Woe

I posted a slightly different version of this quite a while back, it is slightly edited and far from completely finished. Any and all thoughts are appreciated.

Woe, surging like some misbegotten wave,
Wrenchingly ripping the last vestiges
Of Sanity; Insanity’s slave,
That clung to Earth’s craggy surface.

Torturously tearing through my mind,
Self-Doubt jams into the crevices of thought.

Visions of my own mortality
Swirled upon the crashing water.
My ailment, the cause of my fatality,
Brought premonitions of it all.

A raucous cacophony of voices,
Grate the contours of my brain.
An inefficiency of thinking,
Was self-effacing.

I left in ignominy.

Of Sanity; Insanity’s slave,
That clung to Earth’s craggy surface.

Torturously tearing through my mind,

I'm not sure whether you or the earth are being metaphored (yes, probably not a word; oh well) here. Eh, looking at it again, it probably doesn't make too much of a difference. Maybe just take another look at it.

My ailment, the cause of my fatality,
Brought premonitions of it all.

This part confused me, especially the second line. Maybe see how you could reword it? I thought that that whole stanza could have included some more imagery. Swirling in crashing water sounded strange, like swirling is too soft and dainty a word.

An inefficiency of thinking,
Was self-effacing.

I like.

I left in ignominy.

I'm not sure I like the word "left". On one hand, it's nice and simple, in contrast to ignominy. On the other hand, after having your memories ripped apart by a wave of woe, it seems contradictory to be able to just leave.

Torturously tearing through my mind,
Self-Doubt jams into the crevices of thought.

Visions of my own mortality
Swirled upon the crashing water.

Careful, you switched tenses here. Was it on purpose?

In general, I think you can expand on the images you've given. For example, this seems like it should be more painful to read than it is:

A raucous cacophony of voices,
Grate the contours of my brain.

I think it shall be lovely when polished.

This has too many far-flung adverbs thrown about to make it powerful and too many strong verbs to make it powerful as well. Remember: brevity is the soul of wit. That doesn't mean that everything you must write must be clipped, but it does mean that every word you write must do something.

This is especially true for poetry. At the moment, you have all these words thrown together, but they don't convey what they should. Your last line is by far your best, if only because it conveys in four words what you have been flailing around to say.

Look at every word in your poem and determine the reason for it existing. If you can't find an excuse that is worth it, it probably should be cut out.

When you cut out the words, you'll find yourself with a barren poem. Unfortunately, this means that you face the hardest task of them all; you have to rewrite it so that it conveys what you want with meaningful words.

Good luck!

Snoink speaks the truth! Too many adjectives. But as she also says, cut 'em out and you've got a pretty bare lookin poem. You have a quandary.

This poem is a self-pitying one. You're whining about your problems, but you're also being very vague about them. It's depressing. And it's depressing without a purpose. I don't care about your woe. You have great poetic talent, but these commiserating poems are a dime a dozen.

Also, you need to look over your poem and get rid of the capital letters where there chould be lower case.

~Helmet~

I love alliterations but I think you used way too many here. It just suffocated me.

And why are certain words punctuated? You would assume they have some great meaning but it didn't seem that way.

I don't really have anything else to say. *shrugs*