Incandescence wrote: Jon bit his sleep, mind racing for an excuse to travel alone. He came up empty.
Perhaps that was meant to be lip?
Ahh, Very pleasent. Easy to read and understand, save a few more area specific terms but nothing that cant be understood. Well written as always.
You may want to try and cut back on your dialogue tags. Any that can be done away with. It causes the story to drag. Not really enought to make a difference, but it could be helpful to cut some out.
*gasp* A Kyle/Jon fight! And those were low blows from both of them. I need to know what Kyle did! I have a feeling that I'm not going to find out until maybe the middle towards the end. lol, so many things are going on. I can't wait to find out what happens Sunday, if anything happens at all. Can't wait for the next!!
~Rieda
I love, love.
*This wonderful crit is brought to you by CCF!*
