Mystery

4 posts
Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 17
(Lucky)

"Charlie why did I come to this old house with you? Don't roll your eyes at me. What is it that we have to do?
The rain is lashing at the windows and the floor creaks loudly beneath our feet.
What do you expect to find? Or better yet expect to meet.

(Charlie)

It's a mystery aeons old.
It's a secret that can never be told.
But I must find out the truth.
We have got to search for clues.

(Lucky)

Alright I am happy to help you out.
But first my friend, tell me what is this mystery about?

(Charlie)

You remember all the stories the older folks have told.
About a map leading to a treasure, made up of jewels and gold.
Well I found the map and now all we must do, is find the treasure.
Come on, let's look for clues.

Charlie's friend Lucky was intrigued now and agreed to help her search.
Though when they tried to walk up the stairs, they met a tall, thin, pale figure, that looked like the Addams Families butler Lurch.

Lucky let out a scream. But Charlie stared at the haunting person in shock.
Her friend pulled her backwards and they both jumped when they bumped into the old grandfather clock.

The clock chimed loudly that it was ten thirteen.
Both girls looked back at the stairs, the figure had disappeared in a glowing mist of green.
Last edited by sleuthchick on Tue Feb 12, 2008 6:29 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Writing is my thang. But you can express yourself in so many different ways.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 47
erm, i am not really sure if this is long enough to be a song.
but the lyrics was ok, i think.
'follow the notes upon a journey,
at first sight marks one's destiny.
when the voyage comes to an end,
return lies within hasty keys.'




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 6235
Reviews 2631
I get the feeling that you haven't quite finished this but what you have so far is nice. Maybe tidy it up a little -

(Lucky)

"Charlie. Why did you talk me in to coming to this spooky old house with you?" [Perhaps a new line here?] Don't roll your eyes at me. What is it that we have to do?
It's pouring rain outside and the floor is creaking under our feet. [This could be smoother and more descriptive. Maybe something like 'The rain lashes at those windows and the floor creeks beneath our feet.']
What do you expect to find? Or better yet expect to meet.

(Charlie)

It's a mystery of age old.
It's a secret that can't be told. [Maybe -

'It's a mystery that's aeons old,
a secret never to be told.']


But I must find out the truth.
We have got to search for clues.

Generally, it's good so far.
Writing Gooder

~Previously KittyKatSparklesExplosion15~

The light shines brightest in the darkest places.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 9022
Reviews 647
Is it a duet? I think you better finish it soon, it reminds me of Scooby-Doo. It looks good so far.
"Maybe Senpai ate Yuka-tan's last bon-bon?"
----Stupei, Ace Defective



All the turtles are related.
— Jack Hanna