My Personal Statement

Who hasn't had to write at least one of these? This one is currently a rather rough draft but what do you think so far?

My Personal Statement.

As of yet, I am still unsure of my final destination. Having immensely enjoyed both Law and English Literature at college, I would love to take a combined degree for these subjects but unfortunately, very few universities offer this facility.

My passion for English Literature extends from a childhood of reading and writing. My favourite book is currently 'The Pact' by Jodi Picoult and my recent written work includes a novel, co-written with my sister, and a poem entitled 'Sunset.'

Law is a more recent undertaking but after a year of study, I have come to love the subject. I am well suited to a law degree because I am logically minded – as shown by my results in maths – and I enjoy such strategy games as online risk and the German game 'Genial.' I feel that contract law will prepare me well for a degree in law because it's arguably the hardest aspect of the legal system. (Just for the record, taking contract was not really my choice. I was on a school trip when choices were made so my two teachers informed me on my own when I returned and double teamed me, convincing me that contract was a good idea and rushing me to a decision but now I'm not so sure.Oh and this part will certainly be deleted before I hand it in.)

Throughout my time at school, I have taken part in a large variety of activities, including drama productions, school concerts and writing articles for the school paper. I have also been a member of a netball team and helped organise an after school drama club. All of this shows that I am enthusiastic, organised and helpful. The fact that I was a prefect last year helps to emphasise this.

Outside of school, I have been a member of a band, I have run in an annual race that raises money for breast cancer twice, I have taken part in the great Selby bike ride twice, I have been in various drama productions, I am a member of a Rangers group and have been a guide, I went to Gym and swimming club when I was younger, I have climbed Ben Nevis, I have been on a school organised skiing trip to Italy, I have put together an anthology of my own poems and stories and I have experimented with other clubs such as judo. I believe that all of this makes me a good candidate for your university because it shows that I'm determined to live a full and active life. I will see university through to the end and then move on to a career in law and writing.

This was very good, Heather! I really enjoyed reading it...you have an interesting life.

I really don't have any critiques, besides...er...deleting that little part in parenthesis. But you knew that already.

What is Ben Navis?

Anyway, I think you painted yourself in a very good light, and showed them that you were a good candidate without seeming to push yourself on them too much.

One thing...do you think it would make any difference to them - you starting with 'I am uncertain' ? It seems like they would like you to be certain before you went into the university, right? But I don't know what they're looking for, so I could be wrong.

I will see university through to the end and then move onto a career in law and writing.

onto = on to

Good job!

Au revoir,
~Madame Kool

Thanks for the critique sokool and I'm glad you liked it. Ben Nevis is basically a mountain. Well, the biggest mountain in the UK to be exact and a bit of a nightmare to climb because it's rather steep towards the top but then, most mountains are. Lol. If you ever have a spare day and you find yourself in Scotland, it's worth it just for the awesome view and if you climb it in the winter, you can risk sliding down a certain frozen waterfall but watch out for the cliff. It's near the sign that says 'stay on the path.'

And yeah, I'm not sure that I started it in the best way but they'll know I'm uncertain anyway because they can see what other universities I've applied to and what for and at least one application is going to be for an English Literature or Creative Writing course. Perhaps I'll change it anyway though. I still have a month or so to work on this....

And thanks again =)

Very interesting, largely good writing here. Law, huh? Very nice. I briefly considered going in to law, then realized I'm too much of a softie for the profession. Going to have to stick to teaching, 'm afraid.

I am hard pressed to offer many suggestions, except perhaps for these two.

I'd avoid putting anything in parenthesis in a piece like this. It breaks formality, which can be good in many kinds of writing, but not this one, where you're trying to be professional and impressive. You noted you would be deleting that section: I second the motion. Highlight it, press backspace, and never look back.

Then there's the last paragraph. I mean, there's nothing wrong with it. But it's essentially a laundry list, and as you've probably gathered from some of my comments elsewhere, I utterly despise laundry lists. They're boring. No one is impressed by them. The only time you should ever use a laundry list is if it's exceedingly creative in form, or especially satirical. I would recommend looking for a way to convey this information in a less blase form.

Otherwise, the content and linguistic aspects are on par.

You need to extend this, if I take out the part in bracktes, which you say you aren't going to include, it comes to just over 2,000 characters, remember you have 4,000, so it might better to write a little too much and then trim down on it later.

Do you have any work experiece related to law? 'Cause that would look really good.

My passion for English Literature extends from a childhood of reading and writing.

Take out the word passion, universites really hate that, it's a word used far too much in a lot of applications, and from what I've been told be my friend's mother (she's a careers advisor at a school, and does thier UCAS too, my college sucks so I do everything with her), it never sits too well with them, so yeah, it's worth replacing.

You don't seem to say much about why Law interests you, you mention that you've done it and that you've liked it, and that you like stratergy games, but if you could elaborate moreon why you want to do the course it might help. Draw from personal experiences to help, even if your parents or family have had an influence, it's still worth mentioning, I know I'm rambling about my father's work in my own statement XD

Well, seeing as you posted this a month ago I guess there's a great chance that you've already had this looked over and corrected by someone at your college

Hm, not sure if you still need help with this or not, but....

As of yet, I am still unsure of my final destination. Having immensely enjoyed both Law and English Literature at college, I would love to take a combined degree for these subjects but unfortunately, very few universities offer this facility.

I just think you should change this. I don't think they would be so impressed by uncertainty - even if it's the truth! I would just say make them think this is what you really want to do. If you don't know what your "final destination" is going to be, concentrate on other aspects, such as how much you enjoy your course, how it could equip you in the future etc.

And about the second sentence, there weren't many unis offering my course either, but mentioning it might just make it look like the only reason you want to go to the unis you've chosen is because those are the only ones doing the course, rather than because of how good you think they are. I'm not saying that's a bad reason... it's just that I don't feel it's something you should mention.

Scribe - Thanks for the help! You're right about the second part and I've already started extending and cutting but it's going to be a few more days before I have a final draft and I have so many other things I want to include but my words are rather limited and I'm going to have to start deciding what's really necessary and what isn't.

Little Tin Fish - You get 4000 characters? We have 3000 so I do have a little more space but it's still really hard to decide what I want to include and I need to add some in about my volunteering work and such before I'm done. Thanks for the tip concerning passion, I can certainly replace that word and you're right, I haven't mentioned why I want to do a course in law because I'm still a touch unsure. At the moment I can only think of the wrong reasons - well payed career and such - which wouldn't impress a university. I'll see what I can do though and thanks very much for your help!

KayJuran - I know what you mean and I'll do some rephrasing but I want to be honest with them. I'm applying for two different courses at different universities so they can see my uncertainty even if I don't mention it but you make some very valid points and I do need to look at those sections again. Thanks for pointing that out =)

I didn't see anything wrong with this - 'tis very good! You're going to use this in real life? Hope it goes well.

Thanks Twit!

And here's the re-write. Draft number two...

My Personal Statement.

Having immensely enjoyed both Law and English Literature at college, I would prefer to take a combined degree in these subjects at university. Unfortunately, few universities offer this facility and therefore, I have decided to apply for the combined degree at one university and for a degree in Law at the others. I reached this decision on the basis that I intend to pursue a career in Law.

My interest in English Literature extends from a childhood of reading and writing. My favourite book is currently 'The Pact' by Jodi Picoult and my recent written work includes a novel, co-written with my sister, and a poem entitled 'My House of Cards,' both of which can be found in the anthologies I have created in order to keep track of all my writing. Over the last few years, I have had several poems and short stories published in anthologies and am currently an active member of various on-line writing sites, which include 'The Young Writer's Society' where I give and receive critiques on pieces of work. This is beneficial in that, not only does it help me to improve my writing abilities, but it also allows me to interact with people who have similar interests and ambitions.

Law is a more recent undertaking but after a year of study, I have developed an interest in the subject. I am well suited to a Law degree because I am logically minded – as shown by my results in Maths – and I enjoy such strategy games as Mission Risk and the German game 'Einfach Genial.' I feel that contract law will prepare me well for a degree in law because it is arguably the most difficult aspect of the legal system. I am particularly interested in the process of creating legal documents such as wills and think I would make a good Solicitor because I have an excellent memory and good communication skills.

Throughout my time at school and college, I have taken part in a large variety of activities, including drama productions, school concerts and writing articles for the school paper. I did apply to be a member of the York College Student Press but due to a lack of interest, the group was disbanded and no articles were published. However, I have decided that I would like to run my own Student Paper and with the help of my friend Jessica, I hope to be able to put this into practise within the next month and have the first edition out before Christmas. I believe I have the skills required to do this because I helped to organise an after-school drama club during my years at High School. All of the above shows that I am enthusiastic, ambitious and helpful. My role as a prefect in Secondary School further emphasises these qualities.

Outside of school I have participated in many activities including the annual Great Selby bike ride and a local race organised to raise money for breast cancer. I think that one of my greatest achievements is my successful adventure to the top of Ben Nevis and while it was a challenging expedition, I thoroughly enjoyed it and it allowed me to spend a day away from the rules and restraints of society and to see the world from a different perspective. I am also a member of a Rangers group and was a Guide in the past. Last year, I went on a trip to Italy, organised by my college, and learned how to ski which was an amazing experience and one which I will be repeating at the beginning of next year. I believe that all of this makes me a good candidate for your university because it shows that I am determined to live a full and active life.

Character Count - 3552

This is good. You have a very interesting life, I wouldn't mind living it.

I want to do law too, though I have a few years still before university. Let me know how it turns out, huh? I hope you get in to the uni that you want to!

You're only applying for one course involving English, yes? Switch the positions of the paragraph about Law, and the one about English, so that they're all going to be reading something more relevant first, if that makes sense.

various on-line writing sites,

Ditch the hypen, I do it too, but it doesn't need to be there, apparently.

I did apply to be a member of the York College Student Press but due to a lack of interest, the group was disbanded and no articles were published.

I'm not sure about that part... Can we mention things we were planning to do but never came to fruit? You might want to check it out, I don't know but something tells me otherwise.

You use the 'I believe [that this] shows' type structure a lot, and if I can pick up on it though the first read through, Uni's will too, so you might want to throw in some varietion there.

Also, there were a few sentences that needed shifting around a bit with commas and the like, but overall I think this one is much better than the first, and you still have over 400 words to play with, so make sure that you use them

EDIT: Also, (you're probably being nagged about this by you college/sixth form, I know I am), do try to get some work experience in a law firm, or law type enviroment, even if it's only voluntary, if you can get something about it down on your statement before it gets sent off, it's really good, but you'd need to do so really soon, to get your submission in early, and so there's the chance of somewhere willing to take you one. I guess with law it's problematic because of client confidentiality, but I'm sure you'd be able to find something.

Oh man, I sound just like my UCAS tutor T_T

I really like this, It was great

And another draft. I think this one is much better and I have about another week before we're sending off so all critiques will be greatly appreciated -

My Personal Statement.

After just over a year of studying Law, I have developed a strong interest in the subject and hope to pursue a career as a solicitor. I am intrigued by the many complications that arise in what appear to be simple cases and wish to further increase my knowledge of the legal system by taking a degree in Law. I would be well suited to this because I am logically minded – as shown by my results in Maths – and enjoy studying and debating controversial topics such as euthanasia and immigration that have a great impact on modern society. These skills are transferable to a degree in Law because when debating, both sides of the argument must be considered and there is a need for a final judgement to be reached. It has also allowed me to further develop my confidence and speaking skills – I am always willing to share my views with a group of people.

The choice to study Contract Law in my second year of college was made based on a desire to expand upon my knowledge of cases and how a contract is formed. I am particularly interested in the process of creating legal documents such as wills and think I would make a good Solicitor because I have an excellent memory and good communication skills. It is very important for a lawyer to be concise and precise when writing about or referring to points of Law and I believe I have the ability to do this. I have applied for a work experience placement during the February half term and hope that this will help me to decide which modules I would like to study and enhance and practice the Law skills I have been developing throughout college.

Throughout my time at school and college, I have taken part in a large variety of activities, including drama productions, school concerts and writing articles for the school paper. This shows that I am enthusiastic and helpful. My roles, in Secondary School, as a prefect and an important, leading member of the Drama Club further emphasise these qualities. Currently, I am a Volunteer and have already accumulated more than thirty hours towards the Millennium Volunteers Award.

Outside of school I have participated in many activities including the annual Great Selby Bike Ride and a local race organised to raise money for breast cancer. I think that one of my greatest achievements is my successful adventure to the top of Ben Nevis and while it was a challenging expedition, I thoroughly enjoyed it and it allowed me to spend a day away from the rules and restraints of society and to see the world from a different perspective. I am also a member of a Rangers group and was a Guide in the past. Last year, I went on a trip to Italy, organised by my college, and learned how to ski which was an amazing experience and one which I will be repeating at the beginning of next year.

I also spend much of my free time reading and writing. My favourite book is currently 'The Pact' by Jodi Picoult and my recent written work includes a novel, co-written with my sister, and a poem entitled 'My House of Cards,' both of which can be found in the anthologies I have created in order to keep track of all my writing. Over the last few years, I have had several poems and short stories published in anthologies and am currently an active member of various on-line writing sites, which include 'The Young Writer's Society' where I give and receive critiques on pieces of work. This is beneficial in that, not only does it help me to improve my writing abilities, but it also allows me to interact with people who have similar interests and ambitions.

I believe that all of this makes me a good candidate for your university because it shows that I am determined to live a full and active life.

Character Count – 3756 (With spaces.)

This is very good! Much better than the other drafts, the only thing that I'm not too sure about is the last sentence, it feels quite a strange tone to end on. You could also mention the course, and that you'd contribute towards it.

Well, good luck!