Geezer's Property #15

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It was Sherman who brought up the question of life.

“What about school?” He asked, seated at the kitchen table. The Geezer had ambled off to phone F.B.I. and the porridge, to the three musketeers’ continual amazement, was still quite warm.

“There are only a few more weeks until the end of August, you know,” sighed Leah, still looking slightly faint from the Reflection incident.

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to deal with history and the souped-up version we’re supposed to be learning,” said Rowan. “What d’you suppose these books are about?” he prodded the stack of books cautiously, as if they would rear up and bite him.

“I’m wondering,” said Saya, who was floating glumly around her tank.

“What’s got you blue?” asked Leah. Saya spread her arms and jumped half-heartedly from the water, a weak imitation of flight.

“I love flying,” she muttered sulkily. “I hate being bound to water.”

The Geezer entered the room in time to hear this.

“It’s your own fault,” he said, sitting down at the table and groaning. “Gah. Days like this make you feel as senile as Seneca and twice as old.”

He shoved the stack of books towards Rowan, who recoiled, causing Sherman to chuckle.

“Read these before tomorrow,” he grunted. “They’re books on debate and ethics.”

“Debate?” asked Leah, one eyebrow raised. She didn’t need pointers on debate. She had siblings.

“Yeah, yeah.” the Geezer poured a cup of coffee and added some cream. “The naga like debates, and they’ll keep you on your toes. When that stupid example of a Locke isn’t harping on about how dumb humans are, he’s ranting on about pollution and oil and all sorts of junk. They’re born politicians.” he grinned. “If you can’t put up a good enough argument, they spear you. That’s how you know humans and naga are sister races.”

“Lovely,” sighed Rowan, one fist under his chin. “Elby portrayed a somewhat civilized species…apparently, she didn’t meet them face-to-face.”

“Elby was a man, Rowan.” said Saya. “I forget the exact root of the name, but Irena” a shadow passed briefly over the Geezer’s face, unnoticed by the three musketeers “told me once that it came from the word ‘belladonna’, the deadly nightshade plant. Belladonna, when you eat it, gives you hallucinations. I guess it was a sort of ancient pun with ‘lullaby’…you know, lulling the human race into belief of the Others.” Saya shrugged, diving down to the bottom of the aquarium and retreating with her sulk into a large castle.

“That doesn’t exactly answer my question,” said Rowan, “but it clears up the weird name thing.”

“I remember when we had a discussion on what drug the guy was taking when he came up with the penname,” grinned Sherman. “Ah, good times.”

“You’re sick, twisted little children,” noted the Geezer, sipping the coffee. “Get reading.”

**

The doorbell rang around nine thirty, corkscrewing through Rowan’s fact-induced headache. Saya shot to the surface of the tank and almost jumped out.

“They’re HERE!” she proclaimed dramatically to Sherman, who was snoozing behind his book.

“Urg…” Sherman emitted some gargling noises and sat up, eyes bleary. “Guests?”

“F.B.I.!” said Saya, looping through the water.

The Geezer had already answered the door and the three musketeers listened to the muffled sounds of low conversation. Footsteps approached the closed kitchen door and it creaked open.

Three creatures stood next to the Geezer.

The first, almost two feet all, wore a dark green robe with a hood that covered its face, red eyes glaring out at the three musketeers.

The next was what appeared to be a mop head, long, straggly dark-green hair that reached the floor. Large, hair-covered bulbous toes emerged from the hair and wiggled.

The last was floating off in all directions.

“Brownie!” shouted Saya, leaning out of the tank and waving her arms furiously at the motley group.

“Hi, Saya,” said the creature. It had a torso, and hands, and feet, and a head, but they all floated in conjunction to the torso. It waved its right hand at her.

“This is F.B.I.,” said the Geezer, nudging the hooded creature forward with his cane. “Fungal, Brownie and Imp.”

Sherman snickered.

“Your parents actually named you Fungal?” he laughed.

“They’re our last names, you fool!” snapped the hooded creature.

“Ah, shut up, Imp.” said Brownie, eyes rolling off her head and onto the floor until, finally, they rolled back up her and into her skull.

“Not too be rude, Brownie,” said Rowan, fascinated, “but what are you?”

Brownie mock-curtseyed.

“A changeling, not unlike Saya here.” She waved an airy hand at the aquarium, which overshot and knocked into the kitchen table, causing the sugar to spill off it and onto the floor. “Whoops! Still getting used to this body, sorry!”

The creature called Fungal moved with surprising agility, big toes squirming energetically, to the heap of sugar. The long hair seemed to absorb the sugar, and before long the floor was sparkling. A small burp emerged from within the tresses of hair, and Fungal sat down, toes wiggling in happy content.

“To business,” said Imp, producing a wrapped package from within his robes and handed it to the Geezer. “The Sleazer wasn’t keen on giving this up so early.”
______________
EDIT: I posted this in a hurry, so now I'll bore you with my usual chatter.

F.B.I.. Pretty random, na? Fungal's my favorite, though. ;)
When I was struggling through WB I was thinking about the FBI. Don't ask. Anyway, it came to me: Fungal Brownie Imp. A brownie is a creature that sneaks into human dwellings and cleans up in old English legends, I believe. And we all know what an imp is ;)


I know that the Seneca are a tribe of Indians somewhere, but I got the name from the random name generator, meaning "old"....bwahhahaha.

:twisted: What is under Imp's hood, you ask?
That's for me to know and you to find out. BWHAHAHAHAHAH!
Enjoy.

~Sumi
Last edited by Sumi H. Inkblot on Tue Jul 17, 2007 4:10 pm, edited 2 times in total.
ohmeohmy




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This was a little confusing for me when I read it, as I haven't read any of Geezer's Property before, I really should go back and look at them ^^

“Debate?” asked Leah, one eyebrow raised. She didn’t need pointers on debate. She had siblings.


Oh, this made me smile. Debate and siblings, I can totally relate to that XD


“Yeah, yeah.” the Geezer poured a cup of coffee and added some cream.


Methinks you need to capitalise the t ;)

Just that little nitpick I think, I'll probably have another look at it tomorrow when I'm more awake/less delirious and see if I can find anything else.
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"he prodded the stack of books cautiously" - I don't think "of books" is necessary here.

Yes. Good. Fine. More. Now.
ln(-a)=i(pi) + lna




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Gurby! That's hardly worth posting! XD

Thanks for reviewing....XD

I had to post that in hurry, so I'm going to edit in my usual comments....xD
ohmeohmy




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I like Brownie best. :)

Inkie wrote:“What about school?” He asked, seated at the kitchen table.


You do this several times! SMALL LETTER!


Inkie wrote:he prodded the stack of books cautiously, as if they would rear up and bite him.


CAPITAL letter this time. :roll:


Inkie wrote:Debate?” asked Leah, one eyebrow raised. She didn’t need pointers on debate. She had siblings.


:lol: Good one.


Inkie wrote:“Yeah, yeah.” the Geezer poured a cup of coffee and added some cream.


Capital letter.


Inkie wrote:he grinned.


Capital letter!


Inkie wrote:“Elby was a man, Rowan.” said Saya.


Comma!


Inkie wrote:The last was floating off in all directions.


:lol: FBI!! :lol:
"TV makes sense. It has logic, structure, rules, and likeable leading men. In life, we have this. We have you." -Abed Nadir




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Hmm...

Well about all I can say is I like it. I don't want to be annoying and simply say that, but I can't think of anything wrong.

Um... I really like FBI, I think I like Fungal better than Brownie so far, but Imp has personality yet to be uncovered. *mysterious*

Wish I could help more than my normal...

Is there perchance a usergroup to improve your crits?

*trots off to find out*
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*sigh* "Another day, another death course."
Ratchet




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Thanks for the PM about the new chapter, it's another enjoyable addition.

Here are my suggestions and comments.

"What about school?" he asked, seated at the kitchen table. The Geezer had ambled off to phone F.B.I. and the porridge, to the three musketeers' continual amazement, was still quite warm.


I think this should be 'the F.B.I' Also 'and the porridge, to the three musketeers' continual amazement, was still quite warm.' feels tacked on. I suggest that you break it off into its own sentence.

"I'm wondering," said Saya, who was floating glumly around her tank.


You could add some description here on how Saya is floating glumly. Does she just drift aimlessly around the aquarium perhaps?

"It's your own fault," he said, sitting down at the table and groaning. "Gah. Days like this make you feel as senile as Seneca and twice as old."


If I remember my Roman history there were two Senecas: Seneca the Elder, a rhetorician and writer, and his son Seneca the Younger, a philosopher and playwright, tutor and adviser of Nero. Just a random facts you probably didn't care to know. I'm not sure why the name would mean old.


"Elby was a man, Rowan." said Saya.


You need to change the period to a comma to connect the speaker to the speech. "'Elby was a man, Rowan," said Saya.'"

"I forget the exact root of the name, but Irena," a shadow passed briefly over the Geezer's€™s face, unnoticed by the three musketeers, "told me once that it came from the word 'belladonna,' the deadly nightshade plant. Belladonna, when you eat it, gives you hallucinations. I guess it was a sort of ancient pun with 'lullaby...' you know, lulling the human race into belief of the Others."


Some more punctuation needed to show the breaks in the thought of the paragraph. Additions in red.

"Urg..." Sherman emitted some gargling noises and sat up, eyes bleary. "Guests?"


Since you have Sherman saying 'Urg' the 'emitted some gargling noises' is kind of redundant.

In the last section, I was somewhat confused as to which name belonged to which description. This was partly because you introduced the visitors out of sequence with the acronym F.B.I. Fungal first, then the brownie, then the imp was what I was expecting.

"Ah, shut up, Imp." said Brownie,


Swap the period with a comma since the quotation is part of the sentence.

The creature called Fungal moved with surprising agility, big toes squirming energetically, to the heap of sugar.


Does he/it jump, run or slide? You say he is agile but how? It would help to show just how a hairy mop-like being moves.

Interesting ending, as it introduces yet another curious character. Despite my blasting of the punctuation I thought the chapter was fairly good.

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~Shireling~
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*falls off chair*
So short!
And it looks like most of the previous posters did the nitpick of punctuation and shiz, and that's really all I noticed about this section.

A couple things, though-


"“It’s your own fault,” he said,"
---> OOOH!! I don't recognize that reference! Is that foreshadowing I see? ...or am I merely forgetting something that was said in a previous chapter? ...hmm. I cannot think of what. Now I'm rather interested in why it's her own fault :D


"I forget the exact root of the name, but Irena” a shadow passed briefly over the Geezer’s face, unnoticed by the three musketeers “told me once that"
--> should be as follows:
"I forget the exact root of the name, but Irena” -a shadow passed briefly over the Geezer’s face, unnoticed by the three musketeers- “told me once that"
*note position of hyphens*

Hmmm, besides what others have already said, that's about it :D
Picture me nodding along in the background in agreement to the capitalization errors and the comment about the gurgling or w/ev and that's the rest of my critiques. Anyways, nice clarity here, your usual nice work, and I'm off to the next bit! :D :D


****edit***
eek! I almost forgot- the other thing that poked out at me was that first sentence, "the question of life."
--How about of "normal" life, or of "outside" life, or of "their former lives", so we know what they're talking about and that he's not raising the question of Life, the Universe, and Everything? Cuz that's the first thing I thought of... >.<

....ta!
Drummer, beat, and dancer, fly
The floods of war are crashing nigh
Raise the mountain, blade the fire
And woe to they who voked your ire…
-----People do speak in semicolons; they just don't know it.------



Beware of advice—even this.
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