My friend Tempest (somewhere above) said I should check this out, and I was not disappointed Good description, dialogue - very clear portrait of events in my mind.
One thing though- I mean, people will want to read more anyway because it's really good but a cliffhanger would have been good. Ending does leave me curious though.
I'm glad you're doing that in episodes becuase I did that with a story (Invasion of Solari, unfinished at the moment - parts 1-6) and it got many views because people would follow the series through and people who saw part 3&4, 5&6 would go and read 1&2 as well. It's a good way of setting it out in my opinion, so it wouldn't be a bad idea to keep it as short installments with a cliffhnager ending so people aren't put off by a mass of writing read through at once.
Some people prefer to read large bits of text all at once though it's up to you.
Actually, looking back at your portfolio, you've done that with many of your works - but yeah, a bit of advice for anyone that views this post
Good description, dialogue - very clear portrait of events in my mind.
