Firebrand: Chapter 1, Part 1 and 2

okay everyone, i'm really sorry about this, but i'm not posting anymore on this story. i'm not sure if posting my novel on this website would keep me from getting it published. until i find out, i'm not going to post anymore. i'm so sorry, and thank you all so much for you input.


~Sunny

I really liked your work. I can't think of any mistakes, except maybe the teacher was a little too... unrealistic. I liked what you did with her though.
This story really grabbed my attention. Mostly because of the down to earth voice. Keep writing. I want to keep reading ^o^V

“By the way, you spelled ‘Antoinette’ wrong.”

Haha

As it seems to be working swimmingly

Ah? I would suggest using another word here. I know it's on her blog, so it would be written how she would say it, but it's just kind of out of place.

Um, also the "This or that for the day" were kind of unnecessary. I know it's for her blog, but I don't think it really adds to the storyline or anything. You might cut those out, but you don't have to if you don't want to. It's just my suggestion.

Good job!

-GJ

hmm...i think you're right about the blog...i'm not sure...i'll have to figure that out. but that sentence is a bit awkward isn't it? i just liked the word "swimmingly" lol.

and i actually have a teacher who acts like that, so in my mind she's not unrealistic, but i'll try to fix that if i can.

I loved it. No one part of it seemed too unrealistic or awkward; the parts that could be considered as such were primarily stylistic choices anyway, and unique to the character's voice.

I *loved* the teacher. I've had teachers like that -- and worse -- before, so I completely understand. I've had teachers scream (literally) into my face to FINISH MY WORK, even though I have the finished assignment sitting on my desk, ready for them to grade. D: High school's a joy. lol

~ aisho

sorry again.

~Sunny

Good job. I actually didn't find anything to critque, but I would say that it would be easier if you posted the story in different sections...that's just my thought.

-GJ

lyrical_sunshine wrote:“Dentist,” he mumbled, his eyes flickering over me. I squashed an irrepressible urge to shout “Boo!”

I love that!

I actually really like this. So far, nothing to critique but some minor grammar problems, but they don't really change the story at all....Did that make sense??

Ahh well. Keep it up! I'm looking forward to reading more!

Sorry! Wish you could post...I have that same problem...I'm not sure if I should keep posting...

-GJ