firstly, congratulations on this neat array of readers and critiquers. you have something in that poem that reall strikes deep. as for originality issues i think it was quite a bit different previously as i read kitty15's comment and through your revision you seem to have made it........what's the word...........stereotypical, maybe? well, i think thats the great thing about poetry. it's often so human that all the best poems on a subject seem to run along a well beaten road. sounds real depressing to think that you cant be unique but humans are more similar than they think (excluding me, of course).
but most of all i decided to post because you did a great job revising and polishing this baby. it looks like a butterfly out of a coccoon. it was a pleasure reading it and i'll look out for more.........................oh, and you should dance in the rain once in a while not just listen to it. that might be a unique experience to write about.
