. But I really like it. A lot of repeting yourself.

I personally LOVE repetition, but it felt like you had maybe just a teensy bit much. Also the ending was...I guess disappointing? I don't know, I just wanted the girl to be like BUT I KICK BUTT SO FORGET HIM. Haha. But that's just me being weird. And maybe beef up the stanzas with a little bit more imagery, etc. But it was nice :]

I really like this stuff you come up with.

I still think you'd make a great song writer. That's what most of you stuff reminds me of. It's really good though.

Keep up the good work!!


Lots O' Luv,
Lindsay

To be honest, I didn't like it very much. I think this would be better suited in lyrics than in poetry.

I didn't really get what you were trying to say. Maybe if you added some more and put it in lyrics it would make more sense.

Sorry to be harsh, but they're just my thoughts.

I have to agree, these seems like lyrics.


For me, they were too bland an unoriginal. I can't exactly tell what you are talking about, I can only guess. Worse yet, I can't feel with you.

I'm only going to end up repeating myself, since I've found I'm just saying the same things to all your poems..

If you would like more help, or need something, feel free to PM me.