Summer Solstice

S ummer - for half the year it sleeps.
O nly for winter's time to go
L ight coming from her sister's call,
S he lies across nature's plains.
T he solstice's locks that cascade in torrent
I nto the sea, sunlight for you and I
C aptivating all from the clown to the cleric
E ven wicked weeds whisper 'Solstice is here'.

Erm.

No offense, but that didnt really make sense. You have a beautiful idea (solstice = beauty in my mind) but I think it's spoiled by having to conform to the acrostic formula. Plus, like I said, it didnt make sense. Your ideas were all jumbled together and the images didnt flow naturally from one another.

If I were you, I'd try this again without the acrostic. It's OK for a school project, perhaps, but it limits your creativity and makes the poem seem a bit childish. Sorry.

Welcome to the site, anyway I will look forward to seeing you around.

Cheers,
~bubbles

What really bothers me is the bold letters and the spaces. To me, an acrostic should be written without putting so much stress, like you did, on the first letter. The reader should be allowed to look for themselves and notice oh, look there, a word! rather than be forced [and annoyed] to see it so obviously marked.

I have to agree--it doesn't make sense.

I nto the sea, sunlight for you and I
C aptivating all from the clown to the cleric

especially this.

I think it doesn't make sense because you are forcing it so strongly into the acrostic style that the sentences lose meaning and just... go. If that makes sense? You're focusing more strongly on the style, rather than the lines and the meaning. This is why styles like this are hard, you have to pay attention to both the form, and what you are actually writing.

Best of luck!

I agree with Bubbles. Lose the acrostic style and clean up the meaning, and this has potential. Not much more to add, really--though I'll admit, I rather liked the last line.

Cheers,

Fand

^~

You really needn't call attention to the fact that this is an acrostic poem. I'd get rid of the bold letters and probably make at least some of them lowercased so that the fact that the first letter of each line spells something is not the sole purpose of the poem, but another layer to it, that provides just one more way for everything to fall into place. And if someone doesn't pick up on the acrostic when it's not bolded, too bad for them; they've missed out.

Beginning with the line that starts with "T", the meaning becomes especially muddled, and it seems as if it continues only to finish the word solstice.