inactivity is a sin

h

When I first saw the title, I was ready to bust in here and start yelling about 'sin' and how it's overused and just a...ergh, there I go again. I have a very nice rant on the very concept of sin itself, but we're not going into that.

This poem...delightful! Definetly the best of yours I've seen yet! I could see the emotion trembling in this like a dew-drop on the tip of elderdown. The only part I don't like is in the last stanza

model yourself on the poor souls
of past heroes who kept dying
and dying and living and dying

I don't think the repetition does anything for this, in fact, it seems to take away from the fire in this piece. I don't think you should just delete it and leave it, I think a line should be tere...just not that one. Other than that...mushy mushy goey gooey praises from the Soy!

I'm sorry. This poem did nothing for me. I'll comment seriously later, though. We moved three gondolas and a 8 or 9 filing cabinets today. So yeah...I'll come back tomorrow when I'm conscious...or at least not as unconscious.

Thanks Soy and Brad. Although I really don't like this poem. I should probably delete it.