Mystic

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“Now, my children, you must open your minds to the other side. Let the spirits enter! Cast out thy thoughts and take in the spirits of the past!’’ Mystic May held a bony finger to her head. The lenses in her thick-rimmed glasses steamed up and she winced in pain.
“Aaaw! The spirits have entered me, my children, you must heed their call.’’
Mystic May rested her head in her hands and whispered enchantments under her breath. The crowd around her gasped as the table began to shake and the doors slammed repeatedly. May pressed her palms to the table and signalled to the others to copy her.
“Mortals of the shady realm, sinners, cheaters, you have been warned. A mist will arise from oblivion and suffer those who suffer others.
A chosen one of the elite will come to rid the world of its shady mortals. In the same age, another will come to conquer the elite, a battle between two worlds will commence. The brave shall fight and the cowards shall run; you must choose your side…’’
May collapsed across the table. A foul smell blew into the darkened chamber. May’s assistant ushered the crowd out of the room, while collecting gold in a small satchel. She waited until the customers had left, then tapped May on the shoulder.
May didn’t answer.
“May? May, the people have left. You can stop acting now…’’
She still lay on the table, silent and unmoving. The assistant snatched a bottle of herbs from the shelf and held it underneath May’s nose. But she still lay unconscious. She seemed to be in some kind of trance. This was extraordinary, because May was a fake mystic.
She had never made a real prediction in her life.

Any ideas for this character?
I might change this into a comedy where all her predictions are wrong.




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I like it. I won't point out your spacing, punctuation and grammar problems because you said it was just a character sketch. She sounds like she could be a very brilliant unique character.

Are you thinking that she's a fake mystic, then discovers that there really are real mystics, thinks she can become one, and then fails? That would be a funny plot.

Umm...the character herself - hard to see anything about her feelings or anything in this short little clip, but as I said, she could be a brilliant character. She's already intriguing. I'd be interested to see what kind of a plot you stick her into.

All the best.

~Madame Kool 8)
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
~Albert Einstein




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Some physical description of the character and scenery would be nice and would help reveal a lot about May but what you have implies that she would make a very interesting character. I love the idea of having all her predictions fail but perhaps one, her first, should come true so that people believe all the ones she makes afterwards.

Also, I think you should make her a touch more dramatic. In fact, have what she says during her vision in a completely different tone of voice to what she says before. That's what a person pretending to be a 'mystic' would probably do and it would add to the character.

Hope some of this helps!
Writing Gooder

~Previously KittyKatSparklesExplosion15~

The light shines brightest in the darkest places.




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Rather than turning this into a comedy I think you should turn her into a character who is trying to con the people she has been working with for some selfish or not so selfish reason. Perhaps there is a way to make money of off it, or perhaps someone in the group has made her angry and now she is going for revenge. Overall I think she is a cool character but I would recommend that you make sure to remember to show her emotion and to develop her consistently (unless there is a reason to do otherwise). I always have trouble with that part as do many others, apparently.




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Mystic May reminds me of Prof.Trelawney.

Okay, turning it to a comedy would be better.And that will be funny.

A chosen one of the elite will come to rid the world of its shady mortals. In the same age, another will come to conquer the elite, a battle between two worlds will commence. The brave shall fight and the cowards shall run; you must choose your side…’’

You forgot the er..." this thing, whatever it is called at the beginning.And you could have joined this dialogue and the dialogue above.

Well, you could have described the characters a little more.

Other than that it is good. :D
Warden: "If you want to lead, all you have to do is ask."
Alistair: "What? Lead? Me? No, no, no. No leading. Bad things happen when I lead. We get lost, people die, and the next thing you know I'm stranded somewhere without any pants."
- Dragon Age

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