Red Sky September

I walked towards the door. I knew I would be late, but at least I could get there before the doors close. I've done that before! I had to climb through a window to get in, they still haven't noticed the broke glass in the trash can.

"Hey there Mr. Charles!" I said to my neighbor. He is an older man, probably in his mid eighties. He likes me but I think he is a scary fellow.

"Hello there Dani, have you been losing your mail?" He asked.

"No, I have it every day! Why do you ask?"

"I think the mail boy is stealing my paper, don't you think so?" He replied.

"I don't know, maybe you should ask him." I said, sarcastically. I didn't like him for one good reason. He didn't trust anyone, according to him he is being stalked, harassed, and abused! But its just every day life catching up to him.

I didn't like driving my car, it's a Corvet Stingray. I always get weird looks as if I'm crazy! But I know its just because I have the nicest car in my city.

I live in a little city called Potan Village. It's a nice place for being a Village, but I'd rather live closer to Red Sky, such a long drive! Usually takes around 20 minutes to get there!

I got in my car, started it up, and drove off. It was a cold day, the window started fogging up when i turned up the heat but the fog dissipated eventually. I hate driving!

I was two streets away from Red Sky, it only took me 15 minutes to get there too! I was impressed. I drove down Moore Road, the road Red Sky was on, as fast as I could. I hit 78 miles per hour before I had to slow down to hit the speed bump without tearing off my shocks.

I approached the parking lot, anticipating the jobs for today. I had to stand in front of a door all day, much fun. But I had a bad feeling in my stomach, not like I was going to get sick, but more like something bad was going to happen. Maybe the door will open and bump me in the nose!

Hmm...Ok...here's what i'm going to point out:

oswitch from present tense to past tense a LOT - I do it a lot too, you don't realise you're doing it. BUt it's confusing to read so you need to decide what tense you are going to write in.

neighbor.

- Neighbour

I've noticed that you also use a heck of a lot of excalmation makrs - are the all really necessary??

I didn't like driving my car, it's a Corvet Stingray. I always get weird looks as if I'm crazy! But I know its just because I have the nicest car in my city.

-This part is a little contradictory, if he dosen't like driving the car would he really have bought such an expensive one?

I got in my car, started it up, and drove off. It was a cold day, the window started fogging up when i turned up the heat but the fog dissipated eventually. I hate driving

- Put this part with the bit above - otherwise the part above is not needed. And you don't need to say that he hates driving as we already were told that in a way.

Maybe the door will open and bump me in the nose

!
-This bit...I don't know. You put some things in here that don't seem to fit - is this a serious story or are you making it a slight comdey - you should make it clear form the beginning.

Hope the next part goes well!

Meevs
x

A dark parody! Funny! I love it; made my day.

Er, miyavi, neighbour and neighbor are both correct, death is obviously American.