Sorrow

We are all strangers to life,
As we begin down the road.

With an opportunity to touch others
Before we get old.

Humbly, I write, these words you would say,
Your message passed on, to others this day.

Our time seems long,
But in reality it's brief

Don't be saddened by my passing,
Don't be burdened with grief .

I can only imagine, as you look from above,
The pride you must feel to know you are loved.

Momma and the family, will continue to carry on.
And keep you memory alive

Well after you have gone.
A special thanks from me , directed to your son

A truer friend few have, because of
You I have one.

Know your seeds still grow,
As you sit on your heavenly seat

Here's a blessing from the heart,
To the man i didn't meet.

--Dedicated to Keith, as you join your father in heaven 9/13/07

Quite good, with a good meaning behind the poem, which I enjoyed.

Remember to proofread your work before you post so that you can check for mistakes and also so you can see if it makes sense and also, I think you should review your structure, as I found it a little abrupt, as I did with the flow.

Needs improvement, but I liked it.

I like the 'I' and 'you' that you use here. It makes it more personal for me, and it's also something I've never been so good at myself. The meaning is mostly conveyed well also, though I'm a little confused - is the speaker someone who has died or is he/she talking to someone who has died?

Mostly, I'm going to address things like format here, so bear with me. Also remember that I'm not exactly an expert on poetry myself.

First, look at the rhyme scheme. It's obvious that you want rhyme to be a large part of this poem's format, but it seems all over the place to me. No worries though, just take a look at it, you'll soon see what I mean. Think about whether you want an ABAB format, an AABB format, or a mixture of the two. It looks like you've gone for a mix here, but it's difficult to follow, which for me at least, affects the flow of the poem. Which leads me on to...

Verses. It may be that the only reason the rhyme scheme is confusing me so much is that this poem seems to be lacking verses. All of the lines are standing solo as it stands. Group a few of the lines and it'll help rhyme, break it up a bit so that it's easier to read, and it may even help with content as well!

Lastly, take Lizzy's advice and proofread before you post things. People often miss misspellings, punctuation errors etc. only because they forgot this golden rule. =)

Good luck with this poem, and all those that follow! Hope I helped somewhat. Oh, and if you have any more questions, just ask.

Kay.


EDIT: I've just noticed your age. Whatever you do, I want to say, keep at it! Because if I had started writing and carried on when I was your age, I'm sure I'd be a lot better than I actually am. ;] I'll keep an eye out for your work here. =)