The Grey Cloak

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chazzer
Gender None specified
Points 1164
Reviews 13
Fri Sep 07, 2007 2:58 pm
chazzer says... · Fri Sep 07, 2007 2:58 pm
...Deleted...
Last edited by chazzer on Thu Jan 29, 2009 11:48 pm, edited 2 times in total.




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FlyingDream
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 47
Sat Sep 08, 2007 2:53 am
FlyingDream says... · Sat Sep 08, 2007 2:53 am
YES YES YES. You do not know how long I've been looking for something to read (that's not published work). This is everything I look for in a fantasy novel, it starts off mysterious, and I like mysterious.

The only things I would suggest is that:

1) Leave out the part about the wolf, it doesn't really contribute anything to the story. It IS a good bit of description though. Maybe you can find a way to add it in later?

2) Leave out the part about the bull, and Spanish arena. It takes away from the whole "fantasy" theme; it's too modern.

But otherwise this is fantastic. Keep up the good work! I can't wait to read more.

Cheers!
Raye
To give dignity to a man is above all things.
~ Indian Proverb

2 posts


You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension: a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You’re moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You’ve just crossed over into… the Twilight Zone.
— Rod Serling