This is her life story

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Points 1049
Reviews 52
I actually don't like this poem, but you never know, someone else might.
Once again, even if it's just to say it's crap, write a comment please
Thanks
~blue~ :D
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
This is her story,
though not much has happened you can say.
There wasn't much of a difference from day to day.
Pretty much the same old story,
she had nothing better to do,
but think of the one thing that made her life better,
she would sit and think of you.

This is her life story
though it's not very long you could say.
She only lived fifteen years,
three months and a day,
pretty much the same old story,
she didn't know what to do,
she didn't know how to live her life,
an empty life without you.

This is her life story
though it's very depressing you can say.
about a girl who, without love,
thought suicide was the only way.
Pretty much the same old story,
took a lethal dose of pills,
thought death could cure all life's problems,
thought it could cure all life's ills.

This is her life story,
you don't want to hear it, you could say.
Who wants to hear another girls story,
to hear about another girls pain,
pretty much the same old story, no one cared for her enough,
now in a grave her life lays wasted,
remember this, she died for love.
Last edited by bluecows on Thu Mar 13, 2008 6:39 pm, edited 5 times in total.
To see a world in a grain of sand and a heaven in a wild flower,
hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour. – William Blake

I was lying in bed, watching the stars and i thought, 'where the hell is the ceiling?' :wink:




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Points 890
Reviews 54
Your piece shows skill and quality.

"This is her story,
though not much has happened you can say.
There wasn't much of a difference from day to day.
Pretty much the same old story,
she had nothing better to do,
but think of the one thing that made her life better,
she would sit and think of you. "
This is the best part, the beginning. You really set your poem off good with this. And you also keep the rhyming GOOD and CONSTANT. I think thats what makes this poem so good.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1049
Reviews 52
*blushes* Thanks

~blue~ :D

P.S. you should join the weirdly coloured animal club in the randomness section
To see a world in a grain of sand and a heaven in a wild flower,
hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour. – William Blake

I was lying in bed, watching the stars and i thought, 'where the hell is the ceiling?' :wink:




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 2168
Reviews 183
This is her story,
though not much has happened you can say.
There wasn't much of a difference from day to day.
Pretty much the same old story,
she had nothing better to do,
but think of the one thing that made her life better,
she would sit and think of you. - AWW!

This is her life story
though it's not very long you could say.
She only lived fifteen years,
three months and a day,
pretty much the same old story,
she didn't know what to do,
she didn't know how to live her life,
an empty life without you.

This is her life story
though it's very depressing you can say.
about a girl who, without love,
thought suicide was the only way.
Pretty much the same old story,
took a leathel dose of pills, - "lethal"
thought death could cure all life's problems,
thought it could cure all life's ills.

This is her life story,
you dont want to hear it, you could say.
Who wants to hear another girls story,
to hear about another girls pain,
pretty much the same old story, no one cared for her enough,
now in a grave her life lays wasted,
remember this, she died for love.


WOW.
This poem owns all poems that dare challenge its awesome-ness.
So sweet. I wanna cry!
She died for love.. the same old story..
which is sort of sad because it does happen a lot.
AWW. Sorry, this isn't much of a critique.
But I loved this poem so much!
KEEP WRITING!
Got YWS?




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1049
Reviews 52
I stopped writing since i started going out with my boyfriend but maybe i will start again, you never know :wink:

Oh yeah, thanks for the correction on the typo, my spellings terrible :oops:
To see a world in a grain of sand and a heaven in a wild flower,
hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour. – William Blake

I was lying in bed, watching the stars and i thought, 'where the hell is the ceiling?' :wink:



Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon.
— Paul Brandt