There are monsters under my bed

There are monsters under my bed:

There are monsters under my bed
With their evil eyes gleaming red

They have blood stained teeth
Designed to rip me limb from limb
My killing will be very brief
Yes, this spectacle is very grim

This happens every night
No sleep and to much fear
I have decided to fight
And kick this monsters rear

But I know that after I have fought
The chance of surviving for long
Will be one thousand to naught
So I call my secret weapon:
MOM!

soooooo, what do you think?

I read it at school so you know what I said, but, I want to get points
(Muahuahahahahaha)

There are monsters under my bed
With their evil eyes gleaming red

Right... Evil

They have blood stained teeth
Designed to rip me limb from limb
My killing will be very brief
Yes, this spectacle is very grim

Disturbing...

This happens every night
No sleep and to much fear
I have decided to fight
And kick this monsters rear

Ha Ha your dead.

But I know that after I have fought
The chance of surviving for long
Will be one thousand to naught
So I call my secret weapon:
MOM!

Sad...

Really funny Ha Ha

ok....

you scare me too

just joking

vince

Hmm.. This was okay and it had a good rhythm but the idea is so over used that it becomes a little boiring after the tenth time of reading it. Try and think of a new way to interpret these "monsters under the bed" and use distinct words that'll set it apart from everyone elses work.

You might want to check over for typos: 'to' instead of 'too'.

I agree with Lizzy, go for something original, make the monster[s] sound scary. I'm old and still afraid of things under the bed even if I know there isn't really anything down there--expect for spiders!

This was fairly good... I liked the line, "they have bloodstained teeth", as the imagery is very good there.
The rest of it, aside from that line, was... mediocre. Agreeing with Ginger, this was definitely an overused idea, and I think that if you could find a new way to put this, that would definitely make it better.

So, on to grammar:

There are monsters under my bed
With their evil eyes gleaming red

They have blood/stained teeth
Designed to rip me limb from limb
My killing will be very brief
Yes, this spectacle is very grim

This happens every night
No sleep and too much fear
I have decided to fight
And kick this monster's rear

But I know that after I have fought
The chance of surviving for long
Will be one thousand to naught
So I call my secret weapon:
MOM!

~~~~~~~~~~~
And sorry that I couldn't get it to show color. For some reason my computer won't hack that.

And before I go, not a bad job on the rhymes.

Peace, love, chocolate.

Muffin

Awww... the ending is so cute!

This reminds me of Shel Silverstein or something similar, and that's good. ^_^ I think you should make your first stanza like the others and put four lines, instead of just two. It'll make it prettier in the long run, I think. ^_^

Awww Vince! I loved the ending. I giggled.

hehe I don't think the mosters under the bed theme is over used at all! I love that stuff!!

I think this is a really good poem. Good job.

Love,
Lindsay

P.S. I hope the monters are nice to you tonight. I don't want you to get ripped limb from limb!

A cute poem with a Halloween feel about it.

Enjoyed the conclusion.

That was really fun to read. It had a good rhythm to it, but it was not very original compared to others.

To make it really stand out and be different, I would try using some different words to describe the monsters, but I really liked when you said the monsters had "blood-stained teeth."

Good job! Nice poem!