The forest whispers

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Rated R for blood and gore

The forests whispers
Prologue

It is new moon.
The wolf’s howl is missing in the forest.
The small city, resting at the bottom of the hillside, prepares to sleep. The city is silent.

Half moon.
The forest has life in it at last, but the wolf’s howl is still vacant.
The city guards are on the patrol. They are tired. They fought for so long. They wish the war will end. The mages are to strong. They barely escaped.

Full moon.
The forest is quiet. Unusual, for it is full moon. The people await a wrestles night.
The wolf howls its sorrow sound on top of the hillside, but something was different in the wolf’s howl. It sounded more…aggressive.

The wind blows slowly. The trees whispers to each other. The forest was different.

The howl stops. It made the guards uncomfortable. They were surrounded by forest. They could not tell what’s going on.

They lit the fire lamps and fire logs, so that they could see better.
What they saw, shocked them. Packs of wolfs, but by the thousand came out of the forest. All around them.
They woke the soldiers up. They all went around the wall, frightened.

The wolves moved closer and closer.
The captain was breathless. He couldn’t say a word.

They were almost at the wall, but suddenly came to a halt.
The wolves all stood up, like a normal human being. they dislocated there front legs so that it is almost like human arms. Slowly nails the size of ribs of a human came out of there paws. There teeth, were sharper.

These wolves’, were human.

The earth started to shake from the forest.
A humongous wolf, the size of 10 men, came pounding out of the woods.

It came to the front gates. ripping its own arm of at the point.
He slowly lifted it…

A soldier noticed the moon was not white, but purple!

The wolf kept it in the air for a while…
The soldier felt somehow weaker.

The wolf’s arm came back to earth.

The soldier silently, fell to the ground.

The wall was broken with one swift strike! The wolves charged in, killing their own to get in if they have to, to get through.

The soldiers fought, but were worthless against these creatures might. To strong were these animals.
They broke the soldiers shields with one quick bash and shattered it, leaving the men defenseless.
The women and children try to flee, but they were too slow and weak to face the animal’s power.

They were all killed before the dawn could even approach.

The moon has changed from purple, to a painful red.

The wolves, started eating there kill. The blood dripping down on the wolves’ chest.
Slowly they devoured them, until dawn approached.
The all went out, landing on there front paws and moving back into the forest.

The city was covered with bones and chunks of meat. The smell was unbearable.
The blood…
Was everywhere.

The sun was out. It was a normal day, except for the city that has witness the horror.

A small battalion that was sent by Eurasia, the nearest city and very great ally, came as reinforcements against the war of magic.
They witness the horror when they entered the city.
Few of the men had to get out just to breath.
The Captain examined one of the half eaten corpses.
He was a hunter before the war. He could tell the difference between a hawk’s footprint and an eagle’s footprint. He knew it was wolf bites. He was confused.

He told his men to get supplies from the food storage.
There was nothing left. Just death.

They made ready for the march back home.
One of the men though, caught a terrible fever. They thought he wouldn’t make it.
He started growing here everywhere. His eyes grew narrower, his mouth seemed larger.
He acted strangely.

One night, just at the familiar hill the soldiers recognize that meant they are close to home, one of the men woke up to see that that the ill soldier was missing.
He woke the Captain up.
The Captain went looking for the ill man. The now awoken soldier volunteered to go with him.

The moon was normal…

A growl suddenly came out of nowhere.
The captain and the soldier jumped to there feet.

A wolf came out of a bush with two just behind him.
The soldier slowly moved backwards to notice that four wolves were behind them.
The Captain shows the hunting stance that there going to use.
The captain of course thought this would be easy.
The Captain looks up. He always looked at the sky before a battle.
A nasty habit he says, but he knows more than he should tell.

He was stunned. The full moon was purple. He couldn’t move. He felt a faint from afar.
He fell so fast, the soldier didn’t notice him. He was busy thinking what he should do.
He made ready.
He slowly lifted his sword.

The wolves stood up. Their front arms dislocated to become humans arms.

The soldier was dead. Even before the wolf in front of him sliced his thought open.

Full moon was the wolves’ territory. Now it is its playground.
The ill man joined its pack forever…

***

The men woke up to only smell the horrible stench they smelled at the city.
It could only mean one thing.
The wolves must have attacked Eurasia.
They run up hill, only to see the same marks on the walls as at the Fallen city.
They went to wake there captain, only to see his area where he has slept empty.
They started to look for him. One of them founded him, after throwing up.

They left the Captain and soldier so that they could rest.( Even if you have been devoured by wolves that can stand up.)

The men tried to find survivors, but none of their people were alive. Only half eaten or remains of what use to be people.

The men ate horribly that night.
The food tasted different. The men didn’t care. Their people are dead. Their brothers in arms have been destroyed.
Something was wrong though.
The men became very ill that night.

But soon they’ll join their pack.
Look at my big shiny shell...




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My friend, you have commited one of the biggest literary no-nos.

You bounce between the present and the past tense. Ouch. Do not do that. Please. Trust me here. Going back and forth between tenses will never strengthen your prose. Pick one and stay with it.

The imagery is nice . . . You have some very compelling lines, but a lot of it seems rather flat, kind of blase. I think you are trying to impress a sense of urgency with the present tense and the short, terse lines . . . But it doesn't work for me, personally.

These wolves, were human.

Get rid of that comma. It's unnecessary.

Don't use numbers in prose unless they're huge numbers, and even then avoid them if you might. No need to put "10." "Ten" is much better.

A soldier noticed the moon was not white, but purple!

I think you need a little more built around something like this to really make it dramatic. This line was more funny than impressive. I'd try some more involved description of the soldier looking up, realizing in shock that the moon was a strange, unsettling hue of violet . .. You get the idea.

The soldier silently, fell to the ground.

Kill that comma.

The wall was broken with one swift strike!

Eh. Get rid of the exclamation point. It makes it too . . . well, it's like when a little kid uses a lot of energy to impress you with a lame joke, when the joke woud be funnier if he said it straight-faced. The line itself isn't lame, but trying to stretch its energy weakens it.

The soldiers fought, but were worthless against these creatures might. To strong were these animals.

Creatures is possessive, "creatures'." It should be "too," not "to." Soldiers should be pluraled in the same way as creatures in the next line.

The moon has changed from purple, to a painful red.

Again, you just randomly change tense. I'd be surprised if anyone here would advocate that. . . . Unless you have a really good, very well thought out reason for doing this, I'd avoid it, personally.

The soldier slowly moved backwards to notice that four wolves were behind them.
The Captain shows the hunting stance that there going to use.
The captain of course thought this would be easy.
The Captain looks up. He always looked at the sky before a battle.

Every one of those sentences starts with "the" and don't really form a cohesive paragraph. Plus, the other three sentences start with Captain. Eh. It's kind of dry, do you agree?

He was stunned. The full moon was purple. He couldn’t move. He felt a faint from afar.
He fell so fast, the soldier didn’t notice him. He was busy thinking what he should do.
He made ready.
He slowly lifted his sword.

I don't know about this . . . There's something almost good about the repetition of "He" here . . . Sort of creates a cadence that you don't have in the other one . . . But my initial writerly advice is to avoid starting sentences with the same word, again, unless you have a seriously well thought out purpose in doing so.

.( Even if you have been devoured by wolves that can stand up.)

This sentence doesn't explain itself very well, I don't think.

This story was a little dry. It needs some work, but I think there's potential for a sort of psychological exploration of the event of real werewolves attacking your villages . . .I would work on describing things a little more clearly, like the environment, how characters are feeling, and such. You do it, but try and use more vivid language. I think this is a case of a good writer writing badly, no offense. What you need to do is put a creative spark here, something that separates this from the survival horror in every other vampire and zombie story . .. Since werewolves are different only in form, but are basically the same kind of danger.

Nonetheless, I did enjoy this story for some of its aspects, like the simplicity of the narrative and the grim musings at the end, which sort of suggest a kind of futility, and a kind of never-ending-story-esque mood. It's got a lot of good ideas embedded, it just needs a lot of ironing out before it can be considered complete. Keep working on this, and good luck!



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