Forgotten

(<also posted on some other websites...>)

Forgotten

Once I used to live a happy life,
filled with happiness and no strife.
But now I had grown up,
and when I look around,
nothing was by my side.
I tried writing letters to you,
to all my best friends.
But you pretend you don't know anything,
ignoring questions and pleas that I sent.
And I'm alone now,
feeling icy cold inside.
You can't have forgotten me so fast,
I thought our friendship would last.
Every night I stare at the stars,
wondering where you are.
You must've thought that I am gone,
But you are wrong.
How can you forgotten me,
after all the happy times we enjoyed!
Now you left me weeping,
I feel that I don't even exist.
Everyday I write letters to post,
tears dripping onto the parchment.
You think of me as a foe,
never even bothering to listen.
How could you forget everything,
how could you be so vain and selfish?
Now you don't care about me,
then I won't care about anything!
All I want is some accompaniment,
I want happy moments.
But I have no one to laugh with,
because you've forgotten me.
You never thought that in your life
I was missing.
You just think blankly.
But I haven't forgotten you,
I'm still waiting for you.
Now I'm still wishing
that you haven't forgotten me.

Ok this poem was ok, but there were a few things that soured my opinion.

Once I used to live a happy life,
filled with happiness and no strife.

Your first two lines totally repeated themselves.

And in the first line you use "Once" and "I used to" that's the same thing. So you could either go with "I used to live a happy life" or "Once I lived a happy life" either work, but not together like that, it doesn't sound too good.

And you use happy in both lines. The second I read that I seriously wanted to hit something. It kills any good thoughts someone is going to have about your poem. So if you use a word that means the same of happiness it will work.


Another thing that threw me off while reading your poem was your rhyme scheme. I couldn't follow it for the life of me.

At first I thought it was like
A
A
B
B
C
C
etc.

But then there were random lines thrown in that didn't rhyme with anything and it didn't sound too good to me.

Otherwise, it was ok. It can definitely be improved. Good Luck!

Lots O' Luv,
Lindsay