Iriad (part 6)

5 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1145
Reviews 52
She was still lying there in the same position I had left her. I reached down and brushed away a piece of sodden hair from her cheek. Her skin was ice cold.

I swore and put my hands on my head. How could I have been so stupid? Of course she was going to be freezing, she had been at the mercy of the sea for at least a few days and, I paused, she was freezing and she hadn’t moved yet. I swore again “Stupid freak, why didn’t you check to see if she was still alive?” I went to check for a pulse, but then realized I didn’t know how, so I closed my eyes and opened my mind. I didn’t do that very often as it left a gap for Me to slip out through. I found her, a small, shaky, freezing cold presence in front of me. She was still alive.

I sighed with relief, right, now what should I do, I had to keep her warm and I had never learnt any warming spells, so I dried her using a strong blast of wind, then took off the leather jerkin and lay gingerly down beside her. I folded my arms in front of me so as to keep a barrier between us and then wrapped my wings around her. She still didn’t stir so I relaxed and quietly clapped my hands before re-creating the barrier. The sphere sprung up around us and using it I made us invisible. Then I pulled another rag on top of my bare torso and fell asleep.

I woke up as someone slapped me across my face. For a second, I thought she had woken up and got the wrong idea. In fact, she had turned over and hit me in the face with her arm as she did so. I could feel her breath against my wing and I smiled. Good, she had regained conscience and she was warming up.

I put down the sphere and stood up. I covered her with another rag and left to go and make sure I could keep an eye on her tomorrow. As I came out of the storeroom I began coughing uncontrollably. Some of the crew gathered around me as I collapsed on the floor coughing. The Captain strolled across the deck towards me.

“What the ‘ell is wrong with you?”

I struggled to speak through the coughing, “I…think the…store…storeroom…is infected…sir…”

“Infected ‘ey, aye I think yur right there lad. No one is ta go in that there storeroom until tis clear!”

An agreeing grumble passed through the crew.

“Oh, except you there lad,” he was talking to me, “You can stay in there till tis clear. You hear me lad? Get in there!” He pulled me up roughly by the arm and threw me back into the store, slamming the door behind me. I heard him order the crew to bar the door and waited for the thud of the thick wooden barricade going across the door. I coughed a few more times, to make sure no one would get suspicious if they were listening.

I walked back over to the crate and sat down leaning back against the wall of the crate I watched her sleeping and, putting up a sphere so as not to hit her by accident, practiced my spells.

After a while, I stopped and studied her. She had long brown wavy hair and her skin was lightly tanned. I wondered what colour her eyes
were; her eyes had been closed the whole time so I hadn’t seen them.

I leaned back against the wall and wondered how I was going to make her better. She needed to be kept warm, dry and she needed food. Keeping her warm and dry wasn’t difficult, I could do that myself, but I needed to somehow feed her. I could roast a few seagulls which flew past but that wouldn’t do her very much good. I guessed that I would be given the usual mess of some sort of fish and potatoes. The joys. Oh well, that would have to do for now.

~SishBee~
x
"We are all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars."
-Oscar Wilde




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 164
I saw your story and had to crit. *Hooray, your back* Huh, unusually phyced about that. Hmm... Well, it was short but sweet. I missed out on a few and am going to go check those out. ANYWAY...

I liked how he checked to see if she was alive but one thing i didn't get, he can make an invisible field but doesn't know a warming spell? Hmmm...
Anyway, it was pretty good but why would the captian be waiting right outside the door? Just a thought, Hooray!!!

~Pol
I used to rule the world, see it rise when I gave the word, now in the morning I sleep alone, sweep the streets I used to own

-Coldplay, Viva La Viva




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1145
Reviews 52
The Captain isn't stood next to the door, he walks across the deck towards him. Oh and if you mean the bit where he is worried about someone listening at the door, then its because the Captain doesn't really like him (No one does) and he thinks he might be suspicious...
Hope that answers your question. :D

~SishBee~
x
"We are all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars."
-Oscar Wilde




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 5577
Reviews 672
Another good part. Well done. I wonder who is this girl. I have a feeling they would get into a relationship lol.

One problem is that there isn't much description in this part. Be sure to expand on his surroundings.

Now for the last part.
"To the edge of the universe and back. Endure and survive."




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 6235
Reviews 2631
This part was good and I'm glad you described the girl but it would be nice to know a little more about the room they're in too. Also, he can do lightening right and he can make his little sphere colder so really, he should be able to make it warmer too. Just a thought. Oh and just one specific suggestion -

I could roast a few seagulls which flew past but that wouldn’t do her [s]very[/s] much good.
Writing Gooder

~Previously KittyKatSparklesExplosion15~

The light shines brightest in the darkest places.



As if you were on fire from within. The moon lives in the lining of your skin.
— Pablo Neruda