The Unexpected

People always claim to be ready for the unexpected. Are they sure? Death, sickness, new borns, and plenty others are always things unexpected and no one is ever ready for them. Exept for one race. The Vampires.

Vampires are the unliving and the undead. They cannot die, but many claim they are not alive. They cannot get a sickness, and cannot breed. So in reality, they are ready for the unexpected. Or are they? Isnt love always unexpected? There is no way to phisically take away love, so Vampires are never protected from it.

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"Look, Jane! That new boy has been staring at you for the entire lunch period!" exclaimed Karli, Janes worst enemy, but you know the phrase 'Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer', and that was how Jane lived her life.

Jane pretended not to notice, but it was hard not to, considering he looked like an angel! She glanced over at his perfect expression, and shuddered. It was amazing that some people were just born for beauty.

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He stared at the girl shamefully."I shouldnt be thinking such things." He thought. That human was just so pretty that he could not bare it to take his eyes off of her for one second. It seemed and impossible task at the moment.

"How could this happen to me, of all vampires!" he said under his breath once more. He had come here so he would not be as suspicios, considering the last place he lived, suddenly had people dissapearing the moment he showed up.

As he was thinking of where he would have to go now, considering the fact that he new he would not be able to control himself around her, the vary same girl sat right next to him!

"How is your day going so far? Do you like the new school? I like it, and ive been here for as long as i can remember. If you need, i could show you around a bit, so you can get to know the school a bit better?"She said all of this very fast, apparently she was very nervous.

'You would be more nervous if you knew what i was' he thought, and chuckled.

"What is it? Do i have somthing in my hair?" and she started to pull at her hair, trying to find the thing that wasnt there.

"No, no, i was just thinking, thats all. Thank you for the invitation, but i would rather not." He said, looking sincerly sorry. He was good at acting, considering the fact that he had 117 years of practice.



**I was just trying to get this idea out there, if anyone thinks its any good, i'll continue with it.**

Pretty good. I like the idea, but I'm really not much for Vampires. The drama is good, and stuff. I like the first two paragraphs...there were a couple punctuation and spacing errors, and a couple awkward sentences, but nothing you couldn't catch if you read through it a few times. But a good idea! I think you should continue.

Yours truly, The Kool One

P.S. It was a little short for a whole chapter.

P.P.S. In fiction, numbers should be written out: one hundred and seventeen years.

Hi sasquash.

Take some time and try and figure out wha tyou want to say with that first part. It doesn't really make much sense the way it is and is kind of cluttered.

The idea of a vampire at a school (was that what you had in mind?) is intriguing, however, I think it could turn into just another teen angst sort of deal. Give us, as the readers, something different and new that is not thinly disguised. Your readers will want to be refreshed by your writing, not weighed down by the same old stuff they've read with a thin layer of polish on it.

Best of luck. Read a lot. Write a lot. That's the best advice I can give for an aspiring writer.

Thank you for your advice, and ill try to fix up my story. And yes i know that it isnt long enough to be a chapter, that was just me kinda testing out the story i guess.

I do like the idea, actually. I don't know if I'm crazy about the introduction (I think maybe the theme should reveal itself inside of the story instead), but I think that's just me. A few things I noticed.. just suggestions..

""Look, Jane! That new boy has been staring at you for the entire lunch period!" Exclaimed Karli, Janes worst enemy, but you know the fraise 'Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer', and that was how Jane lived her life. "
"fraise" is spelled "phrase". This sentence doesn't sound right.. I don't think it's grammatically correct? Don't capitalize exclaimed. Put a period after enemy. Take out but. Put a question mark after closer, and take out and.

"Jane pretended not to notice, but it was hard not to, considering he looked like an angel!"
I would replace "considering" with "because"

"She glanced over at his perfect expression, and shuddered."
What a perfect expression? This is an excellent place for a description...

" He had come here so he would not be as suspicios, considering the last place he lived, suddenly had people dissapearing the moment he showed up. "
I'm not sure I like how this sentence is written... I would replace "considering" with "like" and replace the last part with something like "where it was becoming to noticeable how people started disappearing the moment he showed up."