untitled

[EDITED VERSION; MORE SOON :]]


Memories spun through my head. I didn’t understand him. I watched a black SUV pull into the driveway; At first I saw Rocco but I had to shake it off .I glanced down at the person, who happened but once again my brain had found yet another way of stimulating my misery.

Brett came in and sat next to me, but he didn’t say a word. His jittery disposition explained his silence as he watched me stare out the window. Brett had been my first friend in New York and I know he would be the last person to ever leave me. He had told me he loved me everyday since Rocco’s decease. I turned to him and waited for him to speak.

“How are you? he questioned, rubbing his hand down my arm.

“Okay,” I said weakly reluctant to not break out in tears.

“I love you,” he said.

I had had it, Brett had finally blown a fuse.

“What are you on the rebound now?” I ruptured.

“ No Alex, you-” I didn’t let him finished.

“ Rocco’s dead, and you think you have a chance with me ?!” I was now on my feet, pacing, crying, being hysterical.

“I just want to make you happy, like Rocco did...” He said and put his hand on my heart. “I’m sorry for making you feel uncomfortable,”

He grabbed the envelope he had brought with him and headed towards the door. He always found a way to make me feel guilty, but this time I was the culprit. I grabbed his arm, and we both sat down.

“I’m sorry. I just can’t do this now,” I confessed and wiped my tears.

“I can’t be without you much longer.” he said, his hazel green eyes staring into mine.

I didn’t know what to say, my eyes shifted to the ground sheepishly. He placed his hand under my chin and gently lifted my head,

‘I-I need to tell you something,’ he stuttered.

I waited for him to speak as he hunted for words to say.
“Before he got on the plane...he told me he wasn’t coming back,”

“What?” I didn’t make sense to me, “what, what are you saying?” My heart burned with anger as the thought of someone killing Rocco entered my mind.

“No...he just had that feeling,” Brett opened the envelope and took out a note.
He placed it in my hand.

“He wrote this for you the night before he left, he wrote me one too telling me he knew that he was going to die.”Brett said.

I didn’t want to open the note, it would just leave me with more questions and no answers.

“I thought he had gone mad, but when I heard about the plane crash..” his words faded as I began to read the letter I had refused to open:

I’m sorry. I never wanted to leave you this way. I will always love you -Rocco

Tears flowed down my face as I keep staring at the letter.
“How could he say that?” I cried as I looked up at Brett. “He said we were spend our lives together!”

“Alexa, he thinks we’re good for each other. That's what he feels is right,” he tried to grab my hands but I moved away. I calmed myself down and collected myself before I spoke again. Even if I had wanted to forget Rocco, there was no possible way too. Now knowing that he had fought with me to save my life, I could never live with the fact that he was gone.

“What about what I feel?” I looked him deep in his eyes and picked up his hand unsteadily and placed it on my stomach.
“I’m pregnant.”

Memories spun through my head. I didn’t understand him. I watched a black SUV pull into the driveway; At first I saw Rocco but I had to shake it off .I glanced down at the person, who happened but once again my brain had found yet another way of stimulating my misery.

That line is just confusing. The sentences preceding it are short, choppy, and don't contribute to any source of flow.

Brett had been my first friend in New York and I know he would be the last person to ever leave me. He had told me he loved me everyday since Rocco’s decease. I turned to him and waited for him to speak.

You switch tenses- it should be "I knew."

“Okay,” I said weakly, reluctant to [s]not[/s] break out in tears.

I'm not really a fan of the "break out in tears," but it sounds better without the 'not.'

“I love you,” he said.

I had had it[s],[/s] Brett had finally blown a fuse.

I'd cut out the comma and add a period, but this is confusing as well. I think it'd be better if you included a brief explanation for the sudden anger, or at least provide some examples of emotion.

“What are you on the rebound now?” I ruptured.

This sentence sounds awkward.

“ No Alex, you-” I didn’t let him finish[s]ed[/s].

There should be a line preceding this, maybe shifting the focus of attention on Brett. At this point the reader hasn't been introduced to the girl's name, so they're completely unaware of who 'Alex' is. I had to re-read this in order to determine who was speaking.

I was now on my feet, pacing, crying, being hysterical.

It's a list that's seems unfinished.

“I just want to make you happy, like Rocco did[s]...[/s]” He said [s]and[/s] as he put his hand on my heart. “I’m sorry for making you feel uncomfortable[s],[/s] .”

Cut the ellipsis and add a comma, lowercase the 'h', and add an 'as he' in place of the 'and.'

“I’m sorry. I just can’t do this now,” I confessed [s]and[/s] as I wiped away my tears.

‘I-I need to tell you something,’ he stuttered.

Insert necessary quotations!

I waited for him to speak as he hunted for words to say.
“Before he got on the plane...he told me he wasn’t coming back,”

Throw in a period instead of a comma at the end of the second sentence. There are more artful ways of including a pause without using an ellipsis.

“What?” I didn’t make sense to me, “What, what are you saying?” My heart burned with anger as the thought of someone killing Rocco entered my mind.

"What, what" is strange. Maybe, "W-what?" The underlined phrase doesn't make much sense to me, and why the hell would the thought of murder enter her mind at this point? O_o

“No...he just had that feeling,” Brett opened the envelope and took out a note.

Ellipsis is unnecessary.

“He wrote this for you the night before he left, he wrote me one too telling me he knew that he was going to die.”Brett said.

This should be split into two sentences.

“I thought he had gone mad, but when I heard about the plane crash..” his words faded as I began to read the letter I had refused to open:

Tears flowed down my face as I keep staring at the letter.

Don't change tense. "Keep" should be "kept."

“How could he say that?” I cried as I looked up at Brett. “He said we were spend our lives together!”

We would?

Even if I had wanted to forget Rocco, there was no possible way too. Now knowing that he had fought with me to save my life, I could never live with the fact that he was gone.

Ennui dun the crit ande picked out the errors already. I found this a bit confusing to start off with, but the ending was good, and explains Alexa's feelings at the beginning, so well done there.

The first paragaph was a bit confusing, but after that the story had a nice flow to it. The only part I thought was rather rushed was when she says she's not gonna open the letter and in the next sentence she's already opening it.
And it isn't exactly clear to me what she mean with "he had fought with me to save my life". Did he fight with her so she wouldn't board the plane? What exactly happened there? I think thats something you could go more into deatail.
You passed Alexa's feelings quite well to the readers. I could really feel her pain. And the realitionship between her and Brett was also well depicted.

I glanced down at the person, who happened but once again my brain had found yet another way of stimulating my misery.

That makes absolutely no sense. Take out the 'who happened', for the life of me, I don't know why it's there.

I turned to him and waited for him to speak.

Repitition of the word him. It's not to bad here, but removing one, or even both hims could do wonders for the flow of the story.

“How are you? he questioned, rubbing his hand down my arm.

Missed the second quotation

“I’m sorry for making you feel uncomfortable,”

End this with a period

He grabbed the envelope he had brought with him and headed towards the door.

he had...uew....Not a great tecnique to adopt. He had done this, he had done that, is very unprofessional and it just sounds odd in past tense. The had is unneccesary. "he grabbed the envelope he brought with him," sounds much better in comparison.

‘I-I need to tell you something,’ he stuttered.

why the sudden switch to single quotation marks? You've been using double the whole time.

“Before he got on the plane...he told me he wasn’t coming back,”

Nix the ellipses, and put a period at the end of this.

he wrote me one too[period] [s]telling me he knew that he was going to die.[/s]”

She's know's what the letter is about, and she reads it as well. He doesn't have to tell her it's contents.

Even if I had wanted to forget Rocco,

There it is again...had had had...once again, take it out.

“I’m pregnant.”

nice ending. Unexpected, in a good way. =D

Okay, A few topics I should go over. Dialoge being one of the most important ones.
Here's what I've noticed you do a lot.... (this isn't from your peice, it's just random)

"Hello," I said.
She looked at me oddly and repeated, "Hello,"

See. Where you end of the dialogue, you seem to put a comma. I'm going to guess it has to do with confusion about dialogue rules. So, here they are in a nutshell...

If you finish a thought and nothing comes after it, there's a period

If the character say's something, and he said/she said/he muttered ect
comes after it, then there is a comma after the dialoge.

If an action comes after the dialogue, there's a period.

That's pretty much it on dialogue punctiation...

Something else I noticed you did a lot, and I pointed it out earlier, is the who, he had done this thing. That's not very good for a few reasons. Most of the time you can just take out the had...it's like triple negatives for the past tense writer..after all, you wouldn't say, "She didn't not like to not do that." It would sound better as, "She liked doing that." Simple often outshoots complex .

Yeah, so that was about it for things to point out. The rest was very good, the flow, the speed of things. Very good job, minus the typos. =D

Keep up the great work!!!
-JC