corresponding

corresponding

I am the curl of phrase
the breath in the wire.
A bandaid;
If I am good,
you will forget me,
and the wound you bid me bind.

Right...
It made me a bit confused. I think I know what you were trying to say.

I am the curl of phrase
the breath in the wire.
A bandaid;
If I am good,
you will forget me,
and the wound you bid me bind.

I think you could split it between 'A bandaid;' and the beginning of 'If I am good,'

Overall I think you should focus more on what you want to say. But I think it is good. I think I get the picture.

Simple imagery and metaphor, Someguy. The curl of phrase, that's just words from someone, a letter, and email. The breath in the wire, the telephone.
I cannot put a break after bandaid because the following lines are an elaboration upon that metaphor.

The message is pretty straight forward too, the idea of someone as a bandaid, that they help you, if you forget them, then you also forget the problem you were helping you with. You never remember the good bandaid, only the one that didn't stop you getting infected. You take what you need from people, and if they're good, they don't scar you for life.

yeah... i got it tough.
its not confusing at all, you just need to see the words behind the words.

i like it!

vince

I hate to say it, but I really wouldn't have understood this without the explanation. Kit,this was far too deep for even me to understand. ^_~ (And really, don't take my "awesomeness" as you always do, and then say this poem is bad. It's just hard to understand the deep metaphor).

Should you have some kind of punctuation break between L1 and L2? I also think ending L3 in a semicolon is bothersome--why not a period? or a colon? I think a period would work nicely.

It was pretty though, before and even more so once I understood it.

At first, I was confused about the first two lines, whether they were meant to stand alone or together. I like the concept of the bandaid, but I think you could elaborate just a wee bit on its relevance to the correspondence mentioned in the title and first part of the poem. I love how it's short, but still thoughtful.

I would of been very confused without the explanation but now i get it, i think it is great.





x

I don't usually do posts like this --

but I loved it. I think it's the best I've read by you.

Though I think the title might be better as "correspondence"

As always I become stunned by you and your work. Considering the level of depth, deceptive or not, in your other poetry, this is surprisingly easy to understand. Perhaps that is just me?... but I didn't need the explanation to understand the idea of the friend.

Like a bandaid, the friend is used only when must, and once that use if nullified, it is to be forgotten, as the wound itself is. If someone touched you properly, completly, you should remember them - remember the brand of bandaid -... but no one ever does, not really.

Lovely, really. Your prasing is also gorgeous; "I am the curl of prase" I awe. ^^

*Hearts* Le Penguin.