Okay, let me get this down, THIS STORY HAS LOTS OF GRAMMAR THINGYS!
That's because of the way it's written. So please, don't go on a grammar nazi rant. I'd like suggestions on that stuff, but I don't know that you'll be able to tell if it's there on purpose, or if you've spotted something.
ENJOY! I wrote this quite awhile ago, and discovered it. It's for and extended laugh, and has lots of different stories tossed in.
Also, it may be hard to understand some areas, especailly the end, sorry, but this is funny. I think you'll find it's worth reading.
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Duncan: Superdog
One day a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far, away, there lived a dog with my grandma on her farm near Denison.
Duncan is a white, energetic dog and sniffs all the time, and when you pull on a rag you can pull him any way you want.
One day while he was practicing with his light saber, he thought he heard something, and when he investigated he came face to face with Darth Glogol! They had a ferocious battle but in the end Duncan won with one paw cut off and a hole in his other, and he went home a glorious hero. (He also had to get a new paw from Paws ’R’ Us)
His next adventure was to rescue the ugly Princess Susan from the highest tower in a volcano with a dragon (Of course). He put on his shiny steel armor, and strapped his laser to his leg. Boarding his space ship, the well-armed Boner 11 he roared into hyperspace.
Hundreds of thousands of miles from earth Duncan landed on the planet Imoi ‘Latoedorey a planet rich in natural resources, such as gold and platinum.
The Evil ½ n ½ ruled this unhappy planet with a plastic fist, and a lot of hired thugs. Duncan was coming here to rescue the not so beautiful Princess Susan from uncertain death and possible torture.
He parked the Boner 11 in a high rise-parking garage where workers were packing stuff into boxes and stuff. Duncan checked the charge on his blaster and trotted down the ramp. His keen blue eyes scanned the area for anything suspicious, there was nothing in the garage to warn him of the coming terrors.
He first went to the nearest information booth and looked up the address of Princess Susan. Duncan found out that she lived in a high tower surrounded by a moat of burning reddish lava, and guarded by the biggest and most fierce dragon that the evil emperor, the dreaded and generally feared ½ n ½, could hire. After learning this important information, Duncan trotted off for the tower. He reached there after much hardship and a lack of chewy bones that was much lamented.
While Duncan was finding the tower the dreaded ½ n ½ had just found out that Duncan had landed and was here to save Princess Susan.
“Blast!” he shouted, “he escaped me on Tongotinga but he won’t escape this time!”
½ n ½ ordered his rain troopers to assemble and showed them a photo of our hero the brave and courageous Duncan. Whoever captured the sentient would receive a reward of 2’000’000 undemocratic credits, and his almost unending gratitude. All the rain troopers cheered at the news, and fired their blaster rifles.
By the time the speech was over Duncan had reached the tower and its lava encircling the moat. The burned remnants of a wooden bridge lay on the edge of the abyss. But Duncan was not daunted, he pulled a rope out of his backpack and attaching a hook hurled it across and caught it on a pillar. Then tying the rope to his collar he swung across. Duncan landed in a pile of rubble, pieces of rock, stone, concrete, cement and well, more rock; it was a painful landing. But Duncan was tough and after a good shake he was ready to go again.
Drawing his blaster he advanced cautiously into the castle ruins. However before he found the princess he found the mean and generally not very nice dragon. Duncan was brave and quick too, so he jumped behind a pillar and fired his blaster at the beast. The dragon roared in pain and blasted his fiery and bad smelling breath at our hero. Duncan dodged just in time and putting his blaster’s setting on full disintegration, he blasted the dragon at point blank range (and nearly got his eyebrows singed off). But it did do the trick. The dragon fell and Duncan ran on up the stairs to a door that was locked tight. Besides being brave, smart, and strong Duncan was also polite, so he knocked twice but no answer came.
Just as he was about to push open the door the wood splintered. Duncan whirled around and there standing before him was Lord Kader and tons of rain troopers. Quick as lightning Duncan whipped out his light saber and crouched in the xedi-fighting stance, and began deflecting blaster bolts.
Suddenly Duncan saw his chance and he dodging some blaster bolts he ducked into anther passage, and then down a second passage. After running hard for several miles Duncan leaned against the wall and panted; he thought he had lost them.
Checking the charge on his blaster, he prepared to continue his search for the princess. However the city was very big and Duncan discovered that he was lost. After wandering around for a while Duncan saw a transportal tube up to the top of a tower, Duncan quickly boarded it and up he went. At the top was an observation room with a pair of binocular image magnifiers. Duncan grabbed them and scanned the area below for signs of his pursuers, the dreaded rain troopers and Lord Kader. Duncan didn’t see any of them.
But he did see a parking garage with tanks in it. So he went down and climbed in the biggest one he could find. Just as he popped in he saw the dreaded Lord Kader, upon impulse he smacked the fire button and ten troopers went down.
“WAHOO!” he shouted, “FULL SPEED AHEAD!” he yelled. “CHARGE!” he screamed.
The troopers went down like ninepins but then he saw a trooper with a bazooka pointed right at him. Jumping up he shot his grapple out of the hood it snared on a curious looking piece of stone and Duncan swung out just before he got blown into tiny itsy bitsy pieces (Ow!).
Zipping through the troopers, one grabbed his leg and flew along with him. Duncan quickly pulled out his saber and slashed the trooper until he let go. Duncan landed but soon saw his grapple was not on any ordinary rock, it was a lever!
A hidden door was opening in the side of a hill; Duncan, seeing as the troopers were right behind him and yelling like savages, decided that it might be good to move.
Running inside he saw a side passage and went in, it ended in a door, seeing as the troopers were now screaming like cannibals he decided to forget about politeness. Upon entering he found himself looking at the fat and not so pretty Susan (Ugly and pouting too). He ran back up the tunnel with the princess in tow. Squashing her into a helipod he programmed it to deliver itself to the palace. Then he jumped into a ziJeep and ziJeeped outta there.
The only problem was the troopers, and the river, and the dragon that was not quite finished, and the fact that Lord Kader had a zicycle (Okay so there were quite a few things left).
Blasting out of the hillside Duncan ziJeeped right over quite a few troopers and crashed right into the river (problem number one). Hearing Lord Kader zipping towards him he flung himself to the side and let Kader crash into a thick and not small tree.
Then it was combat again, with the dragon pitching in as well. A trooper fired a bazooka at Duncan. Duncan ducked while deflecting a slash from Kader and the dragon took the bazooka round (That was the end of the dragon).
And with a quick uppercut with his saber Duncan sliced Kader’s head off (he’ll have to go to Heads ‘R’ Us). Duncan then sliced Kader’s tail off (a prize possession, looks like he’ll have to go to a retail store). Duncan then activated his flying boots (guess he never thought of using them before) and headed home.
He took a leisurely turn around the evil ½ n ½‘s tower and flew home with his enemy yelling behind him like all bad guy’s yell. “This isn’t the end! I’ll kill you yet scum.”
Upon returning he was a Hero (again) and with an astounding amount of doggie treats, (and much tummy rubbing) he settled down to a much-earned rest. You never know what might happen tomorrow!
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What do you think? Was it worth reading?
And yes, I know it's still in rather large paragraphs. Sorry.
At my Grandmas farm in Denison. She has a dog named Duncan, and we (that is me and the "co-author") just sort of fantasized.
