Before you read any of this, I'd like you to consider reading the attached file first. It's the poem in it's complete original format.
I've think I've given people the wrong idea about this poem. It isn't about the drugs or anything. Those are just elements of the story. Drugs should not affect what you think of the story.
[pre]Knights of Acid
By Fry
This novel is written from the mind. Here’s where it all began.
Sitting in my chair as I began to write let me tell you how it all began.
Sitting rolling this cigarette, I’ll tell you how it got going.
I take the lid off the tobacco tub.
It’s the same I’ve had since Zach left.
I take off the lid.
I look up at a camera.
Facing you.
Imagine my face
L o o k in g at you.
My pupils keep changing size, the whites of my eyes are marbled with red veins.
I looked at them in the mirror a few minutes or days, I’m not sure anymore, ago
They kept changing size, but I saw myself in them. It was peace.
The night began
i got some boomer around 10:30 pm last night
i took it at 1 am
then i smoked a cigarrette and some tree. then another boom.
then after a walk
half a boom
then i
w
w
e
e
n
t
t
w
w
a
y
d
o
o
ww
n
t
h
e
r
a
b
b
i
t
hole.
I’ve been having tea party’s since.
Fdhfsdghgfdhfdghn
Ag
WGW G’WE
RH;ER’T’HER;J’TYKJ
YTR’
K’
67’85
I’
67’I
‘
5N’M8’
67P987P
89O5
EUBH
ERSG
D
W
WQE
R
Wqer
W
Etr
34wey
345
y3
4yu
6yu
56u
54u
4567i
u67
i
67i
567i
5678
i
!@#$%%$^$&&&^^^^{}___{}===++++[]+[]+[]=+[+]{=]+-)(*
45634567548745
I’ve been right about it all.
Maybe you’re right.
No.
They fly here.
And they pass here
Here too
I have to smoke a cigarette before I type anything else.
Let me roll this one up. Hold on.
I rolled it with all my concentration on it.
The paper rolling around in my hand.
Hands filled with anticipation for this story.
They jitter at everything that isn’t the cigarette
My hands get out of control
I gain control
I concentrate
Only the cigarette I’m creating exists minutes are passing over here too.
Done.
I have to go smoke it before this story.
I’m back from smoking.
One of the most enlightening experiences of my life.
Looking down and out my window upon bushes,flowers, bugs, trees, entire tiny cities made of Lygorfssergi-acecbinid-dielilofthoyalamonomtites
Entire cities under me. Flowing back and worth with a slight cool breeze. Daylight reaching out for it’s first grasp of the human mind. I realized something as I was smoking that cigarette
I thought it was about to be perfect because I was about to see a bird.
Just as I looked up
The bird flew away. It was a mind blowing experience.
I don’t know whether to hold my life secret in that metaphor or tell it to all.
We’ll see what happens.
I’ve been trying to figure out how to get this damn thing to quiot skippiung a space each time I press enter!!
I just want it go down beneath what im writing now…
But it wont
Maybe I save and then exit then open
It will work
It didn’t.hghj shit
Copy paste into a new document
That should do it
Then I’ll begin the story.
IT WORKED
SUCCESS!
CHAPTER ONE:
Bicycle Day
It was 1 am when I took my first boom.
Sitting in a jeep.
Talking to my brother randy.
Bicycle Day
The psychedelic effects of LSD were unknown for the next five years. Dr. Hofmann writes in LSD: My Problem Child that a "peculiar presentiment" prompted him to revisit LSD-25. While re-synthesizing the compound for further study, he became dizzy and was forced to stop work:
Bicycle Day
The psychedelic effects of LSD were unknown for the next five years. Dr. Hofmann writes in LSD: My Problem Child that a "peculiar presentiment" prompted him to revisit LSD-25. While re-synthesizing the compound for further study, he became dizzy and was forced to stop work:
Bicycle Day
The psychedelic effects of LSD were unknown for the next five years. Dr. Hofmann writes in LSD: My Problem Child that a "peculiar presentiment" prompted him to revisit LSD-25. While re-synthesizing the compound for further study, he became dizzy and was forced to stop work: (taken from wikipedia)
Dddddddooooowwwwwwwwwwnnnnn the hole you go.
Dripping down
Drip drip
D
R
R
I
P
Dr
Roooo
Ppppping
Al
L
Down the way
The
Th
H
H
E
hole.
sitting the jeep with randy. everything became real. cars passed down on Mass. Ave. driving by lights starting to make me feel good.
smoking that cigarette with randy.
talking about life
life
and what life is
how it is
on that boom.
starting that boom.
no…no. I wasn’t smoking a cigarette. not then.
I was sitting listening to music
no cigarette
“After this we should smoke some vitamin b-6 to make us feel real good” that comes from Randy.
this is a song:
vitamin-b6 makes you feel good
whenever you good
whenever you bad
the b6 has all that you need
to get you up
she’ll calm you down
if youre feeling quite the frown
she’s got what you want
if getting’ that taunt
vitamin-b6 makes you feel good
whenever you good
whenever you bad
the b6 has all that you need
to get you up
sitting around in that town
she’ll pick you up
make you feel good
right up in that crown
sittin’ down getting a frown
b6 is getting lonely
needs a friend
grab a tab of a tiny city
takes away all your pity
makes you one with all
one with it all
but you aren’t that tall
take the next tiny city
and you’ll get Ttttttttttttaallll
end that song.
where was i?
oh right, randy had given the idea to smoke some up then take the second boom.
we got out of the jeep with our backpack full of water, a first aid kit, tobacco, vitamin b6, more booms, and a nice ass bowl named Messiah (for it has been my own messiah many times when I’m down in the fiends).
Randy and I walked up the street to Little Flower School.
The place of our youth.
A prison of our youth.
Looking back, I think we were drawn to it.
That school is where we spent our young lives.
Now coming back there to smoke?
and do more booms?
There must be a connection.
Anyways, we got up there.
I rolled up a cigarette and randy pulled out an American Spirit.
Randy too had bought rolling tobacco earlier that day.
But chose to smoke out of the pack.
I rolled up a cigarette and randy pulled out an American Spirit.
Casey Jones better watch that speed.
smoking
smoking
smoking
the cigarettes
waiting for that next
(in real time it is now 9:25 AM everyday at this time an alarm goes off. the alarm informs me that it’s ‘I love josie day’ in 5 minutes. I never get rid of this alarm. josie made it for only one day, but it keeps coming back through some glitch in my crapass phone, but I never get rid of the alarm or even fool with it)
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
an explosion of everything has happened with that second boom.
CHAPTER THREE:
My Little Downfall
Minutes, seconds even, after that Josie called.
At this point of the night, I was only feeling good.
I hadn’t started to hallucinate yet.
it was while I was on the phone with her when that happened.
She sounded upset
about what?
it was about something I had done…
shit…
I knew this night was going to be a long night.
it was too late to go back.
I took that second boom and had gone well on my path through the forest to Cheshire cat and mad hatter.
I talked to josie about the matter of me
it was serious
I was a true asshole to her
I had treated her like shit
if anyone in the world deserves everything good in the world
it’s josie
she’s everything to me.
without her, really, there is no me.
there is no me without her
fb
josie and I mesh into one
we fit perfect.
bf
she’s genionly upset, I’m a complete ass.
I’m away from randy now…I can talk to my wife in peace.
I’ve made her promises…so many promises….the most important ones are the ones I fail to keep. I didn’t have sex with anyone else. No one else. I did something else.
Maybe someone else will know…maybe.
who know’s
it’s a secret.
To stay between josie and I and someone else.
I wont be the person to tell someone else.
josie will be.
I know who’ll be the one who gets to know.
im away from randy now
down by the old 4th grade stomping grades.
the same place I’d come during recess to reflect upon nature.
even in 4th grade, I’d do that stuff.
I’d notice how green the world was.
but I didn’t do the green in 4th grade.
not back then
that wasn’t until 9th grade.
9th grade was the beginning of true life.
9th grade is when I showed my true self.
Josie was really upset. I don’t see why I didn’t kill myself right then and there
it was probably Josie who kept me from doing that.
I was trying to tell Josie something so hard.
I could hardly word it.
she didn’t understand what I was attempting to say
“what did I do to deserve this, fry?”
oh, crap, she even said my name. that’s when it hurt the most. after she said my name.
your name is a very very valuable thing.
whether it be your nickname, the name you met your significant other under, your true name, a random name.
your name carries a lot more information then you think.
it holds all your dirty secrets.
it holds all the things people know about
and the things they don’t
it’s the things they don’t know about you that make you creep.
no, I’m not talking about the sadistic shit or anything murderous or anything like that
im talking about things you only know about yourself
things that only make sense to you
so each time someone says your name, and they MEAN
they really have to mean your name when they say it for it to take full effect
if someone says your name in a fit of emotion
it can make you feel so many different ways.
because of all the things your name knows you and only you know about yourself.
(Jesus christ, you have to be on some drugs to make sense of all this)
anyways,
the way josie said my name
it made me feel like complete shit
and it happened just when I went all the way up, down, in, out, around, inside, outside, throughout, with, by, together, beside, on top of, below, above,
and I was
l
o
o
k
i
n and I was looking down from
g and I was looking up from
d
o
w
n
but that rabbit was no where to be found.
f
r
o
m inside of that rabbit (with no rabbit) hole.
I had preached what mankind calls sanity and entered a new level.
a level of hell.
complete and utter hell because of how and when josie had said my name.
Shadows began to reach out for me.
I had to talk to Josie.
I had to stay still, so I wouldn’t bother the shadows in their land.
The trees, shadows, the creek, the bugs, even the fucking nocturnal animals were after me. Foxes were eyeing me. I was sure of it. randy and I had seen one earlier. a shadow of one at least. they wanted me.
I had stay completely still.
talking to josie
listening to her cry
as hell was
reaching up to grab me
not the fire and flames hell
hell of the heart.
hell of the mind.
trees kept growing and swaying
I was feeling nauseous at what I had down
I hadn’t done it for awhile
but it still made me feel sick
and it was time it was too
it was time to let it out
I did something terrible behind josie’s back
and I had to admit to it, so I did. I lied about it at first
but I admitted to it eventually
“you’re admitting it to me because I have so much evidence against you” that comes from josie.
evidence?
I’m facing the hells of the forest and standing completely still in the middle of it all.
and i to admit to her about what I did
and then she brings up evidence about it?
why would evidence matter if I had admitted to doing it?
I figured it out now
she was talking to me while the foxes were sitting in the dark with their glowing eyes, and the trees were reaching out to grab me and the stream was babbling against me, babbling bad things about me telling me how bad of a person I am.
she was talking while that was happening and I overheard her conversation with me while foxes were sitting in the brush staring ta me with cold glowing eyes, trees were trying to rip me apart, the stream was babbling how terrible I am.
I had overheard her phonecall with me.
she had told me of the evidence first.
I had no choice but to admit to doing the thing I did.
but I thought I was telling her the truth when she had no evidence.
I hadn’t
shit.
I cant write anything for awhile now.
that thought makes me feel like shit.
that I thought I was doing something self-righteous and outgoing…I thought I was telling her the truth without her having any evidence. I thought it was as if I had just admitted doing it because the hells of the forest were driving me literally insane. (if you think im writing insane now, you should have been me when I was literally insane)
shit. I need to stop writing for awhile, but I wont leave my room. I’ll stay here. it’s safe. I’ll roll a cigarette and smoke it out the window. that will calm me down.
josie, I’m so sorry.
I’m so so so sorry.
my punishment for myself is this.
it is this writing. I can’t leave my room till it’s done. this is fucking hell with Grateful Dead playing for irony. I need a cigarette. nice and skinny with a lump.
More punishment, I have to live with the guilt of doing what I did without ever telling anyone except josie.
I want to tell everyone.
but I wont.
don’t even ask me about it.
don’t ask her either.
don’t bother her about it. please with all my heart and soul, don’t ask her anything or even mention this part of the writing to her josie. she’s had enough of it as it is. she’s had enough of so much bullshit. she deserves so much better.
thank you josie for staying with me. I didn’t have sex with someone else, but I fucked up big. thank you josie for keeping me alive. I did that thing to what seems to me at the moment months ago, but actually was only about a month ago…maybe…it was june. I know that. it was june. now it’s august. june…so long ago. I made a promise to you after I did that thing. It was after the whole Lindsey bullshit too. I made a promise to you, that I have kept and upon my life I keep it now and forever.
Josie in this story…this crazy hell of mine. I realize you are my wife.
I cant leave this room except to pee and venture into the bathroom mirror.
I cant look in the mirror for too long, its like staring at the sun. you’ll venture too deep inside your conscience if you do it too long. you end up seeing through yourself. and realize what makes you….you.
for me
I look in the mirror and I see Josie
I see her in my face, in the reflection in darkness of my ever expanding contracting expanding contracting eye.
don’t look for too long.
I’d go insane with pure knowledge of myself.
I have to stay sane
for josie
she needs me
I made her feel terrible
I have to stay sane for her.
I was telling a story....was it….Knights of Acid? I’m sure it was.
I was on chapter…three? maybe two?
I wrote three….i think…
did I ever have a chapter two?
I’m not sure….
I’ll get back to it though.
Randy had come over to me as I was talking to josie.
when randy came everything came clear.
tiny cities were in my mouth…that’s all.
a boom and a boom were in my mouth.
randy was near
I told him
“this might be awhile”
I look at the time…it had already been quite the while…shit I left randy all alone….but he knows something important is happening…he’ll understand.
he walks away
the hell comes back
I desperately try to grasp for words to explain things to josie.
I try, but everything comes out screwed up…
like I know what im saying…
but she doesn’t.
oh fuck….here I go again
DDDOOOWWWNNNNNNNNWWWOOODDD
three of each letter…that looks right…just three of each. three d’s three o’s three w’s…but I need four n’s….and now I reverse it all.
trying to reverse it is driving me insane. I’ve already almost completed the reversal…but I backspaced it all….i have to start over. this is like that thing that happened to Hercules.
I’ve re-done everything up the the first o on the reversal now….but the fonts stop making sense…so I have to copy and past now…letter by letter.
shit…have I already done three o’s? I think I have. should I do more? no
I have to complete the reverse….
what you see at the top of this page is complete and udder (utter?) torture.
to complete the reversal…I’d have to change the print layout….which would cause my whole writing to become irrelevant.
I cant change the print setting so that the reversal on the word down can be complete.
if I did that….this whole thing wouldn’t make sense.
so much of it depends on placement.
that is why that is another personal hell.
I get off the phone with josie. I run
run
run
run
run
runru
rnrurnr
runru
rnrunr
rurnrun
runru
nrurnr
urnrumn
ryubnr
rurnerkjlh
rurn
rurn
runr
urn
runr
urn
urn
urn’
runr
urn
run
runr
urn
runr
run
runr
urun
runr
run
runr
runrjmej
ryurnr
runr
ryun
ryunr
run
rurnr
‘urrun
runr
runr
run away from it all.
back to randy.
i’m not sure if I had one of these already or not….but to hell with it. I’ve faced worst enemies and survived.
CHAPTER TWO:
The mother fucking journey.
shit shit shit shit
im in trouble.
I need to smoke a cigarette right now.
but my neighbor, an old really nice asian dude, is out in his lawn. so I cant smoke out my window…I could…however…go into my attic….turn on the air filter and smoke…I’ll do that …be back in 20 minutes. shit no.
that’s a bad idea. my parents would smell that shit. no matter what I tried. I already rolled the cigarette…I’ll keep it… I’ll attactch it to this hell. right here
how the hell did I do that arrow.
randy
randy….
he was right next to me
while I was gone he had packed the bowl that we had originally gone to Little Flower to smoke at the bench there.
goddam, I was fucking insane for awhile there.
I picked up the bowl and took out my lighter.
“everything alright?” randy said it, not me.
someone else is near me now. I’m alright.
someone who I have way too much in common with.
but I love all in the same.
randy.
he was there.
my brother, randy.
“everything is alright”
I only say it because im with randy.
he made it alright.
just by him asking that one “everything alright?”
it was the way he said it
that uplifted me out of the hell. back into earth.
I took a hit of that bowl filled some high quality b-6.
I was out of this earth and into a whole new kind of paradise.
with randy.
my eternal brother
who
at this very moment
is writing something similar to this…
working on his own story..
or just friggin sleeping
actually I cant imagine anyone sleeping while these booms on are in you.
so not sleeping
either writing…or he’s….just listening to music? playing a video game? a movie? maybe wandering and pondering his own thoughts….
what is he doing?
shit. I wish I could find out
but im not allowed out till this is done.
okay
randy made it all better for me
after that bowl hit.
I passed it to him.
he took it. smoked it.
that wonderful b6.
that Vitamin B-6.
After he took his, I told him, “I have to go see josie”
It’s what would make her really happy.
to see my suffering.
my great
suffering.
she needed to see it.
I needed her
anything to see her
anything for her.
this is where the fucking journey is.
randy knows I had to go see her face.
and she needed to see mine.
it was 1:45 in the morning and we were having tea parties all the time.
we walk back together.
to the jeep.
a realization has come to me. and I’m going back to the first chapter for awhile.
before randy and I ever went to little flower…
we went to Glecho. a place of unknown kadeth. a place of hell.
If my words did glow with the gold of sunshine
And my tunes were played on the harp unstrung,
Would you hear my voice come thru the music,
Would you hold it near as it were your own?
Its a hand-me-down, the thoughts are broken,
Perhaps theyre better left unsung.
I dont know, dont really care
Let there be songs to fill the air.
Ripple in still water,
When there is no pebble tossed,
Nor wind to blow.
Reach out your hand if your cup be empty,
If your cup is full may it be again,
Let it be known there is a fountain,
That was not made by the hands of men.
There is a road, no simple highway,
Between the dawn and the dark of night,
And if you go no one may follow,
That path is for your steps alone.
Ripple in still water,
When there is no pebble tossed,
Nor wind to blow.
But if you fall you fall alone,
If you should stand then whos to guide you?
If I knew the way I would take you home.
Grateful Dead - Ripple
this is the music I enjoy so much but I am much tortured by.
it’s irony.
the place of hell…glecho…and this music…this room I’m in. that I’ve been stuck in.
it all melds.
we went to glecho to use the 7-11…..we needed food for some reason.
lord knows why. NO. not food. we needed cigarettes. randy did. he couldn’t roll his own. or well…he did…but threw it out from what I remember.
“I’d rather smoke a normal one”
this was when only on one boom each. we got to the 7-11 in a jeep wrangler. all black. rocks are in the passenger side floor. trash in the back. mostly cups and cans. empty cigarette boxes stuffed in the side compartments.
we go to 7-11
rnady goes in
I stay in the car.
I turn off the music and go in after randy
i couldn’t stand being alone in that place.
alone in glecho too long and something bad happens.
I went inside after randy
he had already grabbed two chocotacos one for him and one for me.
strange strange people were in that place
hippie like people
old style hippie like
a whole group of them
right inside the 7-11
I think one of the hippie’s was Suzy Siebert….a friend…out of fear I didn’t say hi.
I went back outside while randy paid. I went around to back of the building
to where the brush and grass is
I unzip my pants and let it all go.
freedom is nice.
this is the one of the nicest freedom for a man.
every guy will know what I’m talking about right here.
it’s pure freedom.
I zip up and go back out and around to the front. randy is just coming out.
we get back into the jeep. then go to little flower.
choco tacos are handy to eat in times like these.
delicious.
they are.
back to my Chapter Two now.
The Mother Fucking Journey.
randy and I now have two booms well randy is on three, I’m on two. walking back to the jeep. we get in. go down our street to mass ave.
drive up it.
SANGAMORE! then walholding (check spelling) into the neighborhood of time
being in this place is like being constantly lost, though you know where you are.
we’re just driving and talking
talking and driving.
going up and over the hilly streets and past the fancy and normal and small and shacky looking houses. till finally he stops.
“take out the bowl and pack it again!” my mind says to me.
I pack it in the dark.
I take one hit
pass it to randy
he takes his
then I take mine
then he takes his
and I take mine
and he takes his
and i…..i have to roll a cigarette. randy puts down the bowl till I finish. I have to concentrate hard on the cigarette to roll it. the light was on for a bit. randy and I forgot about the bowl. I finish my cigarette. and smoke it
randy and I talk for awhile
I actually didn’t finish my cigarette
randy’s talking about how he was treated back at MMA
he’s pretending to be his sergeant or something
I remember the bowl
I have it
so I pick it up as randy is having a flashback of MMA
he’s talking to himself now in the style of some sort of drill sergeant.
“SHOULDERS BACK.” what the hell?
“EYES FORWARD DON’T LOOK ANYWHERE ELSE!”
what the fuck is randy talking about? why is he talking to me like I’m a grunt or some shit?
“HANDS AT YOUR SIDE LINED UP WITH THE PLEATS”
randy is having a flashback…that’s all…I think about it for a bit…
but at the same time….i’m laughing my head off..im cracking up and so is he.
he wasn’t having a flashback
he was telling me what it was like is all…how ridiculous it was.
as he’s pretending to be the drill sergeant. I rid myself of everything
except for the thought of that Vitamin B-6.
I picked up the bowl
randy is still pretending to be whatever he is
all serious and stuff
I picked up that bowl full of vitamin b-6
randy (to me at least) is full on a drill sergeant being a complete dick to me
randy has now turned into this complete asshole of a person staring me right in the face calling me gay, making fun of me for my disorders. my axienties and my depression he makes fun of me for all of it. all my fears and my loves. no matter what it is , he finds a way to make fun of it
talking like a drill sergeant.
all my anger is stirred up. I keep my face calm. looking him right in the eye with that bowl in my hand.
my randy brother isn’t himself he’s completely changed….
he’s the devil himself stirring out all my fears and angers and making fun of me for what I love.
I have that bowl in my left hand
that lighter in my right hand.
and im right handed.
getting anxious for it? aren’t you? can’t have it yet. I faced the devil himself, and he had taken the form of my brother. that bastard. how could he do that? my most beloved sibling. the only family member I ever really connected with was now the devil.
satan himself flickering lies and terrors with his two-stemmed tongue sliming in and out of his face. not just the mouth, but the ears and nose. a slimey slice of tongue coming out and wriggling out each hole on his face.
but not the eyes. the eyes are looking right at me
staring straight into my guilty soul.
I know I’m a sinner, I have taken full responsibility. satan cant do shit.
I have the bowl in my left and the light in my right
and im right handed.
this going to have to wait. I need a cigarette. but a newly rolled one…ill be back.
I smoked two cigarettes. one was an American Spirit. from my brother. I smoked it because I had to draw to hard on my handrolled cigarette. the A.S. was easier to chill with and talk with to my brother randy. after he left I picked the handrolled one off the ground. picked off a bit of both ends of it so it’d be easier to smoke.
it was so much easier.
I paced
paced
paced
paced
paced
paced
paced
paced
I paced
it came to me
I finally understood what those damn dirty hippies were all about.
it’s about doing whatever you feel like so long as you don’t harm those you care about and those who don’t care about. you don’t do anything wrong to anyone else except yourself. you’ll wrong yourself no matter how hard you try. but you can…it is very very possible to not harm anyone in your entire life. it seems like long long ago it was in human nature. before Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve is a symbolic story of how man lost his ways and became harmful to one another. God….God is….(this will sound completely stonerish but if you think about it….it makes sense) God is a symbol for everything man and woman used to be. and the story of Adam and Eve is the story of when man turned against those ways. God is peace. God is not the type of supernatural being the majority of this race believes. God is the guiding force within all of us to do good. We all have the potential to reach the God like state, however it’s been so long lost in our ways of the corrupt, that its become nearly impossible to completely reach it. However, each time something extremely great happens. That’s because you or someone else or you AND someone else has found that God-like state. (Don’t forget…God is a symbol NOT an all powerful supernatural being) However, the reason something great happens is because someone out there or two people have reached that God-like state of being at peace with everything in the world, no matter how bad things are. You can only reach this state for a few seconds. The state of being completely at peace. Each time you do that….something great in the world happens. It doesn’t have to be great for you…or anyone you know. But something great happens in this crazy, corrupt universe. Everything has become crazy and lost and confused in this world.
The most peaceful (I bet you’re fiending for me to get back to satan, but it has to wait) thing that could ever happen to someone is fall in love with their true soulmate. it happened to me a about a year ago. Only now am I realizing it. it was the first time I ever met Josephine Rose Ingate. At the time, I was dating another girl who didn’t live near me, she lived in florida. I was dating Sarah. but when I first saw Josie…..i can actually remember it perfectly. I was at Hope’s house with Amanda and Hope’s family. Josie had called me…or I called her…it doesn’t matter really. the point is I told her to come over to Hope’s house…I didn’t even ask Hope if it was okay…I just invited josie over and told hope a friend of mine was coming for dinner. Josie had come…she was at the door waiting for me to open it. I opened it. I saw Josephine Rose Ingate’s eyes and I stared deep down into them. I saw everything I am in her. I felt good about everything all at once. And then something amazing happened. She smiled. It was an awkward style of smile….probably because I looked so deep in her beautiful, beautiful eyes and she thought I was crazy. But it was her smile combined with her eyes….that made everything at complete peace for the rest of that night. I didn’t have a care in the world. Not one care. Except to protect those that I was around (I’m sure they would have done the same for me had anything slightly wrong gone wrong) but nothing went wrong that night. It was perfect. I had reached my god-like state for a period lasting longer than a few seconds…it lasted an entire day. I remember perfectly. Josie staring back at me. I smiled at her. We had done the same thing to each other.
That’s when she became my true soulmate because we had both achieved the state by doing the same thing. That night….and the next day…nothing went wrong. Josphine Rose Ingate, this is the single most important question of my life, and it comes at an extremely odd time, and I know I’ve asked you it a million times over, and you’ve asked me it to…..however
Josie,
Josie,
Josie,
Josie,
Josie,
Josie,
I love you with all my heart and soul, I will do anything for you at all.
Josie,
Josie,
Josie,
Josie,
Josie,
Josie,
Josie,
Josie,
Josie,
Josie, will you marry me?
yes
no
Satan was staring me right in the eyes
Bowl in my left, lighter in my right.
He wasn’t saying anything any longer.
Just distorting my brother’s image.
Slimey, wormy, disgusting, tongues were coming out of every hole on what used to be my own brothers face. Satan took my brother away from me and was now taunting me with randy’s face. maggots crawling straight out of his bloodshot eyes. straight out the pupils. Satan took his face and distorted it over and over each time with a different face twisting and creating a new one each second a new face just as creepy just as slimey and grueling to look at. just a few seconds ago…everything was fine and I was cracking up with randy. now I see before me…a twisted face of satan which used to my brother.
the face is constantly shifting, worms, maggots, bugs, crawling all over. I stare him
directly
in
the
eye
Bowl in my left, lighter in my right.
I picked up the bowl put it to my lips and
before I knew what was happening
a flame was above the bowl as if it had always been there
I stared satan directly in the thing that the human race is scared of the most…
I stared at satan taking my brothers face and twisting it and knotting it and distorting it and I took it. I took it.
My mouth became dry, my lungs filled, the taste of ash nearly makes me gag. but I hold it in. and just as that bowl disappears from my lips, I release it. right in satans face. satan…the symbol for all evil in the world, including my own evils and everyone I know’s evils. smoked filled the air for a split second I couldn’t see satans face. when all the smoke was gone……satan was too and randy was pretending to be the drill sergeant at MMA.
randy made a face that seemed like he was slightly gagging from all the smoke.
“that’s what I would do to that guy” I said that.
Randy cracked up. I cracked up. I defeated Satan. Perfect.
I defeat satan. I cracked up. randy cracked up. realizing now I’m in a jeep with my brother listening to meat puppets, I cracked up harder. randy called zach and told the tale….nothing of satan though…only the drill sergeant…why?
hadn’t randy felt the evil passing through his body?
I guess not.
he must have been some place else…where?
zach is a friend. we’ve been calling him throughout this vacation. we’d call him to say the most profound or idiotic things. why? because had he not moved, he’d be with us. zach, my long lost best friend, where did you go? you left
with
reason
which is good.
back in the jeep
before I knew it I was in my backpack
my entire body
I was engulfed in a jungle of crumbs, old tobacco, I was swallowed by darkness
I was
alone
“what are you doing?”
randy said it.
Only my hand was in my backpack
how?
I take on a cool, calm, level-headed tone. my voice is strong and cool. I’m forcing my hand into the dark lonesomeness, strangeness, things are crawling all over my hand.
“I’m looking for more acid.”
Chapter 2 ½
The mother fucking journey continues
I took half a boom more. Randy took the other. before I knew it we were half a block from Josie’s house. We were
both cracking up, but I had
to
leave him
behind.
Shit! Randy has to stay behind.
I think he understands though!
Her window wasn’t normal. it was like a portal
a series of cool hazy lines with colors of every sort, forming psychedelic blobs waving into each other.
josie is right in front of me
I don’t remember any words. None.
The phone is on my face.
(in real time it’s 2pm now and I’m with Josie. Still won’t believe me)
It seems like it’s been a month since I last wrote anything. It’s really been about 2 and a half hours.
I’ve been in josie’s house \
Just being with her
Just loving her.
With all my heart.
And the booms are coming up and down up and down
Everything else could be in a completely different universe, but she’s always here. Everytime I look, she is there.
Back to the story,
Josie was at her window in front of me. I couldn’t touch her. Not one bit. It was torture.
I try to stay calm and smiled.
Seconds later everything changes.
Josie looked at me.
Straight into my soul.
She could see everything in me for at least 2 seconds.
It is the single most excruciating moment of my life.
She saw all my past sins. All my immoral doings. Past and present. She saw all of them because I let her look directly into my eye.
Excruciating? Yes. But it may also very well indeed may be the key to my relationship with her. I allowed the one true person I love to see every detail of me. All my secrets, fears, sins, all my triumphs, all what I considered personal victories.
I let her see all that.
For two seconds
And it is the most painful, agonizing, thing I can imagine.
Im standing outside her window. She’s at her laptop typing.
What is it?
What the fuck is she typing?
I have no idea.
The text is there…..is that text?
It could just be lines of what I believe to be text
Salty water is pouring down my cheeks. A mass yellowish goo is stuck above my lips drippppp
Innnngggg
Drip
Drip
Drip
D driiiiiiiiiiiiiip
Dripping down
This is a new hell. A different one
I can see and hear josie now, but I cant touch her and she wont look at me
Its as if im a ghost
She doesn’t need me
I should walk away
I start to walk
I come back
She didn’t
Even
notice.
I really upset her. she’s pissed at me. more than pised.
I am
breaking
her
h e a r t.
this is the ultimate hell.
to have to stand outside your lovers window with her so angry at you she wont look at you after that first time.
and I cant feel her
this
is
h
e
l
l
.
I can see her lips moving
she seems franicy
whats so wrong?
I hung up the phone long ago
I kept sayinggoodbye
I didn’t leave
I said it again
still I didn’t leave
and again
and with the same result
I couldnt just leave…..
she still looks panicy
she calls
“go baby! youre going to get me in trouble!”
I mouth I love you and go
clearish slop is on my upperlip dripping down
salt water is covering my face
I feel perfectly fine once I get in the jeep with randy
“holy shit.”
randy’s mouth did it
he was sleeping
I was fine.
sleeping
fine
good
its all okay now
im back with my brother
safe
I scared the shit out of him when I got In that jeep
next I remember being back I nthe neighborhood of being lost…but im not sure if we were or not
were we?
I think so.
yes
we were.
we drove through it for kicks
cracking up and stopping every minute
in the jeep
cracking up over almost nothing
we went back to the top of briley place. no…
we walked somewhere
where are we? oh shit/.
we’re in front of the house now
listening to the doors
Spanish caravan
I close my eyes
hippos of every color
dancing around one
creature
the fox
the one fox turned into three
and then one again
three
one
dancing hippos of every color surrounded by the all encompassing sinking
engulfing
swallowing
bitch
black
d a r
k
n
e
s
s
was that it?
I remember seeing randy’s face.
we went inside
we immediately when back out on the side porch with cigarettes at about 6 am
it’s been year since we went home.
years
day
upon
months
of being away
just a few moments ago I was seeing josie,
now its 6 am?
the sun is rising?
how?
its amazing
randy the most single relevation of greatness.
I realize now I’ve already written it down. did I give him credit?
I don’t know
did I already write it?
I need to summarize it here
now
the revelation of randy.
Mankind and womankind are going back to the way they used to be, very slowly, but it’s happening. The way they used to be as in you had what needed, and that was that. world war two was the peak.
Yes, I said something very similar to that earlier on….well, I wrote it….randy said it
randy said so many things that are now lost in the times before.
how long ago was that?
when was that?
the booms?
are they there still?
Chapter Four
Locked in a bedroom, only leaving to pee.
I’ve been a terrible person…
have i?
yes
oh god
I have been
ihkjsdkfad
f32r342
r3
32)_)()_)-0_)_00()*(*%^^!@!@@@@
as punishment
I will
l
o
c
k
myself in my bedroom. it’s the only way.
I write my story.
I locked the door and didn’t look back.
It’s the next day now
the booms are gone.
I’ve gotten 14 hours of sleep.
There was something about my punishment
Something about being locked in that room…
It was the Grateful Dead.
Chapter Five
Ball of Rain
I heard rain.
Looking out the window I saw no rain.
Plants were vibrant…like none I’d ever seen.
Houses were gone.
I wanted to go outside to see if it were true.
when I turned around my door was gone.
All that was there was gone
my desk, my computer, my bed
everything
gone.
[/pre]
