Confusion-Clouded Mind

You wake up in familiar surroundings--
the hell hole
of a happiness that never was.
And this space that is called home
doesn’t feel that way.
(It seems more like a cemetery...)
with the stones
in the ground
telling secrets of their own.

*You’ve lost her,
in the confusion,
in the lies and the secrets!
She can't be found,
but she's always there
lurking in your head,
wasting away
in your confusion-clouded mind.*

So many lies, so many secrets!
So long have you been drowning in this ocean!
(confusion)
[2x]

How many days until you drown?
How many times will you
think of running?
Just a few more years
and then you can get out.

*chorus*

No more will this torture
control who you are;
no more will your heart cry out
into empty spaces.
Shadowed by all these
foreign, darkened faces.
No longer does that girl exist,
weak and helpless with humanity.
She was a fairytale untold,
never meant to find her
happy ending

*chorus*

The journey starts with searching your soul
for the girl that used to be
and the girl who is now nevermore

*chorus*

Hmmm. I think you have quite a good flow here and the lyrics are nice if a bit strange but you seriously need to add some punctuation and shorten a few of those lines. Also, I'd take away the last two lines in the brackets because they're unecessary and ending with the chorus works better. I think what I like about this song is that it's written in second person and the flow is actually quite musical but what I don't like is the lack of punctuation and the lack of a memorable chorus. The one you have currently is alright but it's plain and it's not the sort of thing that will stick in your head.

I liked it, reminds of Evanessence. Hopefully that isn't an insult to you, but the idea made me think of her and I hear Amy Lee's voice when I read it.

I would love to hear some music behind this, I think it is very good.