"my Bitty"

Dedicated to "Trinity Haley Marie Lewallen " aka "Bitty"

"My Bitty"

When I look into your eyes, all my troubles fly away

Your love gives me hope and all the right words to say

You are the reason I try again, the reason I wake up each day

You keep me going, give me strength to go that extra mile

When I hold you in my arms, I can't help but smile

When you smile at me I'm lost in a different world

I remember dropping to my knees when the doctor said it was a baby girl

I wouldn't love you any different if you would have been a boy

Either way you'd still be my pride and joy

You're the meaning for everything I do

My life was a dead end until the day I was blessed with you

The tears of joy that rolled down my face

Knowing all my problems you would replace

You bring meaning to my life and love to my heart

Never having worries about being torn apart

You mean more to me than anything

Your are my world, my life, my everything

I will never forget Febuary 8th, 2006

The day I was blessed with Trinity Haley Marie…My Bitty

This should belong in the poetry forums. ^_^

***Moved to Other Poetry***

This is awesome. Very sweet, very well-rhymed, and very touching. Great job.

Ordinairily I'd say that the lines are a little long, but since you double spaced it that takes care of that, and makes it that much more pleasing to read.

So... I really don't have anything negative to say. I think I'll leave it at what I've already typed and say goodbye, instead of pulling it apart with tweezers to find deeper meanings.

But again: fantastic job.

Peace, love, chocolate,
Muffin

This is very sweet and touching. It made me smile. However, The rhyme is mostly simple and somewhat forced. The lines are a bit long, and, in some places, it doesn't really flow. You might also want to break it up into stanzas.

Example:
Looking in your eyes,
My troubles fly away.
Your love gives me hope,
And the right words to say.

(Capitals means I have put it there--look at the new organization of the poem too)

When I look into your eyes,
all my troubles fly {NOT TOO ORIGINAL--SAY FLUTTER OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT, GIVE IMAGERY} away
Your love gives me hope
and all the right words to say

You are the reason I try again,
the reason I wake up each day
You keep me going
{ADD ANOTHER LINE}

You give me strength
to go that extra mile
When I hold you in my arms
I can't help but smile

When you BEAM at me
I'm lost in a different world
I remember (dropping to my knees) DONT SAY THAT--WE CAN SENSE THAT YOU WERE EXCITED, BUT DROPPING TO YOUR KNEES IS SHOCK, AND YOU WEREN'T SHOCKED--YOU KNEW THE BABY WAS COMING! SAY, MAYBE, "I remember trembling with glee"
when the doctor said "IT'S A baby girl"

I wouldn't love you any different
if you would have been a boy
Either way you'd still be
my pride and MY joy

You're the meaning
for everything I do
My life was a dead end
until the day I was blessed with you

The tears of joy
that rolled down my face
Knowing all my problems
you would replace {A BIT CONFUSING. WHAT WILL THE BABY REPLACE?}

You bring meaning to my life
and love to my heart
Never having worries about
being torn apart

You mean more to me
than anything
You are my world, my life,
my everything

I will never forget
Febuary 8th, 2006
The day I was blessed
with Trinity Haley Marie…
My Bitty

Excellent! I liked it! You saw my suggestions, but let me add a few more:

Add imagery! The best mehod to add imagery is with metaphores and similies, so make sure you place some in there to make it more proffessional and interesting.

Some places didn't flow, so I tried to fix that, but couldn't in some lines..
"You mean more to me
than anything
You are my world, my life,
my everything "
This would be an example.

Other than, good job!

This poem is very very beautiful, very stirring.

One quick thing.

I wouldn't love you any different if you would have been a boy

This line is choppy, as are many of them. Keep working on it, shape it, give Bitty life.

Does her nose crinkle when she's excited? Does she have a cute habit of rubbing her ear when she's tired? These are the things that will give the poem (and Bitty) a spark of individuality.

We know you love her very much, so don't take this the wrong way when I say that it's a very common feeling. Make it different.