Conquering Boredom

The Prologue

The world was dark when Lord Bore took over the world. Before, everything was bright, but now it was opaquely dark. Before, everyone was rich, but now they were poorly destitute and living in poverty. Before, everything was original and now everything dissolved into the cliché. And this is where our story begins.

Imagine, if you will, a monkey. A monkey who sits in the zoo all day and eats donuts and, for some reason, reads the newspaper while picking his toes with his teeth. This has nothing to do with the story, we just wanted to see if you can imagine it, because it’s good practice for The Drama That Is To Come, which, from the capitalized letters, you can tell that it’s very dramatic.

Now, to be a catchy hook, let’s involve something with our favorite subjects – Global Warming and Al Gore.

Or not.

Actually, let’s just get to the story, shall we?

Not sure what to make of this...but great job!

Heh, I liked it.

The beginning paragraph bothered me when you kept repeated the structure, "Before...but now..." I don't know if you meant to do this, if this is just a style of writing I haven't seen, but...yeah. If you meant to do this though, the third time you use the structure, you use "and now" instead of "but now".

I liked it though. Like M&M said, there's not much to say. XD I liked it.

Jabber, the One and Only!

Very funny. What's to come, mewonders?

Satire for the win!

Good, and the wonderful non-sequitur of the monkey leaves everything open for, well, anything.

mmhmm...um, well for sure this is the most original piece I've ever seen (take that however you want to lol) Can't really give it a serious critique as it's not something...well, to critique seriously...I do believe this will definitely conquer boredom, and would be interested in The Drama That Is To Come, when the drama is fully...er...dramatized. ?-?

The world was dark when Lord Bore took over the world.

I really, really want to cut out the second "the world" and make it a pronoun.

I get a feeling you just wrote this to write something...? *shrugs* I didn't laugh or anything, in fact I wasn't intending to look at it then I swore I saw, "Lord Bosie" and I immediately freaked out. Then I saw I was wrong XD The first paragraph was redundant, and in the whole piece nothing really went anywhere... It happened for the sake of happening rather than moving the story along but uh. Yeah. Is there actually going to be a chapter one?

The world was dark when Lord bore took over the world.

...Yeah, Clau's right. One of those "the worlds" has to go. I hope you continue this--with your senses of humor combined, it should be an interesting read. ^~

I'm intrigued. I should certainly like to see where you go with this. A very random start to what will most likely be a random tale... Oh and I like the monkey but why such an average animal? If you wanted to test our visual skills why not give us a giraffe trying to bite his tonails or maybe even a fish. That would be harder to imagine, yes?

The world was dark when Lord Bore took over the world. Before, everything was bright, but now it was opaquely dark

This first part is a little confusing. The way it is, it sounds as if (1) the world was dark(2) Lord Bore took over (3) it's opaquely dark. But then, before, everything was bright?

Before, everyone was rich, but now they were poorly destitute and living in poverty.

Erm, you flip flopped tenses a bit. Same for the following sentence. I'm not sure you can use "now" and "were" in the same idea. Especially followed by "living".

Before, everything was original and now everything dissolved into the cliché.

I like this sentence.

Imagine, if you will, a monkey. A monkey who sits in the zoo all day and eats donuts and, for some reason, reads the newspaper while picking his toes with his teeth. This has nothing to do with the story, we just wanted to see if you can imagine it, because it’s good practice for The Drama That Is To Come, which, from the capitalized letters, you can tell that it’s very dramatic.

Brilliant ^_^

Well, it certainly got and kept me interested. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be laughing all the time, but I am. I'm assuming you're going to continue? I hope you do.

Chapter 1: The Story Begins

It was a dark and stormy night. The cloaked warrior stumbled into the tavern. He was wounded – badly. “Give me a beer,” he rasped.

“Money first, idiot,” the bartender said with a treasonous look that looked like he was evil.

“A beer.”

“Didn’t you hear me the first time? No money, no drink.”

“But –“

The mysteriously cloaked stranger who was apparently a warrior as well grasped his chest and heaved out a choke, with blood coming out of his ears. “I need a drink!”

“Okay, fine,” the bartender said. He went to fix the guy a drink.

The mysterious warrior died.

“HOLY CRAP,” said someone who was obviously very drunk and is pretty much irrelevant to the story. But he had bladder problems – not that you needed to know that. “WHAT THE CRAP JUST HAPPENED??? AND WHY AM I SPEAKING IN CAPITALIZED LETTERS AND RANDOM PUNCTUATION THAT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE???”

“The world may never know,” the bartender mumbled. He is also a random person in the story, and you really shouldn’t pay attention to him. In fact, let’s skip over this entire scene, because it’s pretty much worthless. So basically…

“We’ll name him Charlie!” the witches said with a cackle that was obviously evil and glimmered of treason – not that words could glimmer, but still.

And so, Charlie came into the world with a confusing beginning, as you can no doubt tell.

More! More! The suspense is mounting!


MM

LOVE it. It's the mocking itself cliche story with no point but to be silly I've always wanted to write. It reminds me sort of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy in style.

The only possible bad thing I can find in it is the repetition of "the world".

P.S. Jabber The Hut, it's... I don't know what kind of writing style it is, but I've seen it before and it's acceptable.

Oh god. This has the potential to become one of those epic YWS inside jokes.

Or just plain epic.

Chapter 2: Charlie’s Torments

“Oh. My. Gosh. You are so insufferable!” said Charlie to the witches. “I hate you! You never understand me!”

“Yes we understand you,” they said.

“No you don’t! You never understood me, ever!”

“Yes we do,” they said understandably understandable.

“No you don’t, and because of this, I am going to run away and never come back!”

“Really?”

“Really!”

“Thank god,” they said. “We were waiting for this moment forever.”

“Waaah! I’m running away now!”

“Just GO.”

Charlie ran away. He was being an insufferable teenager and, a dragon who saw him was tempted to just end his misery and kill him there. He almost did too. He started a forest fire and everything burned, except for the witches’s turnip patch.

Fortunately! Charlie met a friend along the way and, because of said friend, he was not burnt to a crisp.