Err...Against Men I spose.

This would be the other part I mentioned. I'm not an angry writer and she was feeling emo about men, so this was what I came up, through empathising lol.

**

A scent of jasmine, lily and rose
lingers in the air after you’ve gone by.
Fair eyes, great mind, and shining hair a-flowing;
there’s nothing in his mind, no appreciation,
just a mad rush of blood, pumping, engorging
ready to be a-sowing.

There’s an aura of awe, wonder and worship
whenever people glance your way. Graceful lines,
bountiful curves, smiles that light the sky;
there’s nothing in his heart, no warmth to be torn
asunder, just a void that yearns to be filled, a swelling to
unleash.

There’s a taste of confusion, of loss, and complexity
that dances on the tongue in a riot of flavor
as you go down. He savours nothing,
in a headless rush of need.

There’s a touch of satin, of silk, and liquid flowing
movement, as you walk silently away. No mourning
in his gaze, eyes full of new prey. Artifice is in every
move, every word and thing he says.

Trust in nothing.

Well, I critted the first one, so I might as well do the second, eh?

Again, I see the same flaws in description that were in the first one. The subject, this girl, is described as a little too perfect for my taste. In the first one, it was light among darkness; here, she's a figure of grace and beauty contrasted against a selfish man.
Poetry is made sophisticated by, among other things, conflict and ambiguity. There is clearly conflict here; perhaps a little too clearly. Both characters are described only one way, over and over again; wonderful girl, bad guy, repeat. It would be better to show them differently once in a while. Did they once truly have feelings for each other? How does she feel about him? Has her possible experience with him changed how she feels about men in general? The title might suggest that...

The repetitive format also got on my nerves...it was sort of like a T-chart, comparing two things, you know? List this, list that; I think the same effect could be achieved without saying, "There's *place her description here*...There's *place his description here*".

There’s a taste of confusion, of loss, and complexity
that dances on the tongue in a riot of flavor
as you go down. He savours nothing,
in a headless rush of need.

I would say this is my favorite stanza because it's more complex than the others; not in format, but in the metaphor. Instead of describing the girl simply, you've compared her to a flavor, a complex flavor, and then saying that "he" savors nothing, following the flavor idea. The comparison is simplistic, but I like it.

-Colly

Hahaha, cheers.

Keep in mind this was at 2am last night, with an emotional friend online. She was getting impatient so I had to cut it off short...bah, anyways.

Thanks