The Moon's Tear

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Aye, this is in outline form, almost painfully so. It's in the traditional fairytale form, but without the flourishes that I miss. And all the names together are sadly very confusing to me.

But... this definitely sounds like a good story and I hope you've had some progress with expanding it?

In those days, before the shattering of the kingdoms in the Nether Age, there was a fair kingdom known as Ilystra, its high buildings set on shining hills. Here dwelt noble moon-elves, and in this age, theirs was a mighty kingdom, full of magical wonders as the elven folk are wont. Silver haired, tall and mighty, with piercing eyes of gray or blue, these winged folk of the moon, in this place, had reached their height in prowess. This magnificent nation flourished for many years, assessing affluence and growing ever more glorious.

I love this paragraph right here. I don't care if it's in outline form or whatever, I still like it.

As all fell spirits of Valk Hahwra’s brood, Tirnmaeth harbored in her heart a deep hatred for all kin of Faerie, and even as her castoff master she did envy the power and beauty in the hands of the moon-elves across that mighty gorge.

I like this too.

Alright, I name this story the GREATEST EVER!! It totally reminds me of how J.R.R Tolkien writes which is a very good thing for me. My only problem is your dialogue. It sound kind of...Old fashioned....You know what I mean? It sounds like all you have to add in there is the "thous" and other Shakespearean talk to make it complete. I think you should modernize your speech a WEE bit more, but not a lot. Otherwise, GREAT STORY!!! I also found some type-o's, I didn't mark them, but I suggest you go back and read through everything.

Good job,
Raye

Thanks for the reviews. This is a very old story of mine, and as it stands, I happen to hate it. I'm probably going to entirely rewrite it when I have the time. Thanks for the suggestions.