Disembodied

"Doctor?"

"Yes, Tammy?"

"Is there something wrong with me?"

The doctor shifted in his chair a bit, looking straight into her eyes. They were wide and fearful, and they seemed to penetrate him. He put his pen and paper down, and leaned over to put a hand over one of hers.

"No, of course not," he said kindly. "There is nothing wrong with you."

A lie, of course. If there wasn't anything wrong with her, then why was she with him, a professional psychiatrist? Not that all people who he saw were deranged, but they usually all had a problem. This one, especially.

"Then why does my hand want to leave me?" she said, that same fearful look in her eyes.

"Erm. Excuse me?" he said, wanting to kick himself for that moment of voiced confusion.

"My hand," said Tammy, staring down at it. "It wants to leave me. I tried to reason with it, but..." her voice trailed off. "It hates me doctor." Her eyes were shining with tears.

"Tammy, your hand can't possibly leave you," said the doctor, leaning in closer. "It's a part of your body."

"That what I told her!" spluttered Tammy. "But she won't listen to me. I told her I was sorry so many times. She won't believe me. She just won't."

The tears were streaming now. The doctor simply stared at her, trying to make sense of her words. They had warned him of her possible ramblings. He sighed, and placed a hand on her shoulder to console her.

"Tammy, why won't it forgive you? What could you have possibly done to it?"

Tammy stopped her sniffling, and looked down at her wrists. The doctor noticed for the first time the faint red line that went across just below her palm.

"I hurt her," she whispered. "I hurt her, and now she won't forgive me. Why won't she forgive me, doctor?"

"I -I don't know," he faltered. "Maybe it's afraid you'll hurt it again."

"What should I do then?" she squeaked, holding on to her precious right hand.

The doctor sighed again. "Can't you promise that you'll never hurt it again?"

Tammy gazed down at her right hand, and her face seemed to relax. The doctor wanted to say something, but her expression stopped him. Her eyes narrowed, and she let out a steady sigh, as if a very heavy sleepiness had just descended upon her.

"I guess I'll have to let her leave, then."

Sweet, interesting, well written. I could use all these word to describe this piece, but I'm going to go with absurd. It was good, I just can't imagine anyone telling anyone that their hand wants to leave them.

Try elaborating a bit more. What happened to this girl so that she had to see a phsyciatrist? What happened to make her deranged?

Your writing style is good, and so is your plot, there's just more that you could have said. I look forward to reading an improved version of this! It could be really good.

They were wide and fearful, and they seemed to penetrate him

Not sure what you meant by this...you said the character was a her, right?

Otherwise, I do think you could have expanded on this a lot- I think we need to know exactly what happened to make Tammy this crazy, so we can understand her and feel sorry for her. Because right now the only thing I know about her is that she's a little loony...

Definitely a very creative write, original and interesting, and I love the way it ended for some reason.

Wow, that was interesting. I totally agree with the other comments, we need more info about Tammy and why she is crazy. But I do like it and want to read more about Tammy.

the right words, the right level of mystery. i think we have all the information we need. good job.

Thanks guys, I'm glad you liked it. The thing is though, I meant this just to be a piece of flash fiction, and I didn't feel I needed to elaborate any more than I did. It's just something I wrote on a whim.

But thanks again for taking the time to read and review.


MM