philia

I love you, but then I'm not in love with you.
I want to bask in your affection, your desire,
like a heat imprisoned within you.
I sense the tenderness, but not the fire.
I have no explanation for my lack of yearning,
No choice for what I don't feel,
No other love to whom I might be turning,
No anguish to suggest this isn't real.
Passion is like a creature that bears no master,
And I cannot with ropes and walls make it stay.
It must go free towards destiny or disaster,
Awake to truth then show the way.
So I have to say what you don't want to hear,
But it's my honesty that we both must share.

i want your friendship,

you missed out a capital here…

i have no explanation for my lack of yearning,

…and here

Otherwise, A very lovely poem, mate! You might want to divide it into verses however. I also like the rhyming pattern. I would say more but I’m not all that great at reviewing poems. I like this though and will be keeping an eye out for you…

Yours
Emily

Ay, I understand this perfectly.

But at the same time, you can do so much more with this! Right now, you're just saying the same things over and over. You don't feel like you're in love, you don' t know why, etc. But why not spice it up? Instead of just telling that you feel this way, add interesting imagery that shows us what you feel and bring it into life.

And don't worry about rhyming -- really. Rhyming can be done, but it's not a rhyme that makes things poetic. It's the passion in the poem that makes it poetic. So forget about the rhyme and give us the passion that you feel and put it into words. Then it'll be something special.

It's sweet and pretty, and the rhyme scheme is well done, but this poem didn't do a whole lot for me... You're main problem is that your simply telling us how you feel, not showing us. This would definitely be more powerful with some imagery.

You missed an apostrophe in the the "I'm" in the first line, and a comma after "affection" in the second line. As VampireBadger pointed out, two of your i's aren't capitalized.

Keep writing!

I see that you've fixed the other typos, but here's a grammar mistake.

No other love to who I might be turning,

Oops! "who" should be "whom" because it is the object of your (or lack of) turning.

Yes, it's lovely but simple.

But at the same time, you can do so much more with this!

Snoink is right.

The passion is there, the rhyming pattern and vocabulary is there. You just need to stop going "I..." "I..." and give us, you readers, some imagery. You can do it! Metaphors, similes, analogies, ect.

I enjoyed it. Happy writing to ya!

I agree, some imagery would really improve this poem. Your meaning is already clear and the rhyme is beautiful. Though the last two lines sort of catch me off guard because the rhyme pattern changes. Other than that I liked it.

~Rieda

I agree with the above comments (mark it on the calendar!). Everyone and their dog has been told to "show, not tell" with their fiction, but really it applies just as much - if not more - to poetry. Lines that just tell rather than show lack energy, and if you have too many lines where nothing happens, your readers will run out of steam before they get to the end, and the words will just be going in one ear and out the other.

If you're still having trouble, try re-writing this in a style closer to free verse. Honestly, the first time I read this through, I didn't notice the rhyming, I just noticed that sometimes the words felt a little forced - and I think it's because you're trying too hard to fit it into a rhyme scheme. You've got a solid concept and I can tell that this has a lot of emotion behind it, but it's not *quite* as captivating for your audience as it could be.

At the risk of sounding repetitive--I agree. ^~ There's definitely a place in poetry for telling, but the trick is balancing it out with the showing. Your rhymes are easygoing and don't seem too forced, but the problem with a rhyme scheme? It's oh-so-much-easier to tell with a rhyme scheme than show. That's why so many poets nowadays prefer blank or free verse.

The problem with just telling is this: it lacks emotion. I can say, "I saw my friend today. She seemed sad." Or I can say, "I saw my friend today. Her eyes were red, and she shuffled along without looking up." Which one expresses the emotion better?

^~ Good luck.