Break Neck 2

The plan was flawed, and relied to much on luck; the guards had to be at the perfect spot at the perfect time to get us to escape. Forget the plan... Reconfigure. The man who helped me didn't belong to a particular gang; that will soon change. He went through a tough 2 week initiation of beating and hazing but now he's part of "The Crimson Crew".

The prison was called Texas State Penitentiary it was one of the nicer prisons (if I had to choose). There were maybe 20 gangs. The most popular and most feared were the "Crimson Crew" they had the most authority next to the guards. The gang we are planing to take over is called "The 666's" they were by far the meanest, but not most powerful.

Starting a riot is no easy work. On the basket-ball court there was the leader of the 666's he was just standing idly near the basket. Watching the game I guess. I walked up to him and jabbed a sharpened spoon into a man's side; he shouted and threw a punch. everyone started to defend their gang, which meant to kill as many of the enemy as possible. The guards ran over with their pistols and stun guns, The emergency door was still open but shutting fast. I slipped away from the riot. I ran to it and slipped my body in just as it closed. I hurried into the warden's office. There was a change of clothes, I changed in a matter of seconds. There were no shackles or chains on me, it was free-time so they took them off for about an hour.

I grabbed a key-card and scanned it on the security door. I walked outside and I was free. With only 6 months of my 20 years served.

I am an escaped Convict.

Well, it's rushed. How does the riot start? Who is this escaped convict?

Answer those questions, and give us an idea of the setting. Show, don't tell.

Okay Jake, I didn't think you'd do it but you did. You wrote another Break Neck. Don't write anymore unless you intend to make them better. They lack character development and other neccessary things all good stories need. You also failed (once again) to make this piece a realistic. People in jail would yes, kill other people but not just right away. Please Jake, take your time on these

I TOTALLY agree with Alex on this one Jake... You need to stop writing the Breakneck storys until you give them some thought or time... I dont say this to be mean i just want you to have the best series you can have and so far you have a ways to go...

When you wrote the first contract I did critique as detailed as I could. You barely changed anything. Only a few words, maybe. You wrote so many more up to chapter 6. And even now, a number 2!

Of all the contracts there is no story. He's just out there killing people then when someone kills his brother he kills some more and goes to jail. No conflict! There's nothing to be excited about. It feels like a bland story.

After the 2nd contract I couldn't really have the desire to critique anymore. When I read Break Neck 2 however I think I was more interested compared to the series of contracts in Break Neck 1. Why? Most probably because of the change of scene and scenario. I was too tired reading contracts that by the time this came out, a simple change of scene made things better. Can't you see how it works?

Please, please.. listen and know thoroughly how to fix your story before attempting again. If you know how to fix one story, the chapter after that will already be better since you know what to change when you write generally. All the best.