This is a copy of my original short story that I wrote. While I want you to be critical, please remember that this is my first short story.
The Painter.
One time there lived a painter named Eddie Rule. He was your averager house painter, lived in a small house with a green yard with his wife and daughter. Eddie worked in a up and comming community, so being a house painter he was hired often. Eddie was just your average guy, not a care in the world.
On a bleak winter day Eddie got up to hear the phone ringing, and not wanting to wake his wife or daughter he hurried to get it. He picked it up just before the answering machine could get it. As it turned out it was someone wanting him to paint their new kitchen. After some negotiating he agreed to a fair amount of money and hurried to get ready and get his coffe. He got out into his car and started to pull out when he realized he forgot to buy new paint and he had used the last bit at the last job he had done.
Cursing himself he pulled out of the driveway and started down the street toward the hardware store. As he was going down the hill at the bottom of his street he hit a pothole at spilled some coffe on himself and burnt his leg. He looked up at the last moment to see a jogger try to jump out of the way as the car swerved right at her. The jogger didnt move fast enough. He felt the body thud under this tires and slammed on the breaks.
He got out of his car and found the body mangled about ten feet behind his car. He could barely tell by looking that it was a girl, the body was so mangles he knew she had to be dead. Trying to figure out what he was going to do and why she was out jogging by his house, which was in the middle of nowhere. He couldnt call the police because he had just recently gotten a D.U.I. and they would think he was intoxicated. Thinking quickly he pulled the body into his car and covered it with one of his painting tarps.
He went to the hardware store and bought the paint he needed. He drove around the back of the store and checked if anyone was around. When he was sure no one was there he pulled the body out of the tarp and threw it in the dumpster, since trash pickup was today he doubted anyone would find the body. He went on with his day like normal. He went to the house, finished it and even got a tip for doing such a good job.
He drove home feeling quite pleased with himself. When he got home he could tell something was wrong because there was a black sedan he did not reacognize parked in the driveway. He went inside to find someone in a black suit talking to his wife who was crying into a hankerchief. He walked into the room and asked his wife what was going on. She looked at him and sobbed out " Oh Eddie, they found clair's body badly mangled in a dumpster behind the hardware store!"
Eddie fell into a chair and buried his face in his hands. Clair was his daughters name.
