The Murdered and the Murderer (extended)

Death came swiftly
that Midsummer's night;
I doubt such a young girl
could put up much a fight.

A sick minded murderer,
A cold hearted man,
to take a girl's life
to prove that he can.

He caressed her body,
fondled the soft skin. - "the" is unnessacary
He stole her virginity,
a horrible sin.

She cried as he pulled
the knife from it's case;
he slit her throat slowly
before hiding her face.

The body found floating
away down the stream.
The family is grieving,
a huge loss, it does seem.

Send a young girl to peace;
Send a cruel man to death.
He will laugh as he takes
a final, deep breath.

The casket is closing,
hide her beauty evermore.
Fair hair, blood red lips,
and ironic metaphor. - is 'and' supposed to be 'an'

The rope's being tightened;
hang him, we shall.
A so fitting justice,
eternal burning in Hell. - Good! That b****** deserves to die!

Wow. Freaky - love it. Not that I'm a rapist or anything. You did a great job rhyming, I must say. Freakin love it. LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT.
You are such a great poet, it's unbelievable. I hope to read more of your work

EDITED BY MATT BELLAMY: Please refrain from swearing outside of literary pieces.

Your stuff is good and you shouldn't be afraid to post more - how else are you going to improve? But I do think you should try writing this from the point of view of the girl, because as it is I don't feel any emotion at all. Also I don't understand your line about the ironic metaphor - where's the metaphor? Anyway, this was okay, but having read some of your other work, I think you could have done so much better.
Bkwrm

Yes, the rhyming scheme is good, and yes, the writing itself is not bad. However, I find the rhyming scheme a little too light-hearted for this subject. The tone just...doesn't seem to fit, somehow. Saying that, I do think it is a good poem, and the rhyming does sound good. It just doesn't seem to sit very well.

Okay, not going to lie, when I read that people's hair stood up on the back of their neck when they read this, I thought...."Some one's full of herself..."

I read the first line, and I thought "ummm..."

then I read the fourth line and I said out loud "HOLY SHIT"

Great job. No joke. This is beyond good. This is great.

I hate rape. That rapist deserves to hang.

Andrew

(I thought I'd end this with a smiley because it sounds kinda morbid, what with me saying i hope some one hangs)

:]