Fall Out With Yourself

I just found this on my computer in My Documents and liked it and decided to post it.
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The truth is I may walk away,
But I’ll come back
And I won’t even really go that far,
Just next door to see who else is around
You might be out of sight but not out of mind.

Sad thing is though is that when I come back
You will always be there under number sixes
And course last time you changed
But I was still there, a die hard,
It was just how everyone else walked around you that made me feel lost.

I couldn’t use you just to be on the shelf
I just fell in love with you
For being you and what you did
And you had good friends too that made me smile almost as much as you
Guess what though,
They said something very true about you, whilst you weren’t looking this way

i'm a little confused as too what this poem was about but i liked it.
My favourite line was:
I couldn’t use you just to be on the shelf
I just fell in love with you
add a little more because it doesn't seem like its finished.
Happy writing!
Charlotte

I agree with Charlotte, I wasn't too sure about what was going on... But I have to say, it drew me in.

It seemed quite passionate in some places, and I liked that. although I found the first verse rather hard going.

Good though, and with some improvement it could be great! =]

This is a good poem. I would, however, change the line that relates to the out of sight saying though because as I was reading I felt how original this poem is and that line sort of interrupts the flow of this originality (though it's still an awesome poem). I think that his poem of yours is one of those that is pretty open to interpretation for people who read it.
It just has the feel that you were writing it to express an abstract idea that you got something out off but that others could take something different from.

-Save-Ferris-,


Okay. And...?


Best,
Brad

I don't get it. *blissfully unaware*





O.o seriously. What goes on here?

interesting...something about a breakup, but for the most part i dont get it sorry. it tells a story, right okay

This poem doesn't work because it doesn't have a conclusion. What did you intend to say?

Save Ferris, you're leaving us all confused..

Thank you for all the great reviews xD

But I am going to continue to leave you all feeling lost.