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How You Break My Heart (Chapter 1)

chocoholic · 2007-09-05T11:05:18Z

(Four years old) I stood on the third stair from the bottom and watched Daddy put things in a bag. Mummy was sitting on the couch, crying, and Daddy seemed very upset. His face was red and he was clutching a glass bottle, sometimes drinking from it. “What’s going on?” I asked. Daddy turned to me and put the bottle on the bench. He kneeled in front of me and took my hands, tears appearing in his eyes. He wasn’t wearing a suit like he usually did, but instead he was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. His hair was messy and his runners were un-tied. “I’m sorry Princess,” Daddy smiled and hugged me. “I love you so much, and Rosa too. But I have to go.” I scrunched up my face. He said that he loved me and Rosa, but he didn’t say Mummy. And he said he had to go. Why did he have to go if he loved us? “You forgot Mummy,” it must have been a mistake. Of course he loved Mummy. He always said he loved Mummy and Mummy said she loved Daddy. But then why was he going? Daddy shook his head. “I don’t love Mummy anymore.” He kissed me on the forehead and left. Mummy burst into tears as the door slammed shut and we heard the car drive off. And just like that, Daddy left. Rosa came in a little while after Daddy left, the mail in her hands. Mummy was cooking dinner and I was coloring. “Has he gone?” she asked, dumping the mail on the clean table and sitting down, putting her disc man on. She sat there, sorting through the letters one by one. “Bill, bill, bill. Ah, here’s a good one! A cheque- from Dad.” Mummy looked up. “Open it.” Rosa opened the letter and handed the cheque to Mummy, more interested in the letter enclosed. I looked at the envelope. There was no address, the way mummy taught me to put on letters. “It’s for us, Josie,” Rosa said, sitting up straight and turning her disc man off. “He must have put it in the letter box on his way out. Dear Princesses, I’m sorry I have to. I’m truly sorry. In fact, you have no idea how sorry I am. Sweet little Josie, you’re only four, so I don’t expect you to understand what I’m doing or why. Just know that I love you more than anyone else could, and I would give you the earth and the sky if I could. I hope you forgive me for this- I don’t want to hurt you. Hurting you is the last thing I would ever want to do. Rosa. I don’t know what to say. You’re a stubborn little thing, so I don’t expect you to forgive me for leaving. I wish I didn’t have to do, but you would know that I couldn’t stay at home. You’re 14, please look after your mother and sister for me. I really hope you can forgive me. I love you two more than anything in the world. Your loving father, Dad .” Rosa threw the letter on the table. She looked angry. “How could he do that to us?” she exclaimed. “And then write all that crap? He doesn’t care about us at all!” “Shh, Rosa,” Mummy said kindly. “You’re frightening Jose.” Mummy put her soft arms around me and stroked my cheek with a comforting finger. I was crying, bawling, in fact. Mummy was upset, but she smiled at me and took the letter away. Rosa shook her head and stood up, walking over to the kitchen and leaning against the bench. I could see that she was holding back tears. Mummy pulled me onto her lap and stroked my long brown hair, making little plaits in it. I snuggled against her green jumper and closed my eyes. “Mummy, where did Daddy go?” I asked. “Why did he write us a letter?” Mummy shook her head and patted my olive-skinned hand. “It doesn’t matter Josie.” Rosa turned around. She looked scary, her teeth gritted and eyes bulging. “What do you mean, it doesn’t matter?” she shouted. “Don’t cover up the truth for her. Josie, Dad doesn’t love us anymore. He’s going to be with the slut! And he’s never coming back. You might as well just forget about him.” Mummy tightened her grip on me and glared at Rosa. “It’s not true Josie. Daddy loves you, but we’ve been fighting a lot. He’ll come back soon. Don’t put thoughts like that into her head, Rosa.” My older sister snatched the letter from mum and stormed up the stairs. Mummy waited until her door had slammed shut, then burst into howling tears. Her grip on me loosened, and I slipped out of her arms and walked up the stairs. I stood in front of Rosa’s door for a long time, to scared to knock. I could hear her screaming, and crying and throwing things all around. When she finally stopped and I heard the bed sink a little, I worked up the courage to knock. Rosa swung open the door and hugged me tightly. We stood there for minutes, just crying into each others shoulders. Finally, Rosa pulled away and wiped tears away from my face with her thumb, pushing her dark brown hair behind her ear at the same time. “I’m sorry I said those things before,” she whispered softly. “Of course Daddy loves us. Especially you Josie, he really loves you.” I nodded slowly. “So why did you say those things? When’s Daddy getting back?” Rosa sunk to her knees and shook her head slowly. “Jose, Daddy’s not coming back. Not ever.” I opened my mouth, confused. Mummy said he was going to come back. Why would Mummy lie to me? Rosa put her index finger up to my lips and shushed me. I nodded and walked down the stairs again. Mummy was getting up and cooking again. “How’s Rosa, darling?” she asked me. “I’m fine.” We turned around. Rosa was walking down the stairs. She gave mummy a small smile. “Sorry about what I said before. It was out of order.” Mummy sighed and brought the bowls out of the table. We all ate, trying to avoid looking at Daddy’s old seat. I still didn’t understand what was going on, but I didn’t think Daddy was going to come back.

dommy65

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Points 1207

Reviews 86

Thu Jul 03, 2008 5:16 pm

dommy65 says... · Thu Jul 03, 2008 5:16 pm

Hey,

First thing I liked the first half a lot, the second didn't do it for me. I liked the reaction from the older sister but your m.c and the mother didn't seem affected by it all that much... I don't know, maybe I missed something. There were just a couple of capitalization issues but overall there was great grammar.

I'm sure if you work on it it will be amazing!

~domenique

This is our decision, to live fast and die young.
We've got the vision, now let's have some fun.
Yeah, it's overwhelming, but what else can we do,
Get jobs in offices, and wake up for the morning commute?

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olivia1987uk

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Points 1355

Reviews 197

Thu Oct 02, 2008 1:56 pm

olivia1987uk says... · Thu Oct 02, 2008 1:56 pm

As you already have loads of reviews on this, obviously because it is so readable and likeable, so I will just make a breif comment on this particular chapter...I like your characterisation though craved more detail emotionall from the two sisters...It would just add more depth...otherwise though, pretty flawless as far as I'm concerned

I don't agree about the mother and older sister not being affected by it much....surely this is more toprotect the younger child from worrying about their heartache on top of her own....I know thats how family works at least

Olivia
xxx
If you wake up in the morning and all you can think of is writing, then you're a writer...

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The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.
— Alvin Toffler

How You Break My Heart (Chapter 1)

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